Far From Perfect
by Aquamarine1212
Summary: After the Kraang invasion, the turtles, along with April and Casey, have been forced to leave the city. With Leo in an unconscious, coma-like state and their sensei gone, everyone starts to grow distant from each other. But when Christmas begins to draw near, a certain orange-masked terrapin decides that it's time to bring the family back together, whether they like it or not.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, Aqua here! :) So, I was randomly struck with inspiration for a Christmas story in October. It's a little early...but whatever! Who doesn't love a good, fluffy Christmas story? :3 If you hadn't already guessed, this takes place between the Season 2 Finale and the first episode of Season 3. Using my amazing deduction skills, I came to the conclusion that if Leo had been out for three months, and if it was snowing in the season finale, then Leo must have missed the most important holiday of the year; Christmas! Well, once I had came to that conclusion, I had to write about it! **

**I do not own TMNT.**

The cabin was silent, as per usual. It was hard to believe they had been here for a month already. Hard to believe Leo hadn't woken up for a month. Each of the teens had fallen into a routine now, making this place their home.

April looked up from her book, the one she had already read at least three times, and glanced around the small living room. Mikey was humming from the kitchen, currently making something for supper. April marveled at how he had fallen right back into his place when they had arrived, his smile never faltering...and yet something seemed different. The playful sparkle in his eyes had began to fade, being replaced with something more adultlike. It made her sad. She glanced over at Casey, who had given up tinkering on the truck in the barn for the time being and was now lounging on the couch and staring blankly at the television.

Donnie and Raph were nowhere in sight, which was typical. One of them was always sitting beside Leo. They literally took turns watching over their oldest brother, desperately hoping against hope that he would wake up. When Donnie was watching over him, Raph was out chopping wood for the fireplace. They had quickly discovered upon arriving that the cabin had no heater, only a few fireplaces to keep them warm. They could never have too much wood in the house. When Raphael was sitting at his older brother's side, Donnie secluded himself out in the barn, which he had quickly turned into his own lab. April worried about him, out in the freezing cold barn by himself.

"Hey, April!" Mikey poked his head out from the kitchen. "You guys alright with ramen tonight? We're kinda low on the foodstuffs."

"Yeah, sure Mikey," April said somewhat absentmindedly, staring at the fire in the fireplace. How had things gotten to the point where they all seemed distant from each other? The days blurred into each other, each one exactly like the previous.

April was jolted out of her thoughts as the front door opened, sending in a blast of chilly air and revealing a frost-bitten Donatello. He was wrapped up in a coat, a scarf tied around his mouth and a hat resting atop his head. Hurriedly, he closed the door behind him, but not before some snowflakes had already drifted inside and settled on the carpet.

"Donnie, you look like an icicle, dude!" Casey exclaimed, tearing his gaze away from the television. "How long have you been out there?"

"Doesn't matter," Donnie said, flashing him one of the typical glares that he seemed to reserve just for the hockey-masked vigilante. He quickly took off his winter gear, tossing it in a pile by the door, before he brushed past them all, a distant look in his eyes. April swallowed a lump in her throat. She knew exactly where the purple-masked turtle was headed, and she hated the guilty look in his eyes as he went up the stairs.

"He's acting like an icicle too," Casey muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes and turning back to the television. April wanted to snap at him, tell him to leave poor, guilt-ridden Donnie alone, but she lacked the motivation. All she wanted to do was sleep, or cry, or both.

"Ramen ramen ramen!" Mikey's sing-song voice rang out from the kitchen, quickly followed by a high pitched meow from the freezer. The mutant ice cream cat had been less than willing to leave her post in the freezer back at home, but April was relieved when Ice Cream Kitty had quickly adjusted to her new spot in the old cabin. They didn't need more to worry about, especially when the subject in question was a cat with an attitude.

April's eyes flitted to the staircase as Raphael came down, his eyes tired and his shoulders hunched over in defeat. April bit her lip as she watched the red-masked teen snatch the coat that Donnie had been previously wearing off the rack. Obviously Leo's condition wasn't improving. April shifted her eyes over to Casey. She gave him a look and made a quick motion at Raph with her head. Casey quickly got the message.

"Goin' out to get some more wood?" Casey asked, standing up. Raphael simply responded with a grunt.

"I'm getting bored of that old truck in the barn, and there's nothing to do in here," Casey said with a shrug. "Mind if I tag along?"

"Whatever," Raph's word came out clipped and gruff-sounding, as if he had forced himself to speak. Casey grinned for a second, then quickly grabbed his own jacket and followed Raph out the door. April let out a breath of relief as she watched the two boys leave the house. At least Raph wasn't going out alone. Ever since they had came, the hot-headed turtle had hardly spoken a word, and she seemed to only catch glimpses of him throughout the day. April worried about him, about Donnie, about all of them.

"Hey April!" April nearly jumped out of her seat as Mikey suddenly materialized next to her on the couch. "Where'd everyone go?"

"Raph and Casey are out getting wood, and Donnie…." April trailed off, frowning, "well, you know where he is." Mikey's smile faltered for a brief second, but before April could even fully process it the grin had returned in full strength.

"Oh well, that works out just fine!" Mikey piped up, "because you and me have got some planning to do!"

"Planning?" April asked, turning to look at the youngest of the turtles in confusion. "Planning for what?"

"Don't tell me you don't remember?" Mikey said, his smile disappearing fully this time. "You couldn't have forgotten, right? How could you forget?" April felt a twinge of panic at the disappointment apparent on Mikey's face. What was she forgetting, and if it was so important how could she have forgotten it? _Think April, think! _But her mind was drawing up a blank.

"I guess if you don't remember, maybe it's not that important after all…" Mikey said, his eyes flickering downward and his lips curled in an uncharacteristic frown. "Maybe it was a stupid idea. You guys probably don't want to celebrate, what with Leo being injured and stuff…" April was growing more frantic by the second. She hated to see Mikey so sad, so...un-Mikeyish.

"Yeah, it was stupid," Mikey said, sighing in defeat. "Never mind." April let out a small noise of desperation as Mikey slipped back into the kitchen. But no matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn't figure out what Michelangelo had possibly been thinking about. Moaning, she dropped her book onto the floor carelessly and curled herself into a tight ball. _Your one chance at bringing everyone back together, and you ruined it!_

As she rocked back and forth, feeling extremely sorry for herself, the house was totally silent. Mikey's humming had ceased and now she was just left with emptiness that seemed to choke her it was so thick.

_My room._ She could always retreat there. Quickly, she stumbled to her feet and hurried up the stairs, skipping steps and nearly tripping to pay for it. Rushing down the hallway, she flung open the old oak door, running into the room and collapsing on the large king size bed and breaking into sobs.

The smell of the pillow reminded her of her father; this had been his room when they had came up here in the summer. She recalled the precious few moments before he had been turned into a kraang-person. His wide, goofy smile. His two fingers held up in a peace sign. His eyes, for once bright with happiness instead of terror. It had been a good way to go at least. He hadn't gone knowing what was happening to him, knowing he'd never see his daughter again. He had left with a grin and peace sign. If only everyone had the pleasure of knowing that they'd leave in such a happy manner.

"I'm lucky," April told herself through tears. "I'm lucky to have escaped, I'm lucky to have even had him for a short while." But her words were empty and she relapsed into sobs. He had been clinging to the van as they had fled, trying to attack them or begging them for help, even April didn't know. She had watched him slip out of her fingers. Again.

"April?"

April looked up, tensing as Mikey's voice rang out from the door. She quickly wiped off her eyes, swallowing down the rest of her tears as she looked up at the orange-masked mutant. His blue eyes darted across her face nervously.

"I'm sorry...did I make you cry?" Mikey asked, his eyes begging for forgiveness.

April stared at him, dumbfounded. The sheer amount of kindness he displayed was incredible. He was more kind, more gentle, more caring than any human she had met. He was what they should all be trying to live up to, and yet he lived his life in hiding, keeping that love and that kindness hidden from the world because they wouldn't accept it.

"It's just so stupid!" April cried out, not being able to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. "Everything is so messed up-"

"I know," Mikey said, his eyes turning sympathetic, "It wasn't exactly 'happily ever after', was it?"

"And it's not just the Kraang and the Foot, it's the world-" April hiccuped through her tears, "-the world is messed up. You guys, forced to hide like this, and yet you still protect us-us-us stupid people! Us stupid, selfish, blind people!"

"I know, but like Splinter always said-" Mikey paused, his voice catching for moment, "you don't stop helping people just because they don't appreciate it."

"Oh my gosh," April said, laughing through her tears. "You'd think I'd be used to this kind of stuff happening, but I'm still an emotional wreck."

"Hey, we all are, April" Mikey said. "Guess we just gotta pick up the pieces and try to start over again." April stood up and quickly hugged the youngest turtle, a smile flickering on her lips before she pulled away.

"Ramen...ramen sounds really good right now," April breathed out, calming herself.

"Ramen it is!" Mikey said, a grin quickly filling his face as the mood of the entire room lightened. "Tell Casey and Raph to get their sorry butts in here, cause I'm making the best freaking ramen this world has ever seen!" Mikey bounced out of the room, leaving April a little more clear-headed than before and in control of her emotions. Something had changed. She felt...more alive. Like someone had taken a match and lit a small candle in the darkness.

Small...but hopeful.


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own TMNT.**

Mikey's eyes flickered across the faces in the room. Nobody spoke a word, but that was typical. It seemed that everyone had fallen into a dark mood after they had left the city. Everyone except himself. Sometimes he saw the looks they gave him, looks of amazement. He knew exactly what they were thinking.

How can he be so happy, so cheerful after everything that's happened?

Staring at the bowl of ramen in front of him, Michelangelo contemplated the question. _How am I still so cheerful? Why do I even try? Is it for my own good?_ He frowned slightly. No, he wasn't doing it for himself. He stared harder at his food, searching for answers. Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. He was happy because he had hope. Leo would recover. And whatever had happened to Splinter, he knew it was only for the best. _Things happen for a reason. Life is good. Life is bad. But everything turns out alright._ He felt a twinge of sadness that the others couldn't share his faith in the goodness of the world.

Looking around at the sullen faces surrounding him, Mikey felt a surge of determination. Oh, to heck with it; who cared if nobody was in the mood for this? They needed it. Setting his jaw in determination, Mikey put down his spoon, drew in a breath, then looked around at his brothers and friends.

"Guys," he said, causing several of them to look up at him in surprise, "guys, we're celebrating Christmas, whether you want to or not."

There was a moment of silence before the storm.

"Christmas?" Donnie exclaimed, as if the very idea was repulsive. "At a time like this?"

"Mikey, no way," Raph growled.

"Are you serious?" Casey asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm very serious," Mikey said, shooting them each a glare. "Help me. Don't help me. I don't care. If I have to, I'll do everything myself. But none of you are getting out of it. Ever since we got here, all you guys have done is sit around feeling sorry for yourselves. Would Leo want us to be like this? Would Splinter?"

Then, standing up and turning his back on his family's stunned faces, Mikey marched out of the room, a grin tugging at his lips.

_Let's see how they take that._

…..

April simply sat, dumbfounded, as the discussion heated up around her. Christmas; how on earth had she forgotten? The calendar had practically been screaming the word December at her every morning, the large, bold letters on top of the page, sticking out like a lighthouse in the night sky. Christmas was only the most important holiday of the year!

"Yo, dudes, Mikey's right," Casey said. "We've been moping around for the past month. I think it's time we started trying to be a family again."

"How can be so...insensitive?!" Donatello was fuming. "Splinter's dead and Leo's on the verge of dying, and you want to celebrate Christmas?"

"Oh, and I suppose you'd rather have Christmas be just another day of silence in the cabin," Casey retorted. "Being depressed isn't going to make Leo any better, you know."

"How can any of us even pretend to be happy?" Donnie said, shooting daggers at Casey. "We shouldn't even try to celebrate. We'll just end up sitting around silently, like we do every day, and Mikey will be disappointed."

"All you've done since we got here is sit by Leo, waiting for him to wake up!" Casey barked, standing up to tower over the purple-masked turtle. "Did you ever even think about how anyone else was coping with it? You ever think to try and help your brothers? We're all goin' through a tough time here, and you're only thinking about yourself!"

"I'm taking care of Leo!" Donnie growled in his defense, also jumping out of his chair to face the teen. "You want him to get better, don't you?"

"Of course I wish he would get better!" Casey snapped. "But it's been a month and he hasn't woken up! Do you think sitting by him twenty-four seven will change anything?"

"I can fix him!" Donnie said, tears starting to build up in his eyes. "That's what I do Casey! I FIX THINGS!"

"Well maybe not this time!" Casey screamed, tears threatening to break his barriers. "I want Leo back as much as anyone, but-" He took in a quick breath. "-but people can't always be saved Donnie! Sometimes they never wake up! And it's already been a month." In a sudden impulse, he added, "He's not coming back!" The room fell silent and April sucked in a breath. Casey quickly clapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes wide as he realized the full impact of his words. From the other side of the room, Raphael tensed, his eyes hardening as his gaze snapped over to Casey.

"Oh geez, I swear guys-" Casey said, biting his lip, "I didn't mean that." Raphael slowly stood up, pushing back his chair, then walked over to the hockey player, his face emotionless. For a moment the two of them locked gazes. The tension in the air crackled and sparked as they stood off. Then suddenly Raph's expression contorted into one of fury.

Without a word, Raph pulled back his fist and gave Casey a hard punch to the face. His blow wasn't controlled, and Casey yelled as he was thrown back by the impact. Before anyone could stop him Raph was on Casey, throwing furious punches at the teenager. Casey yelled, trying to use his arms to block Raphael's incessant blows but failing.

"Raph!" April cried out, rushing to try and separate the two. "Raph, stop!" She grabbed the red-masked terrapin's shoulders and tried to wrench him away, but his strength far outmatched her own and he hardly even seemed to notice her futile attempts. Casey's cries of pain rang through the normally silent cabin, piercing the air. Donnie just stood and watched, his eyes cold.

Now Casey was trying to fight back, flailing his arms around and digging his nails into Raphael's skin. April took a few steps back, her eyes darting between the two of them frantically. She had to stop this, but there was no way she could overpower Raph. Watching the blows fly between them, she did the only thing she could think of.

She jumped in.

She thrust herself into the fight, forcing her way between the two boys just as Raphael was about to hit the hockey player. The blow, meant for him, ended up on her own cheek. She held back tears of pain as the well aimed hit crushed against her jaw, pain shooting throughout her face. Immediately Raphael drew back, his eyes widening, and Casey shot away like a frightened animal.

"What the-" Raph let out one or two colorful words before continuing, "-was that April?"

"You guys are just-" April let out a cry of frustration, stomping her foot and cupping her bruised jaw in one hand. Tears threatened her eyes. "What kind of family are we?!" She was met with silence. The anger had faded out of Raph's eyes, leaving him looking tired.

"...are you ok?" Raph asked slowly, looking at her somewhat cautiously. "Sorry Red. I didn't mean to hit you."

"I'm fine," April said, swallowing down tears. "We've all just been-" April grunted for lack of anything better to say, angry tears going down her face. Donnie looked at her in concern, his eyes darting around nervously as he leaned forwards a bit, as if to make a move towards her, then leaned back, thinking better of it.

"I'll tell you what we've been, we've all been messed up since we left the city," Raph suddenly said, breaking the silence. "Look, I don't know a lot about this kinda crap, but I do know that none of us are doing each other favors by sitting around wishing things were different. Heck, I've been just as bad as you guys about this whole deal, but if we ever wanna be a family again-" he sat down in one of the chairs, "-then something's gotta change." Despite his words, Raph was still eyeing Casey angrily. Obviously the comment about Leo had stung him. Hard.

April looked around at the faces around her. Donnie's aloof look had changed into something a bit guilty, and Casey was glancing from person to person. The silence was thick.

"Raph is right," April said, looking around with a hard expression. "Something has to change, and that can start with Christmas. I don't expect you guys to just forget about what happened, but can we all at least try to be happy, just for a few weeks?"

"For Leo," Raphael said, his jaw firm.

"For Splinter," Donatello added in.

"For us," Casey said, glancing over at Raphael as he rubbed at his bruised skin.

"Good," April said, sighing.

Well, it was a start.

* * *

**Ooh, Raph and Casey tension! Their friendship really deserves more attention in the show. Anyways, please read and review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, so I do in fact realize I posted the first three chapters all in one day. No, I am not superhuman; I started writing this last week and just haven't posted it until now. But this is the last chapter I've got so far, so anyone reading this will have to wait a bit for the next one. I can't churn out chapters that fast people. XD**

**I do not own TMNT.**

Raph's eyes flew open as he awoke to - oh Lord - Christmas music. Groaning, he buried his head underneath the pillow.

"_Silver bells...silver bells...it's Christmas-time in the city…"_

"Shut up!" Raphael yelled. _Not like anybody in the city is celebrating Christmas,_ he thought bitterly to himself, _Unless the Kraang have taken a liking to the holiday._ As the music droned on, Raph tried to force himself back to sleep. He didn't want to get up, because that would mean facing Casey, and he wasn't exactly sure what had happened between them yesterday and whether or not the hockey player held a grudge.

"_Children laughing, people passing, meeting smile after smile…"_

"Oh yes, everything's fine and dandy 'cause it's Christmas, and that means nothing bad can happen, right?!" Raph growled. "Stupid Christmas song."

"Well, I see that you're getting into the holiday cheer," Mikey's head popped into the room and his voice was laced with sarcasm. "Now get off your lazy butt and come help me out here, I'm having a few...issues."

"With what?" Raph asked, yawning and sitting up in bed.

"...you'll see," Mikey said with a mischievous grin. Raph felt himself grow wary. _What the heck am I getting dragged into this time? _

"Oh come'on, don't give me that look," Mikey huffed, crossing his arms for effect. "You're going to love it, I promise."

"Whatever," Raphael grumbled, sitting up and putting his mask back on. Mikey was practically bouncing on his feet now, unable to contain his excitement.

"Get on your coat, cause' we're going outside!"

…..

Raph stared at the fallen tree. An axe was buried into the stump where it had once stood, the rest of it laying in the freshly fallen snow. The place where the trunk had been severed was somewhat jagged, due the the axe not falling straight on every blow. Mikey smiled, motioning at the pine tree.

"Taa daa!" he said with a grin. "I've been working on this thing all morning! Chopping down trees is not as easy as it looks dude!"

"You chopped down a tree?!" Raph said, gaping.

"Not just any tree," Mikey said, poking his older brother teasingly. "A Christmas tree!"

"Mikey," Raph said, shaking his head as he stared at the pine needle tree.

"What?" Mikey's face immediately fell. "You don't like it?"

"No, it's fine," Raph said, suddenly breaking out laughing, "but you could have asked any of us for help y'know."

"Oh," Mikey said, blinking as if he had just came to the realization. "I guess so. Oops."

"You're crazy," Raph said. "Totally crazy." The red-masked turtle walked over the the stump, yanking the axe out of the wood. "Anyways, we're going to need to shorten this up a bit. This entire tree is not going to fit in the house. And you're awful with an axe. Let me show you how it's done." He tossed the axe over to Mikey who let out a small squeak as it landed in his hands. Tentatively, the youngest brother walked over the the tree. Raph pointed to indicate the spot where he should cut the trunk. Mikey lifted the axe above his head-

"Ok, stop right there," Raph sighed, causing Mikey to freeze. Raphael walked over, lightly grabbing the tool out of Mikey's hands.

"Ok, you're gripping the axe with both your hands at the bottom of the handle the entire time, and you'll lose control of it if you handle it like that. What you do is you put one hand here-" Raph gripped the upper part of the handle in one hand, "-and keep the other at the bottom. Then as you swing-" Raph swung the axe downwards in slow motion, "-you slide your hand down to the bottom. Get it?"

"Mmhmm," Mikey said, bobbing his head up and down enthusiastically.

"Good," Raph said, giving his younger brother the weapon back. "Now do it." Mikey carefully adjusted his grip on the axe, then sending a sidelong glance at Raphael, he swung it down. It made a sharp crack as it split the wood.

"Oh my gosh, that works like ten times better!" Mikey said, starting to swing down the axe in quick, fluid motions. "Sweet!" As Michelangelo continued to chop at the tree with renewed energy, Raph looked around at the frost-bitten woods surrounding their house. Any other time Mikey would have dragged them out into the forest a few days in, wanting to find anything and everything of interest around the house. But they had hardly wandered into the forest, sticking to edges. Raphael realized with a jolt that their littlest brother, although he seemed to be just as light-hearted as ever, had taken Leo's injuries and the loss of Splinter just as hard as they had, but he hadn't shown it...maybe because he realized everyone else would need something normal in their life, something to keep them grounded. Raph shook his head.

Mikey had no idea how much they needed that right now.

…..

Donnie groaned as the alarm blared in his ear. It was that time already? He felt like he had only fallen asleep a second ago. Blearily he opened his eyes and glared half-heartedly at the clock as it flashed 7:00 am. He still wasn't used to this wacked up schedule where they slept all night and were awake all day, but April claimed that this was how normal people did it.

_Well, we're not exactly normal people, are we? _Donnie thought to himself, fumbling for a moment before he switched off the alarm. Sitting up in bed, Donatello frowned, rubbing his head. His headaches had been awful recently. Maybe he was thinking too much and too hard.

_Well I can't help it, _Donnie told himself, _It's my fault we got into this mess, so it's up to me to figure a way out of it. I have to keep working on a medicine for Leo, I have to keep trying to bring him back to consciousness._

A loud thump from downstairs jolted Donnie out of his thoughts. Frowning, he climbed out of bed. He had been wondering when something would happen. The minute Michelangelo had announced he was going to take on the Christmas planning himself, Donatello had known it would only be a matter of time before he was dragging things into the house and getting himself hurt. Grabbing his purple mask off the dresser and tying it around his eyes, he walked briskly out his room and down the steps, then-

"What the heck?!" Donatello nearly screamed. The scene in front of him wasn't close to anything he had been expecting. Raphael and Michelangelo were attempting to lift up a large piece of a pine tree in the corner of the room. Pine needles were scattered all over the floor, and the two of them were covered so thickly in..._nature_...that they looked as if they were part of the tree. Raphael's head snapped up to look at Donatello and his face immediately flushed.

"Uh, hi Donnie," Raph grunted.

"What are you two doing?!" Donnie asked, grabbing his head and looking at the tree in dismay.

"Mikey's idea," Raph said, motioning with his head at their youngest brother.

"It's a Christmas tree, D!" Mikey said, flashing him a goofy smile. "Duh!"

"You went and cut down a tree, then brought it in the house?!" Donatello asked, his voice high-pitched in anxiety. "What were you _thinking_?!"

"To be honest, I don't think we were," Raph said, laughing nervously. "Oh well."

"Oh well?!" Donnie said furiously. "Where on earth are you planning on putting that thing?"

"Um...here?" Mikey said, giving Donatello a that's-so-obvious look. "Chill Donnie, once we have it standing upright in the pot it'll be cool."

"Oh, it's going to take forever to clean this up!" Donatello groaned. "Guys, seriously?"

"Hey, it's not like you were doing anything today," Raph shrugged. "What's the big deal? It's not nearly as bad as that time Mikey decided to-"

"Haha, let's not talk about that," Mikey said with a nervous laugh, cutting off his older brother.

"I understand him-" Donnie motioned wildly at Michelangelo, "-but honestly Raph, you should know better!"

"Where have you been for the past sixteen years?" Raph said rolling his eyes.

"You guys just-" Donnie groaned, sighing in defeat, "Fine. I give up." Michelangelo and Raphael shared a knowing grin as their purple-masked brother came over and joined them in their struggle to lift the tree. Today was going to be a good one.


	4. Chapter 4

**So, here's another little chapter, it starts out kinda angsty and Donatello might get a little OOC for a bit, but hey, he's under a lot of stress, so it's ok if he gets a little angry at his dream woman, right? But have no fear, we end on a very interesting note. :D I'm sorry that this story is such a weird mixture of comedy and tragedy, but hey, whatever. Roll with it.**

**I do not own TMNT.**

April looked at the tree up and down in disbelief. Well, they had certainly gotten a tree, that much she could hand to them. And although it was devoid of any decor, it was a nice tree, no doubt about that. She wasn't exactly sure where it had come from or how they had gotten in there, but here it was, and nothing in the house had been broken in the process.

"Hey, a tree," Casey commented as he passed by. "Cool." Then he promptly disappeared into the kitchen without another word. April looked around for any of the other guys, but they weren't anywhere in sight. She had woken up and 'poof', a Christmas tree had appeared in the living room, like a present from Santa. From the smell of pine needles in the air, she could infer that it was in fact, a real tree. April felt a slight pang in her chest as she thought of how much work it must have taken the boys to bring the tree inside. They should have woken her up, she would have gladly helped them.

Sighing, April decided that her best bet on finding Donnie or Raph would be to check the bathroom first. One of them was bound to be there, continuing the silent vigil they seemed to have agreed on. And although both of them seemed equally concerned for their older brother, there was something different about Donatello. Something in his eyes suggested...guilt. She thought maybe the guilt would be a passing thing, but each day she could see it getting worse and worse. Her stomach churned at the thought of all those talks they had in health class, about how guilt led to depression, and depression led to…

April took the thought and smashed it into a million little pieces, vowing to never even _think_ of it again.

Sighing, the red-headed girl climbed up the stairs, down the hallway, then poked her head in the bathroom. The ceiling light wasn't on; it never was. The light was too bright and fluorescent to stay under for long periods of time. Instead, natural sunlight flooded in through the window, giving the false impression of cheeriness. A quick glance around confirmed that it was Donatello who was sitting beside his brother at the moment.

For a moment, she just stood at the door, watching. Donnie was sitting on a stool, his elbows on his knees and his hands covering his face. April bit her tongue, wondering what the right words would be. Why had she come up here again? Her mind was drawing up a blank.

Tentatively, she walked into the room, closing the door almost silently behind her. Donnie showed no sign of hearing her. Quietly, she picked up another stool from the other side of the room, placing it beside the large reptile and sitting down next to him. He tensed slightly, and she saw a flash of red-brown eyes from behind his large fingers before he closed himself off again. April looked down at the motionless form of Leonardo. All his gear had been stripped off, leaving only skin and shell. It was strange, seeing him without the trademark-blue Leo mask, the bandages, the belt, the swords and the kneepads. Come to think of it, she had never seen any of the boys devoid of their masks. It left them looking smaller.

Not being able to bear looking at the fallen leader any longer, April turned her eyes to the purple-masked turtle beside her. She found herself thinking of the time they had first met. She had been told the story in several versions, each person having their own perspective on the situation, but she believed Splinter's to be most accurate. He had told her that Donatello had been the one that had forced the rest of them to help her; they would have never gotten involved had it not been for him. Of course, Donnie was too embarrassed to admit it, but April remained ever grateful to him.

Then that brought up the subject of his feelings towards her.

She had always seen him as a kind person, someone she could count on, and as much as she hated to admit it, he had his cute moments. But Donatello's affections were far more...intimate. That much had been apparent to her from day one. And although his attempts at flirtation were adorably clumsy, April just couldn't figure out how to respond.

_I love him as a friend, just like the others, but how far do I want to go? He's cute and sincere, but...he's a six-foot talking turtle. I do have feelings towards him...but do I really _love him? _Or is it just a casual interest? What if it goes away one day and I leave him heartbroken? Do I want to chance that?_

"What do you think?" Donatello suddenly spoke, startling April. His voice was low and it cracked with the threat of oncoming tears.

"...what?" April asked, blinking.

"Do you think Casey's right? Do you think Leo will never wake up?" Donatello said, his voice muffled as his face was still hidden in his hands.

"Of course not, Donnie," April said softly. "If there's anyone that can save him, it's you."

"That's the thing though," Donnie said, looking up to reveal his bloodshot eyes. "_If _there's anyone that can save him. What if there isn't? What if one day we come in and-" His breath hitched and he looked away.

"Don't think like that," April said, placing her small, pale hand on his large, rough one. "Mikey would be appalled." Her weak attempt at humour was lost on him.

"Why don't you go tell your _boyfriend_ that?" Donatello said, casting his eyes downwards.

"Casey isn't my boyfriend," April said, quickly protesting. "You know that, Donnie."

"Then what is he, April?" Donatello said, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "For that matter, what am I?"

"You're my friends," April said, knowing the answer wasn't what he was looking for but not wanting to tell him the truth because...the truth was she didn't know.

"Well, if this is how you treat your friends, leading them on then dropping them in the dust only to pick them back up and do it again, then I'd hate to see what you would do to your boyfriend," Donatello suddenly snapped, his eyes fiery. "So forget I said anything."

"I-I'm not like that!" April said, her voice becoming high pitched. "I just...I just…"

"Just leave, ok?" Donatello sighed, turning away. "Please."

"I….fine," April said, standing up rather clumsily and walking out of the room.

_Well that went just peachy._

. . . . .

Raphael was nearly being swallowed by the cushions of the chair he sat in, and he wished he could sink in further. Casey was only a room away, and neither of them had said a word to each other all day. He was so dang _pissed_ at Casey; but at the same time he wanted to make up and be friends again, even if the hockey player was a loud-mouthed idiot at times. Raphael didn't miss Mikey's continual glances from the other side of the room. His orange-masked brother was playing solo board-game. Mikey, being unexplainable person he was, had somehow figured out a way to compete with himself.

"What is it Mikey?" Raph sighed, turning to catch Mikey looking at him. His younger brother hesitated for a moment.

"Dude, you should really go talk to him," Mikey finally said.

"I don't know who you're talking about," Raph growled, sinking lower into the chair.

"Yes you do," Mikey said, rolling his eyes. "Don't even try playing stupid with me. I mean, dude, I'm like the master of stupidity. You cannot get past this." Mikey motioned at himself with his hands.

"Well, I'm not talking to him. I suck at talking," Raph muttered, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly.

"_No way_," Mikey said sarcastically. "Never would have guessed that. But seriously bro, Casey sucks at talking too. You'll probably just end up fighting it out and forgetting it by tomorrow."

"It's not that easy," Raph said, frowning. "You wanna know what he said?"

"Mmmm, probably not, but tell me," Mikey said, leaning in closer, his eyes bright.

"He said Leo's never gonna wake up," Raph said, his eyes flickering downwards. "He said he was good as dead."

Mikey leaned back into his chair, blinking his wide eyes and exhaling sharply. He put his hands behind his head, then looked back over at Raph. "Wow, are you serious?" Mikey said, cocking an eyebrow questioningly. Raph gritted his teeth and nodded. "Ouch," Mikey said, biting his lip. "That seriously bites. So maybe the 'divine path to forgiveness' won't exactly be smooth sailing."

"He's just-" Raphael made an angry grunt and slammed his fist against the arm of the chair.

"Hey, I know what'll put you in a good mood!" Mikey said, suddenly perking up. His light blue eyes were lit up and a smile was growing on his face.

"...if this is anything like the tree-" Raphael began darkly, but Mikey quickly interjected.

"Oh no, this is nothing like the tree," Mikey chuckled to himself. "This is far, far better."

"Why does that scare me coming out of your mouth?" Raphael groaned, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling.

"Probably because you should be scared," Mikey said with an overly-cheesy grin. "Now come'on, you're going to _love_ it."

"Please explain to me what I'm getting into first," Raphael said, refusing to move from his seat.

"Oh fine, you party pooper," Mikey teased with a fake frown. "It's Step #2 of my Super-Epic-Best-Christmas-Ever Plan!"

"I assume the tree was Step #1?" Raphael said with a sigh.

"Well duh!" Mikey said, leaning over the back of Raphael's chair and looking down at him.

"...and somehow I get the feeling I'm going to get dragged along with every plan you make for the 'Super-Awesome-Christmas-Whatever thing," Raph groaned, looking up angrily into his brother's baby blue eyes.

"Super-Epic-Best-Christmas-Ever Plan!" Mikey corrected him, shaking his finger. "You have to get it right." Mikey suddenly broke out into a grin. "But maybe you won't get dragged into all of them," he added in slyly. "Some of them are on a need-to-know-basis, and guess what-" he leaned over and poked his older brother's nose- "-you don't need to know."

"Ok, now I'm terrified," Raphael said with a grunt, standing up, "So what's Step #2?"

"Hold on, hold on…" Mikey said, digging around in his belt for something. His tongue pressed against his upper lip in thought, an odd habit that him and Donnie seemed to have developed. Suddenly, with an almost maniacal grin, Mikey pulled out a fistful of confetti and glitter and threw it into the air, causing it to fall all over himself and Raphael. Raphael blinked slowly, his face the dictionary definition of unamused.

"Can you guess what Step #2 is?" Mikey said, holding back laughter.

"Getting beat up by your older brother?" Raphael growled threateningly, clenching his fists.

"No dummy," Mikey laughed, poking Raph teasingly, "Decorations!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Taadaa! Another chapter! :3 Hope I did alright on this one, it's kinda got a big Donnie focus and it's mostly just looking into some of the issues they're having right now, but there is a bit of plot progression. Please read and review!**

**I do not own the Adolescent Mutated Martial Artist Terrapins. (yes, i mean tmnt XD)**

There was a scream of frustration before a vial of liquid hit the wall, the glass shattering into fragments and the substance inside splattering out onto the wall. It slowly dripped down the wooden surface, glowing somewhat dangerously. Donatello glared at it from the other side of the barn, his fists clenched and his mouth slightly open as he panted.

"I'm supposed to be the smart one!" he growled, whipping around and punching a stack of boxes, causing them to topple over and splinter. He stopped for a moment. _What am I doing? Punching crates isn't going to help anything. How many times have we told Raph the exact same thing, and now here I am, being a class-A hypocrite._

Sighing, the purple-masked turtle walked over the clean up the the destruction he'd wreaked. No, things hadn't been going well since they had came. Every day it got worse and worse, the feeling that he'd failed; they all placed so much faith in him, in his knowledge. Mikey hadn't even considered the fact that his older brother, who knew the answer to everything, could possibly not know the answer to this.

And the worst part was that this entire thing was his own fault.

_If I would have just listened to Leo, not tried to be all smart and cocky, he wouldn't be nearly dead. Splinter might not be dead. We might all be still together, even if the city was still lost. _Donatello tried to ward off the thoughts as he carefully scraped the green, glowing substance off the wall and into a new glass container, one that wasn't...well, destroyed. He had been experimenting with mutagen lately in some sort of desperate attempt to find _something _that would heal his older brother. He had turned the very thing that morphed people into monsters into something that reversed the effects; if he could do that, who was to say he couldn't use it to make other things?

_You're in denial Donatello. _A nagging voice in the back of his head suddenly decided now was a good time to make an entrance. _You know that you've already tried everything. What on earth do you think changing some chemicals in the mutagen will do?_

_I can't give up._ Donatello thought with a frown.

_There comes a point when you have to give up._

_Well it's not today._

_You want to waste the rest of your life looking for some magical cure to save your brother?_

_I'm a scientist, it's not magic._

_Whatever. But, come'on, get real. Casey said it himself, Leo's gone and dead. You can't change that. You should just put the poor guy out of his-_

_SHUT UP!_

Donnie sat down in at the desk, putting his head in his hands. "I am seriously arguing with myself in my head," he said quietly, shaking his head. "This is insane."

Oh well. Insane or not, he had to keep trying.

"...Donnie?"

The voice came from behind him and the purple-masked terrapin let out a sigh. He'd know that voice anywhere. His only younger brother had always had a strong connection with him. He'd come to him with any problem; fights with Raph, bad dreams, personal conflictions, Donatello had heard it all and Mikey had soaked up his every word of advice.

"Hey Mikey," Donatello turned around, forcing a smile and attempting to position himself in front of the stain on the wall where his latest failure had been thrown. "What's up?"

"Not much…" Mikey's eyes flickered around the room, taking in the broken crates and the mess of chemicals and tools scattered on the floor, "What the heck happened here? It looks like Raph blew through."

"Oh, just another, um, experiment gone wrong, y'know," Donnie said, choking out a bit of laughter.

"Mhmmm..." Mikey said skeptically. Donnie could tell that Mikey saw straight through his lie. He had noticed that ever since the whole incident with Bradford, Mikey had gotten better at judging people and being able to tell if they were lying. Vaguely he wondered how Mikey had managed to train himself so well. Maybe he had gotten some help from Splinter, because he couldn't have improved so much on his own.

Plus, Donatello was a horrible liar.

"Aaaanways, what do you say to taking a break for a little bit?" Mikey said, his suspicious look disappearing almost instantly and being replaced by a grin. "I've got something awesome planned! Raph's already helping out."

"You got Raph to help out?" Donnie marveled. "How?"

"I'm just so young and adorable that he can't say no to my puppy eyes!" Mikey laughed, jumping up into the rafters and promptly dangling upside-down from them.

"Of course," Donnie scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"No, really, I just used the right amount of annoying, pleading and adorableness to win him over," Mikey countered seriously. "It's like that science stuff you do, mixing the right amount of different chemicals together. I got him all figured out."

"Good, because I certainly don't," Donatello smiled, for real this time.

"I got _you_ all figured out too," Mikey grinned, poking Donnie's nose.

"Sure you do," Donatello said, smirking.

"Hey, what kind of stuff are in some of these crates anyways?" Mikey asked, diverting his attention to the boxes around the barn.

"A lot of them are empty…" Donnie said, glancing over at the boxes he had destroyed earlier, "But some of them have stuff in them. I don't know what though."

"Do you think some of them have Christmas decorations in them?" Mikey asked, his grin growing broader. Donnie smacked his forehead and groaned.

"Please don't tell me…" Donnie trailed off, daring to glance back up at Mikey.

"We're totally gonna decorate the house!" Mikey yelled excitedly, throwing his hands above...erm, below his head, seeing as he was still hanging upside down. Then there was a sudden snap and the orange-masked turtle let out a yelp, falling down a foot or two and landing on his back. A small chunk of the rafter followed him and landed on his stomach.

"Note to self: do not use the rafters as a junglegym," Mikey wheezed out, lifting the piece of the beam off of him. Donnie shook his head.

It was going to be a long day.

. . . . .

"Ooh what about this?" Mikey said with wide eyes as he pulled out a string of lights from one of the crates.

"Those are Halloween lights Mikey," Raph sighed, rolling his eyes. "They're orange and black. Those aren't Christmas colors."

"Oh, like you've found anything better," Mikey scoffed, clutching the lights to his chest. "I think they're beautiful and I think we should use them."

"Just set them off to the side for now Mikey," Donnie sighed, opening his own crate with a crowbar. "We'll use them if we can't find anything better. Besides, I might be able to change the colors."

"Yeah! Score!" Mikey whooped, pumping his fists. "Mikey one, Donnie and Raph zero!" Raph shot his younger brother a glare and Donnie ignored him, pushing down the crowbar harder. The crate let out a groan, but the lid just bent further, refusing to come off.

"Come on…" Donatello growled, pushing down harder. The wood squeaked and shook harder and harder before there was a sudden snap and the lid flew off. Donnie stumbled for a second, startled, then quickly regained his balance.

"What's in there? It was sealed pretty tight," Mikey asked curiously, bouncing over to the box.

"Dunno," Donnie panted, glancing inside. In a millisecond his face had gone pale. "Oh, nevermind, there's nothing here-" he said the last bit rather quickly, snatching up the lid.

"Oooh what is it?" Mikey said, stopping his older brother from putting on the lid. He looked inside and a grin appeared on his face.

"Whoa, cool!" The freckled terrapin snatched up an old leather book. "Photo albums!"

"Mikey, put that back!" Donatello shouted angrily, attempting to grab the book from his younger brother but failing.

"What's the deal D?" Mikey laughed, keeping the book hugged close to his chest. "Afraid you'll see embarrassing pictures of April? I thought you liked her-"

"It's not ok, Mikey!" Donnie snapped. "It's personal stuff; you don't just look through it!"

"She probably doesn't even remember this stuff exists," Mikey said, rolling his eyes, "I don't think she'll care. I mean come'on Donnie, this is April we're talking about. She's the toughest, most stubborn red-headed person ever!"

"Mikey, put it back," Donatello said darkly, holding out one hand.

"Come'on Donnie, you know you want to loooook," Mikey teased. "Pictures of witty-bitty Apwil…"

"No I don't," Donnie said in a serious tone, "I don't care _whatsoever _what's in there."

Mikey's smile started to fade. "Seriously?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow. "Not even if we get to see little baby April riding a rocking horse? Come'on, that would be just adorable-"

"I. Do. Not. Care," Donatello growled, gritting his teeth.

Mikey glanced over at Raphael and they shared a look. "Donnie...did you get into a fight with April?" Raphael asked, staring at him intensely. Donatello opened his mouth but nothing came out. For a moment they just stood there, staring, until finally the second youngest brother gave in.

"Would you believe me if I said no?" Donatello sighed, his eyes drifting to the ground.

"Probably not," Raph replied.

"It's nothing guys, I just got a little tense…" Donatello said quietly. still avoiding eye contact. "Seriously, don't worry about it."

"Hey, we're your brothers," Raph said with a cocky smile. "It's kinda our job to '_worry about it.'_"

"It isn't a big deal," Donatello protested.

"By that you mean it's a huge deal," Mikey said, raising his eyebrows and crossing his arms for effect. "Tell all."

"No, it'll be fine by tomorrow, I promise," Donnie said with a weak smile.

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep Donnie," Mikey said scoldingly. "Remember that day, back when we were little, when Splinter taught us that? You'd think that would have pounded that into your head pretty well."

"Can we please not re-live that?" Donatello groaned, thinking back to that day. They had only been seven years old, but that day's teaching was something they would never forget.

"Look, point is, things are not okay between you and April, and as your brothers, we want to know," Raph snapped. "Cause' neither of us likes to see you so...un-Donnie-like."

"Look, I just got a little upset and said a few things I didn't mean, ok?" Donatello growled, catching Mikey off guard and snatching the photo album out of his hands. Mikey frowned as his older brother put it back in the crate and started to seal it shut. He had still wanted to see those baby pictures. Oh well, maybe another time.

"So, it was _your _fault," Raph said, his eyes lighting up. "That explains a lot."

"Of course it was my fault!" Donatello said in exasperation, throwing his hands up. "Everything seems to be my fault lately! Anything goes wrong just blame me, cause chances are you're probably right!"

"Hey, dude, chillax," Mikey said, putting his hands on his older brothers shoulders. "Nobody is blaming you. What did you say to her?"

"I...I just…" Donatello couldn't seem to find words and he resigned himself to silently staring at his toes.

"That bad, huh?" Raph said, sparing him a little smile. "Your first real argument. How sweet."

"It wasn't really an argument…" Donatello whispered, shifting his feet back and forth. "She was trying to help me and I ended up saying a few things I'd rather not recall."

"About…?" Mikey questioned.

"Her...and Casey…" Donatello's voice hardly came out of his lips this time.

"Always with Casey," Raph groaned. "There is always some freaking argument going on between you two over her."

"It wasn't so much about their relationship as it was about his earlier comment on Leo," Donatello whispered out. Raphael's expression quickly turned from exasperated to pissed off.

"Oh, it was about that?" Raph growled. "Well, now we're on the same page. Welcome to the pissed-off-at-Casey-club."

"Ok ok ok ok ok!" Mikey shouted. "We get the picture. But seriously, what did you tell April that's so bad you can't bear to say it?"

"...not now," Donnie said, turning around and taking the crate of photo albums towards the back of the barn. "Ok?" Mikey opened his mouth to respond but Raph just shook his head. Reluctantly Michelangelo turned back around, away from his older brother. He wanted to help Donnie...but he knew Raph was right. There was nothing more they could do, at least right now.

Feeling somewhat disheartened, Mikey opened up another crate, wondering what useless junk he'd find in this one. The minute the lid popped off his eyes turned huge and his jaw dropped.

Jackpot.


	6. Chapter 6

**So here's another chapter! Yay! It's a little delayed, but meh, work and school keep me pretty busy. But don't worry, I've got more coming! :) Lol, not much else to say, other than enjoy!**

**I do not own TMNT.**

"Guysguysguysguysguys!"

Mikey was flying over towards Raph and Donnie in a flurry of excitement, his sky-blue eyes shining and his mouth open wide in a grin that his face could hardly contain.

"You'll never believe what I just found!" Mikey said, skidding to a halt inches away from Raphael, who frowned at his words. "Come on, come look!"

"Alright, calm down," Raph sighed, getting up on his feet. The chilly air of the barn was finally getting to him, and he rubbed at his arms. How the heck did Donnie sit in here for hours on end working? It was like a freezer out here.

"Hurry up!" Mikey said, bouncing several steps ahead of them.

"Don't give yourself a heart attack," Donatello said, rolling his eyes. 'Honestly."

In a moment they had reached a large crate, and Mikey was suddenly tossing things at them wildly. "Look at it all!" He cried out gleefully. Donnie yelped as a wreath flew at him and landed right on top of him, slipping over his head and falling around his neck like a necklace. Raph growled and caught a string of lights mid-air, looking at them angrily, as if they had purposefully come at him. Donnie caught a mistletoe decoration in his right hand and a string of garland in the other. Before long the two of them were covered in red and green decor.

"Mikey, stop!" Donnie said, flinching as another wreath came flying at him. Mikey paused, a santa hat in his hand, and looked back.

"Oops," he said sheepishly.

"Freakin' decorations," Raph growled, trying to shake off a bow that had somehow gotten taped to his hand. "They're all over me! Gross."

"But look at how much we have!" Mikey said, putting the santa hat on his head and smiling. "A whole crateful of Christmas! Wreaths and candles and holly and beads and garland and mistletoe-"

"Too bad there aren't any ornaments…" Donnie frowned, looking inside the crate. His eyes light up as the gears started to turn in his mind. "Say Mikey, where did you find that box?"

"Over in that corner…" Mikey trailed off, pointing to the back right corner of the barn. His eyes widened. "You don't think…?"

"Only one way to find out," Donatello smirked, picking up his crowbar. Raphael groaned, tilting his head back and Mikey grabbed his shoulders and started to shake them violently.

"OhMyGoshDoYouKnowWhatThisMeans?!" Michelangelo squealed, shaking his older brother roughly. Raph frowned and put his own hands on Mikey's shoulders, trying to steady them both and stop Mikey's frantic excitement.

"That I'm going to spend the next few hours going through stupid Christmas decorations and listening to you talk nonstop?" Raphael groaned, whacking his younger brother's head.

"Exactly!" Mikey said with a triumphant grin.

. . . . .

April sat in the chair beside the fireplace, her arms folded in her lap and her eyes closed. Silently, she wrangled with her thoughts and tried push them off to the sides so that she could accomplish a thoughtless, peaceful state of mind. Splinter had only begun to teach her the art of meditation, and she felt like her attempts at it were crude and rough around the edges, like a child coloring a picture wildly, their crayons marking up the paper in all the wrong places.

April concentrated on her breaths. The way the air tingled through her nose and filled her chest up, giving her a sense of being full. Then, slowly, she released the air. Her chest sunk back down and she could feel her breath drifting away. She pictured it in her mind's eye, swirling around in the air and floating up to the ceiling, escaping through the cracks in the wood, going higher and higher until it broke free of the house and flew into the sky, scattering about and reveling in its freedom. What April wouldn't give to be able to do that, to just float away and detach herself from the world, forget her troubles and her cares.

She concentrated on her breaths again. In. Out. In. Out. She felt the chair underneath her, became aware of the sensation of herself touching the cushion, aware of the way it sagged slightly beneath her weight. She took in the silence of the room, discovering it was not so silent. The fireplace crackled and sizzled, the wind knocked on the window softly from outside, and the constant sound of the ticking clock created a soothing beat. April allowed herself to live in this moment, this second only, to forget the past and the future, and to simply let herself exist. No thoughts, no words. Herself just _being_.

April tried desperately to hold onto the sensation, to let it engulf her, but the thoughts came crawling back out of their caves, demanding to be pondered, to be considered. She tried to drive them back, but they would not be deterred and she gave in, opening her eyes with a sigh. She had been close, so close to the reaching the state of mind where, as Leo had once described it, her inner truths would speak to her. She didn't fully understand what the blue masked turtle had meant when he said it, but she got the feeling that her voice of inner truth would have a piece of advice or two about the situation with Donnie, advice she needed rather desperately.

"You're getting better at that, you know." The voice suddenly came from behind her and she jumped as it cut through the air, disturbing the peaceful aura of the room. "I was a little spooked at how silent you were." April felt a surge of joy, quickly stifled by a wave of anger.

"Casey," she said, turning around and settling on a mildly interested tone with a slight edge to it. "I didn't know you were here."

"Casey Jones strikes again," he chuckled walking over to her. She noted how his usual 'swagger' was absent. "Terrifying innocent red-heads and talking before he thinks, as usual."

"You," April said with fake pout, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at him. "You know that the guys aren't that mad…"

"Yeah, right," Casey sighed, catching the pillow then plopping down on the chair across from April. "I just told em' their brother's good as dead. I don't think they're gonna take it too lightly. 'Specially Raph." April could see a dark look pass over his face. Fear maybe? He suddenly turned to April, his eyes pleading. "I don't suppose you could talk to them? Try to help a guy out?" he asked fervently.

"No way, Casey," April said, her angry tone returning. "You got yourself into this mess, and it's up to you to get out. Besides...I don't think a certain turtle wants to listen to me at the moment."

"Did you piss off Raph too?" Casey asked, cocking an eyebrow. April almost wanted to punch him for being so ignorant. Almost.

"No," she said, her fingers tapping lightly against the arm of the chair, "No, I just...I guess I shouldn't have tried to talk to him. But the poor guy, he's tearing himself apart over what's happened to Leo. He's not himself anymore. He won't talk, hardly eats-"

"-Donnie then," Casey said, leaning back into the chair. His eyes turned somewhat bitter and April could feel the anger in the air. "If you ask me-"

"Oh, just stop it!" April cried out. "You two and your competition over me! It makes you blind and stupid, makes you hate each other! Can't you see how much Donatello, _your friend Donatello,_ is suffering right now? Can't you care?!" Casey bit his tongue, his eyes drifting away from April's face and his expression softening.

"I know," he said quietly. "He's saved my butt more than once and for that I'm grateful. But I can't help it Red. You're the only person who's really been there for me, and I don't want anyone taking that away."

"Casey-" April's throat tightened. "You know that I'm always going to be your friend. Nobody will ever be able to take that."

"Not even a six foot turtle with a head-over-heels crush on you?" Casey said jokingly.

"Not even," April said with a relieved smile.

"Guess I'd better go turn myself in," Casey said, grunting as he stood back up. "Before the turtle police get too angry at me." He grabbed his coat off the chair, where he had cast it aside earlier that day. April watched him, her mind working furiously.

"Hey Case?" April said, glancing at her own coat. "I think I know the perfect solution to your predicament."

. . . . .

Casey glanced over at April dubiously. Her face was turning red from the cold but her smile was warm and her eyes bright as they walked across the yard, the snow falling gently around them.

"You really think this'll work?" Casey asked, frowning as they halted at the barn doors.

"For the most part," April said.

"Wait, for the most part?" Casey asked frantically. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm not gonna give a you a freaking script, Casey," April sighed, rolling her eyes. "You have to apologize, and you've got to do it right. Which means that you have to _mean_ it. And, well, Raph might take some more work than the others."

"Oh Lord," Casey breathed out, "Never mind, let's go back."

"No way Casey-" April pushed him towards the barn door. "-this is one fight you aren't going to lose. Not on my watch. I'll be right there with you, ok?"

"Are you sure that will help?" he said, glancing at her. "From the way you put it I don't think Donnie will be elated to see you, especially not you and me together-"

"Donnie can take it however he wants," April said, faking confidence. "I'll deal with him later."

"I wish I had your guts right now Red," Casey said, clenching and unclenching his fists nervously.

"I do too," April breathed out.

Casey bit his cheek and reached to pull open the large door. He paused, his hand lingering over the handle, before he wrapped his hand around it and pulled. Slowly, the door creaked open. Casey cringed. Why did it have to be so loud? It cracked and groaned and he pulled harder. At this rate they'd think he was busting the whole door down. It was one of those giant sliding doors, and he pushed until there was a large enough opening for him and April to slip through. Casey slipped through, blinking to adjust to the dimmer light.

"Hey, it's April!" Mikey came charging around the corner of a pile of crates, a red santa hat pulled over his head and tilted at funny angle. He ran at the redhead and engulfed her in a hug, still a few good inches taller than her despite being the youngest of the bunch.

"Awesome, we were just going to tell you that we found some-" Mikey trailed off, looking over at Casey. They stared at each other for a moment, before Mikey spoke again. "What's he doing here?" he asked, his voice somewhat stiff.

"He's apologizing," April said, shooting him a glare and bumping his shoulder as if to remind him. Casey smiled weakly, his eyes searching Michelangleo's. Not a fake smile...but not a confident one.

"Dude," Mikey's voice was serious as he let go of April and walked over to the black-haired vigilante. Casey almost seemed to shrink beneath his blue eyes. "You messed up. Bad."

"No kiddin'," Casey sighed, looking away.

"And you're sorry?" Mikey asked, looking him up and down as if he were preparing to appraise an item.

"Yeah," Casey said quietly, his eyes flickering around the ground. "Yeah, I'm sorry."

"You mean it?" Mikey asked, crossing his arms for effect.

"Course' I do," Casey said with a sad-looking smile.

"Then all's forgiven bro!" Mikey said with a sudden grin, and before Casey could react Mikey had ran at him and wrapped him in a hug. Casey tensed up, looking somewhat panicked. He tried to wiggle out of the orange-masked turtles grip.

"What the-" Casey frowned, but April cut him off with a laugh and she ran over, joining in and making it a group hug between the three of them. Casey gave in, ceasing his struggles and settled on sighing and rolling his eyes.

"Was a hug really necessary?" Casey moaned.

"Dude, hugs should be given whenever possible," Mikey said scoldingly. "Life would suck without hugs. Besides, everyone likes hugs." His voice quickly dropped down to a whisper and his eyes gleamed with mischief. "Even Raph, but he'd never admit it. Don't tell him I said that."

"Of course," Casey said with a smirk. Mikey broke out of the hug and stuck out his tongue at Casey before he grabbed the santa hat off his head and pulled it down over Casey's forehead. "Merry Christmas! It's Casey Claus!" Mikey laughed. Casey shook his head and laughed, rubbing Mikey's head affectionately.

"Well, Casey Claus has got some serious talking to do, because he still has two other turtles to apologize to," Casey snorted, putting the hat back on Mikey. As if knowing they were being talked about, Donnie and Raph appeared around the corner.

"Mikey-" Raph began, but he immediately froze at the sight of Casey. The air, previously so light and carefree, suddenly turned tense and sour. Casey sucked in a breath. _Well, here goes nothing._

"Uh, hey guys," Casey said, trying to keep eye contact but not being able to keep his eyes locked with the intensity of either of their stares.

"What is he doing here?" Raph growled, his eyes burning with vicious intent. Casey glanced over at April, looking for support, and she urged him on with a smile and bright eyes. He drew as much strength as he could from her, then turned to the two turtles, their looks expectant and furious.

"I just...came...to apologize," Casey said, biting his tongue. Dang, what if he said the wrong thing? What if he messed this up more than he already had?

"Why should we forgive you?" Raph asked coldly, obviously unimpressed.

"Because...you shouldn't. I was a total jerk. You have no reason to believe me, but if it means anything-" Casey took in a breath. "-I'll do whatever it takes to help Leo. I should have never passed him off like that. He's your brother and my friend and if there's a chance, any chance that he'll wake up...I should be helping you, not putting you down."

"Got that-" Raph threw out a colorful word, provoking a glare from Donnie, "-right."

"So...sorry," Casey choked out the words. This hurt his pride in so many ways, but he'd rather have his pride broken than lose his friends. His only friends. Donatello's mouth twisted in thought and his eyes narrowed, as if analyzing the situation.

"Fine, puckhead," Donatello finally said with a sigh, walking up to Casey and looking down at him. "I suppose everyone messes up once and a while."

"Spose' so," Casey said with a half-hearted smile.

"Whatever," Raph grunted. "I guess I won't pound you into the ground. But you and me are not done, believe you me." Casey had no problem believing the hot-headed turtle would keep his word. The look in his eyes was not unfamiliar. When Raph glared at you like that you knew he meant business. Looking at his fists, Casey wondered how many bruises he'd have by the time this was over. He knew how dangerous Raphael could be, even with his friends.

"Well, it isn't hugs and love all around, but I'll take it," April said, her lips slowly curling into a smirk. "Come'on now, you guys all look so somber. I know exactly how to lighten the mood."

"Oh Lord, now what?" Raph groaned, tilting his head back.

"I think you'll like this," April said, her freckled face adorning a cheeky smile. "We're going to play ninja snowball fight."


	7. Chapter 7

**Happy Thanksgiving everyone! :) Well, since I am sitting comfortably at home and all the relatives are coming to our house, I am free to post a chapter as my parents run around frantically trying to prepare food. XD And I figured since it was Thanksgiving I'd better update! Thanksgiving is a a day for giving, and what better gift than another chapter? Anyways, I hope you're all having a wonderful Thanksgiving! :)**

**I do not own TMNT.**

April held her breath, pressing herself against the rock and not daring to move a muscle. Despite her perilous situation, she felt a twinge of satisfaction. Operation 'ninja snowball fight' had been more than successful. She had the bruises from snowballs hitting her at high speed to prove it. There was a slight rustle from above her, and she smiled. Ninjas they may be, but the farm was unfamiliar territory. No high alleyways and deep shadows to hide in; out here it was fairly open, and cover was sparse, not to mention what cover there was happened to be bushes and trees which are very hard to move silently through. Slowly, she picked up a handful of snow, balling it up in her hands until it was solidly packed.

_Deep breaths,_ she thought to herself, _But not too deep or he'll hear you._

A few clumps of snow fell from the branches above her, and April's head snapped up. A figure was cleverly concealed in the boughs of the pine tree. Slowly, so that they didn't catch her movement, she raised her arm, positioning the angle of her throw and flexing her wrist. So far, he hadn't noticed her. Holding her breath, April reeled back her arm, then in a sudden violent snap, threw the snowball. It hurtled towards the figure, and they turned around in surprise. Quickly he tried to dodge out of the way, but not quickly enough. The snowball didn't quite hit him head-on as April had intended, but it did smack into his shoulder.

"Yes!" April whooped, pumping her fists. "Score! Five points for April!"

In a flash though another snowball came rushing at her, far faster than her own. She had no time to react and the snowball hit her in the stomach. She nearly doubled over at the impact.

"Lucky shot," Raph jumped out of the evergreen tree, smirking. "And I'm at thirty one now."

"Oh, shut up," April wheezed, "It's not my fault I haven't been training to be a ninja for my entire life. How do you throw those things so fast?"

"Like you said, training," Raph chuckled, shaking his head. "You've probably got bruises all over by now."

"No kidding," April frowned. "Who knew snowball fights could be so dangerous?"

"Hey, no complaining," Raph said, rolling his eyes. "This was your idea."

"Touché," April responded, straightening herself back out. "So, where are the others at? Or are you guys all playing solo?"

"Don and Mikey might have teamed up, but other than that I have no idea," Raph said with a shrug. "But trust me, they'll show up any minute. They have to have someone to throw the snowballs at, and you're the easiest target."

"Hey!" April said with a fake pout. "That's not very gentlemanly of you."

"Since when was I a gentleman?" Raph teased, plucking April's yellow-and-white striped hat off her head and holding it up in the air.

"You!" April said, putting on her angriest look. "Give it back!"

"Na, you've got to earn it back, sister," Raph laughed. "Gimme your best shot."

"Ok, you asked for it," April said threateningly. With a huff she started to throw punches at the red-masked turtle, but he easily ducked and dodged them, backing up as she advanced on him.

"Come'on," Raph said, ducking underneath a punch to his head. "You'll have to do better than that, red-head."

"Totally not fair," April snapped, backing up a few paces and taking a defensive stance. "What am I supposed to do? You've been doing this your whole life and I just started - what - a year ago?"

"True," Raphael commented. "I learned all the moves you're pulling a long time ago. So do something unexpected! Make something up!"

"How the heck do you just make up a move?!" April protested.

"Use what you know, and then take the environment into consideration," Raphael said, motioning around wildly. "Use it to your advantage, genius."

April's eyes flitted around the landscape. _Something unexpected..._April frowned, growing more and more frustrated by the second. All there was out here was trees and snow, and what the crap could she do with-

It was suddenly like a little lightbulb going off in her head. _Snow! Duh! What can't I do with snow? _April moved suddenly, bending over as she ran and throwing up handfuls of the white powder. It flew everywhere and Raph let a small exclamation of surprise, closing his eyes and blocking his face on instinct. It didn't last long, but it gave April the perfect opportunity to rush in and attack. Knowing his weak spot, she aimed a kick at his knees and it landed perfectly, her foot stinging on the impact as she heard a satisfying thwack. Raphael yelped and stumbled backwards, landing in the snow with a huff.

"Ha!" April said in triumph, standing above him and trying to mask the fact that the kick had probably done as much damage to her foot as it had done to his knees. "I think that earns me my hat back."

"Alright alright," Raph said, tossing the hat back up at her. She caught it mid air rather gracefully, much to her satisfaction. "But next time you're not getting any hints."

"Booyakasha!" Mikey suddenly came hurtling out of a nearby shrub wearing a too-big green and black coat, one arm cradling at least twenty snowballs to his chest while the other one started to throw them rapidly at his red-masked brother. One or two hit Raph before he was into the battle, scooping up snow and balling it up before he threw it in retaliation at his youngest brother. The two danced around in the snow, dodging and throwing snowballs faster than April could comprehend. Some found their mark and others didn't, but the two were both going at each other full force. April almost laughed to think of a time when she had thought snowball fights with regular people were intense. That was a walk in the park compared to this.

"Goongala!" Casey suddenly came charging across the white field, snowballs in hand and a certain purple masked terrapin hot on his trail. Before long the entire backyard was a battle zone, snowballs flying every which way. Donnie, Raph and Mikey were flashing around like bullets, and although Casey was holding his own fairly well he seemed to be having trouble keeping up. April crawled underneath a pine tree for a moment to stay out of the line of fire and watched quietly from her post, like a cat.

Her attention snapped to Mikey, who was backing up towards her as he threw snowballs at all three of his opponents. _Forgot about me, didn't you? _April thought cockily, smiling as she lunged out and grabbed his leg, tripping him. He screamed and came crashing down, almost landing on April, but the girl rolled out of the way at the last second.

"Gotcha Mikey!" April laughed, propping herself up on her elbows and looking down at him. Mikey grinned, his cheeks red with the cold but his blue eyes bright with excitement.

"So you did," Mikey said, poking her nose playfully. "Team up?"

"Totally," April said. They shared a high five before jumping to their feet again. "I'll distract em', you sneak up from behind."

"You sure April?" Mikey asked dubiously. "You're already banged up as it is-"

"And you've got the better and faster aim," April countered. "I don't mind, seriously."

"Alrighty!" Mikey gave her a salute before he disappeared in the shrubbery. April gathered an armful of snow in her arms, careful to keep it light and powdery. _If it worked once, it'll work again, _she thought confidently, running at the three boys and tossing the snow at them with a battle cry. All three snapped their hands up to their face as the snow flew at them, Donnie giving out a particularly high-pitched yelp. April began to grab handfuls of snow, packing them into snowballs as fast as she could and pelting Donnie, Raph and Casey with them. It wasn't long before all their attention had been directed at her. Snowballs were hitting her constantly, but she ignored them and continued to work furiously, snowball after snowball forming in her hands and flying out at one of the boys.

"Red's on a rampage!" Casey crowed in amusement.

"Got that right!" April yelled, a grin covering her face. She shared a quick glance with Mikey, who was right behind the three of them, gathering up snowballs.

"You know, in real battle your tactic wouldn't work," Donatello pointed out, calm and reserved. "You're getting hit way too many times."

"Well, this isn't real battle, is it?" April said, trying to make her voice as cheerful and playful as possible. "Come'on Don, relax a bit!" Donatello smiled stiffly and April felt her light mood sink a little. Their entire exchange felt so forced. _This isn't how it should be._ But before she could ponder on it any more Mikey cried out and began to throw snowballs at the three of them from behind, his arms flashing so fast they were almost a blur. The three boys whipped around in surprise, aiming their weapons previously meant for April at the youngest turtle. April laughed and continued with her snowball throwing, so that there were snowballs coming at them from both directions. The three boys desperately tried to fend them off, but it wasn't long before Casey fell down into the snow, laughing.

"I give, I give!" he said, raising his arms up in surrender.

"Alright, I guess I'll go with Casey on this one," Donnie chuckled. "You win." Raph frowned, but consented and pouted as the snowballs ceased.

"Whoot! April and Mikey take it for the win!" Mikey whooped, sharing a smile with the red-head girl.

"What about the points?" Casey asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"You surrendered, so points are no longer valid," April said, teasingly ruffling his hair. Casey stuck out his tongue and pulled her down with a quick jerk. She squealed and fell into the snow, a cloud of white billowing up around her. Mikey giggled and fell into the snow between Raph and Donnie, grabbing their shoulders and pulling them in towards him.

"Aww, group hug!" he said. April laughed and pulled Casey over, both of them joining in the hug. Before long they were all a mass of arms, excluding Raph, who just sat and frowned, but that was Raph for you. Mikey was attempting to be in contact with everyone, resulting in a very squished hug, with Raph somehow ending up being in the middle of it all. April laughed as his mouth twisted into a disgusted look.

"Why am I in the middle of this-?" Raph growled, trying to worm his way out of the four pairs of arms.

"Cause you weren't hugging anyone," Mikey sniffed, faking at resentment. "Serves you right." April laughed at the look on the red-masked ninja's face and she just hugged his arm tighter. Donnie's eyes sparkled with new life as he rested one arm one Mikey's shoulder and the other on Raphael's. Casey was trying his best not to smile, but April could read the laughter on his face. And to be honest, the hot-headed turtle being in the center of a group hug really was amusing. After another few seconds Raph started to force them off him.

"Alright, sappy time is over," Raph scoffed, prying Mikey's hands off his stomach. April detached herself, followed by the other three boys.

"Well, I think that went well," April said, breathing out deeply, clapping her hands together and looking at the four boys. She could still see the uncomfortable tension between Casey and Raph, but that was for them to sort out. She had already done more than her part.

"That went awesome!" Mikey said, practically bouncing with excitement.

"Who's up for hot cocoa?" April asked cheerfully. "And not the stuff from the packets either, I can do it homemade!"

"Hot cocoa party!" Mikey said with a sense of finality. "No ifs, ands, or buts."

"Fine by me," Casey shrugged.

"Sounds fun," Donatello said with a smile, his eyes purposefully looking at Mikey instead of April. The girl tried to not notice his obviously uncomfortable gesture.

"Whatever," Raph said, trying to look as nonchalant as possible.

"It's settled then," April said, flashing them all a cheerful grin. The group of five walked back to the house, chattering quietly and sounding quite a bit more happy than a day or two ago. April smiled, rubbing her hands together to keep them warm.

That had went even better than she had expected.

. . . . .

Raphael watched the snowflakes starting to fall as the troop headed back to the house. As much as he hated to admit it, April's little snowball game had been fun. It had been too long since they had done any sort of training, even games. With Splinter gone and Leo unconscious, there had been no one to pester them about it. _Does that responsibility fall on me now, being the oldest out of the three? _The thought troubled Raphael. He had never cared much for all that responsibility crap. That was Leo's expertise. But who knew how long it would be before Leo woke up? It had only been a month where they hadn't been training and already Raph noticed that him and his brothers were a little rough around the edges. As much as he hated to admit it, they needed to train, and he was not only the oldest one of the brothers, but the oldest in the entire house. Nobody else would take the responsibility upon themselves.

Raphael shoved thoughts of training and responsibility aside and instead focused on a more imminent issue; Casey. He still wanted to beat some sense into the punk, but no matter angry he was, Casey had apologized, which was more than Raph had expected of him. Maybe he'd give him a little leeway. Well, either way he was sick of this fight and he planned on ending it now.

As they approached the farmhouse, Raphael faltered for a moment, then completely stopped. "Hey. Jones," Raph growled. Casey turned to look at him in surprise. "You stay here with me." Raphael pointed at the ground in front of him to emphasize his point. Casey's eyes flashed over to April and Mikey, panicked, but they offered him no help and instead just continued on towards the house. Mikey gave Casey an encouraging smile before he disappeared inside followed by April and Donnie.

"Uh, alright," Casey said, biting his lip and cautiously making his way over to Raph, who waited with his arms crossed and his expression anything but amused. It was one of the few times Raph had seen Casey actually scared of him. Even when they had first met the hockey-playing teen hadn't been afraid of his grotesque figure.

"Look Raph, I'm really sorry-" Casey began, but Raph cut him off with a glare.

"Yeah yeah, I've already heard your little spiel," Raph grunted.

"...so what is it you want?" Casey asked tentatively, rocking on his heels nervously and keeping his eyes on the space just to the right of Raphael.

"You know how I work," Raphael said, rolling back his shoulders.

"Yeah," Casey sighed, clenching his jaw. "Yeah I know how you work pretty darn well."

"Then you know what I want," Raphael growled, setting himself into an offensive stance. His feet were spread wide apart and his fists held up to the level of his shoulders. Casey set himself into a defensive pose, swallowing nervously. _You'd better be nervous Jones, _Raph thought, narrowing his eyes. They stood off silently for a minute, their eyes locked and neither making a move.

Suddenly Raphael snarled and sent a kick into Casey's side, well-aimed and fast. Casey hopped backwards, avoiding the kick, and Raphael's foot hit thin air. They began to circle each other carefully. Raph threw a punch at Casey's cheek so fast that Casey hardly saw it coming before it hit. He grunted and flinched backwards at the impact.

"You can be a real jerk, y'know that?" Raphael growled, his fists still clenched and his eyes dangerous.

"It just came out of my mouth before I could think about it," Casey said, ducking a punch to his head. "You of all people should understand that."

"We already lost Splinter," Raphael snarled, panting heavily as he danced around Casey, throwing punches and hitting him more times than not. "April's dad, your family, Karai; too many. I'm not planning on adding Leo to the list. Are you?"

"Not on your life," Casey said through gritted teeth as he landed a kick on Raphael's stomach. Raph took a few steps backwards, rebalancing himself.

"Good," Raphael said, his arms trembling with adrenaline. "Cause I'm not putting up with any more of your little outbursts."

"I'm with you to the end Raph," Casey said as he took a punch to the arm. "You know that."

"Well I'm starting to doubt it Jones," Raphael snapped, giving Casey a kick to the chest that was a little harder than he had first intended.

"I was frustrated because everyone felt so detached from each other and I didn't like it," Casey wheezed, putting one hand on his ribs where Raphael had kicked him. "And I was losing hope on Leo, alright? I'm still freaking terrified for him, and I didn't want to raise false hopes."

"So did I," Raphael said intensely, grabbing Casey's coat collar and jerking him forward. "But I think I'd rather take a chance and go with hopes that might be false than give up on him. You don't give up on brothers."

"Never," Casey said confidently, putting his hands on Raphael's shoulders. They stared at each other unflinchingly, Casey slightly trembling. Raph searched the teens eyes. In a second the red-masked turtle had twisted around, grabbing Casey's shoulder and flinging him over his shoulder. Casey screamed as he soared up, then came crashing down into the snow with a thunk. Raphael watched with a slightly amused look as Casey landed in the snow with a grunt.

"What the-" Casey cursed from his spot in the snow, not even bothering to get up.

"Alright, calm down," Raphael snorted, offering a hand to Casey. "I threw you into a snowdrift, so your landing was soft. No complaints." Casey frowned, taking Raph's hand. Raphael pulled him to his feet and Casey brushed himself off.

"We cool then?" he asked cautiously, cocking an eyebrow.

"You look pretty 'cool'," Raph said with a smirk. "Like a snowman."

"I'll take that as a yes," Casey laughed, punching Raphael's arm lightly. Raph wrapped his arm around Casey's neck and put him into a headlock, violently ruffling his hair and laughing. Casey struggled against him, grunting angrily; but a smile adorned his face. After a moment Raph released him and Casey stood up, straightening himself out.

"Welcome back to the family, Casey Jones," Raphael teased. The two fist-bumped before they headed back to the house.

_Not a bad day, _Raphael thought to himself, smirking with pleasure. _Not a bad day at all._


	8. Chapter 8

**So I wanted to post this on Christmas, but I couldn't manage to finish it, so it's a couple days late. :( Sorry bout' that! I hope you enjoy it nonetheless, and Merry (late) Christmas everyone!**

**I do not own TMNT.**

"You know," Donatello sat in the armchair, studying the small piece of chocolate in his hand. "I've noticed that chocolate tastes sweeter when you're upset. I wonder if the same goes for life. Do good things seem better when your life is a mess?" Shrugging, the purple-clad turtle popped the chocolate into his mouth.

"Since when are you a philosopher?" Raph drawled out as he flipped through the scarce amount of channels on their television.

"I guess since today," Donnie forced out a laugh as he took another piece of chocolate. "Where did we get this stuff anyways?"

"Dude, you've been really out of it, haven't you?" Raph said, raising an eyebrow questioningly. "Don't you remember? April went to the store last week. That really tiny one that it takes half an hour to drive to? Apparently they have chocolate there."

"It's good chocolate," Donatello said. "Although it's the only chocolate I've ever had."

"You're so weird," Raph muttered with a slight shake of his head.

"Raph! Donnie!" April's voice rang out from the kitchen, and Donatello felt a twinge of guilt at the very sound of it. Dear Lord, how could one girl put him in such emotional turmoil? At times he hated her for putting him through it, but then he hated himself for even thinking he hated her. "Hot cocoa is ready!"

"She sounds like she's playing at being our mother," Raphael snorted, getting up off the chair. "Although I'm not sure I could handle a little short red-head following me around telling me to go to bed and wash my hands before meals." Donnie half-heartedly laughed at the thought, and Raphael's smile faded.

"Hey. Donnie," Raph leaned over, putting a hand on his younger brother's shoulder. His green eyes were intense. "I'm here if you need me. Ok?" Donatello was slightly startled at the action. Raphael had never been one to offer comfort, but the oldest wasn't hesitating now. Donnie looked into his eyes and saw something flash in them for a moment. Something not Raph-like at all. Something that reminded him of...Leo.

"I'll be fine Raph, really," Donatello said with a sad smile.

"I'm not an idiot Donnie," Raph growled, his hand clenching tighter around his shoulder. "I know that the situation between you and April isn't going great, but remember that she's_ just a girl_." Before Donnie could reply Raph had already left, gone in an instant. A moment later his voice came from the kitchen.

"You got totally _creamed_ in the snowball fight today April." The comment was quickly followed by the sound of a towel smacking against skin and a chorus of "oooohs" from Mikey and Casey.

Donatello sank down further into his chair, staring into the fireplace and contemplating Raph's words. Did April make him happy? He wanted to say yes. When he was around her he felt lightheaded and dizzy. She was beautiful and talented, not to mention she was able to hold her own fairly well. But every time he talked to her he left wanting more, wishing for more. She never gave him what he wanted, just held it right above him, like teasing a dog with a bone that's just out of it's reach. Donatello's gut twisted. He wanted to scream. Scream at April, scream at his brothers, scream at the world. Instead he stuffed the feeling deep in his chest in an attempt to stifle it.

"Donnie?"

The voice set him off in panic mode. No, he couldn't face her; not now. Excuse, excuse, he needed an excuse-

Leo.

Frantically Donatello scrambled to his feet and ran over to the stairs. He caught a flash in his vision before he was clawing his way up the stairs and ignoring the voice behind him calling out, "Donnie, wait!". Rounding the corner and nearly tripping on the rug, he flew into the bathroom and shut the door behind him, breathing heavily. Here he was safe from the turmoil. He looked around. Faded blue walls with oversized white wood baseboards. Chipped and cracked black and white tiles. It was a small room, and there, in the left corner, was the never moving figure of Leonardo, as he sat in the tub, stripped of all his gear and missing his mask. Without his mask, he looked vulnerable. Nothing like their leader. Slowly, Donatello inhaled, then exhaled.

"Hi Leo," he said quietly, a small smile escaping him despite himself. Meticulously, he grabbed a stool and went over to his brother, sitting down and leaning forwards to look at him closer. The worst wound, the gash in his stomach, seemed to be getting better, and his breathing wasn't so shallow anymore. The small scars where glass had stuck into his older brother's skin were starting to fade. Donnie sighed in defeat. Any day Leo could slip out of reach; they had no way to monitoring his vital organs or anything. What really bothered him was that he couldn't figure out what part of his brain had been injured, as they had no scanning machines, so there was nothing he could do but hope that in time the damage would reverse itself. Every time he came in the room he held his breath, praying to whatever higher power would listen that his older brother was alright.

"Leo, I…" Donnie shook his head. This was crazy; he was talking to an unconscious person in a coma-like state. Leo only had a fifty-fifty chance of remembering anything he said if-no, when he woke up. Instead of deterring him, it made the urge to talk stronger.

"So, things have been pretty crazy lately," Donnie sighed, rubbing the sides of his head. "I snapped at April and I just...I don't know. I feel awful about it. And Raph brought up a good question. He asked me if April made me happy, and I don't know the answer, I don't seem to know a lot of things lately." Donatello continued to ramble, if only to distract himself. "April is the most amazing girl I've ever met and I'm a freak of nature. By all means I should have no chance with her, but...but I can't help but try. I could really use your advice right now big brother. You've always been the one who's smart about this kinda stuff."

Donatello brought his own shaky hand to Leo's and held it tightly, staring at his closed eyes. "Wake up," Donnie whispered under his breath. "Please."

"I already tried that, and it didn't work."

Donatello whipped around, his eyes crazed. They landed on the red-masked figure in the door and he quickly relaxed. "Oh, it's you again," Donatello sighed, turning away from his brother. "How did you know where I was?"

"It wasn't hard to figure out," Raph said with a half-hearted laugh and a shrug. Silence filled the room, but it was a relaxed, comfortable silence. Raphael walked over to join his younger brother as he went down on his knees and looked at Leonardo.

"Everyone's wondering where you are," Raph said quietly, his voice lacking it's usual roughness. Donatello shrugged, not tearing his eyes away to look at Raph. "You know you have to face them at some point, right? You'll have to face her." Raphael countered gruffly. Donnie flinched slightly.

"Can I just be alone? Please?" Donatello asked in a broken voice.

"We've all been alone for the past month," Raphael growled. "I think that's enough of that to last us the next year."

"Since when you are the one who resolves conflicts?" Donatello asked with a frown.

"Since...this," Raph said, motioning at Leonardo. "With Leo out, I'm the oldest. And I can't let you guys down. I can't let Leo down. I'm trying Donnie. But I'm not a leader, not like him." Raph sighed, putting his head in his hands. "None of us are."

"He'll wake up. And it'll be fine," Donnie said, but his voice wavered. "You'll see."

"Guys!" Mikey's head suddenly popped into the room, his orange mask tails bouncing with every motion of his head. "You're missing out the the best hot cocoa on the planet!" Raph threw a glance at Donnie, but the purple-masked mutant didn't move. Mikey's eyes flickered between Donnie and Leo, understanding dawning upon him.

"Leo will be fine," Mikey said with a slightly smaller smile. "He's a tough cookie. He'll make it out alright."

"Ok, I'm coming," Donnie sighed in defeat, standing up with a grunt. Mikey clapped his hands together, dancing into the room and pausing next to the bathtub just long enough to put his hand on Leo's for a moment with a slightly solemn expression, then he had grabbed Donatello's arm and was dragging him out of the room. Raph watched, amused, as the two younger brothers disappeared around the corner. The red-masked terrapin made a move to get up, but paused, glancing back down at Leonardo.

"I'll try Leo," Raph said, taking in a deep breath. "I promise. But you know me." Raph let out a short laugh. "I freak out in stressful situations, I make quick choices, I've got an uncontrollable temper." Letting out a deep breath, Raph shook his head. "I think that's the first time I've ever admitted that. Honestly Leo, look what you're doing, getting me to admit my flaws and control my temper. You should be ashamed." Raph clenched his fist, closing his eyes. The silence filled him up and curled unpleasantly in his stomach.

"Yeah," Raph said softly, relaxing his muscles and looking down at Leo. "I thought that's what you'd say."

. . . . .

"What is this?"

April let out a yell and lunged over just in time to cover up the bag of groceries on the counter that she hadn't unpacked. Casey drew back his hand and backed up a few paces, raising an eyebrow questioningly. April frowned and quickly regained her composure, grabbing the bag and holding it behind her back.

"It's Christmas gifts," she replied in a snappy tone. "So no peeking."

"Whoa, what?" Casey said, looking confused. "Christmas gifts?" April sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Don't tell me you've never heard of Christmas gifts before," April began to drawl out, shaking her head.

"No no no, what I meant was why are you getting Christmas gifts? It's not like anyone needs them," Casey said. Raph passed by and gave them both a curious look.

"Christmas what?" he said, glancing at them suspiciously. "I think we've had quite enough 'Christmas' for one day, thank you very much." Mikey perked up from his spot on the counter and leaned out to get a better look.

"It's Christmas, and I'm getting gifts," April said firmly as she stuffed the bag underneath the counter. "That's what you do at Christmas. Surely you guys have gotten Christmas gifts before?"

The three terrapins shared glances. "Not really…." Donnie said uncertainly. "Maybe we got some new weapons or something, but they weren't all wrapped up and stuff…"

"Oh! Except for Santa! He always gives me the coolest stuff!" Mikey piped up.

"My dad doesn't even give me gifts on my birthday," Casey retorted. "And my sister's too young to buy me anything."

"You have got to be kidding me," April said, slack-jawed. "You've never gotten Christmas presents before? How is that even possible when you live in America?"

"Don't ask me!" Raph replied, throwing his hands in the air as if surrendering.

"Well, I guess I've got to spoil you then," April said with a smirk. "To make up for all the other Christmases." The boys replied with a series of groans. April tutted teasingly as she put another kettle of water on the antique stove. "And there's nothing you can do to stop me." As she worked diligently on her second batch of hot cocoa, Donnie stared into his cup. Christmas presents...the gears started to turn in his head.

Donatello yelped as he was wrenched away from his thoughts by a green and orange flash whizzing past him. Mikey crashed into the living room and was quickly followed by Raphael, who had a devilish grin on his face.

"YEAH! FIGHT!" Casey whooped, running after them.

"DON'T BREAK ANYTHING!" April yelled, her voice sharp and a slight growl in her tone. Immediately after there was a series of screams before a loud crash and the sound of many hard objects hitting the floor.

"And there goes the bookshelf," April sighed, rubbing her forehead. Donnie couldn't help himself; he let out a low chuckle and smiled for a fraction of a second. April sent him a tentative smile, but by then he had already returned to his indifferent expression. April felt her stomach sink a little at the action. Was he still mad at her? She hadn't realized...but then again, he was under a lot of stress, so most of the things he said probably weren't true, just spur of the moment words. _You just keep telling yourself that April,_ an absent thought retorted.

_Oh, shut up,_ she thought angrily, pushing back her little commentary.

She glanced back over at Donnie and found him staring out the window, his eyes taking on the glazed look that meant he was deep in thought. It was times like this when April allowed herself to stare at him, as he was paying no attention to anyone or anything at all. Silently she put down the rag she had been holding and leaned on the table, looking over at him. Ever since they had met she had become fascinated with his strange human-turtle body. It was like nothing she had ever seen, and the way that the animal merged so perfectly with the human was stunning to say the least, and almost a little scary. She knew how rough the green reptilian skin was; she'd held that three-fingered hand countless times. There was no part of him that was soft in any sort of way; it was hard and rough and firm with the muscles built from over a decade of training. His shell was hard as a rock and the back was able to take nearly any weapon's blow. There were chips and cracks and faded out spots, and underneath it all was a delicate swirling pattern, etched in from birth. In fact, she had never noticed how beautiful his shell was. It was like a piece of art in itself, and the marks only added to its personality. She wanted to draw the swirling pattern in her journal.

All these thoughts turned to guilty ones when Casey floated back up to the top of her thoughts. How could she be admiring either of them when she hadn't chosen between the two?

_Soon. Soon._ She thought comfortingly to herself, taking a deep breath._ I promise I'll choose. But in the meantime..._April's eyes flickered over to the drawer where she had stuffed the presents and she smiled openly this time. She may not have been a ninja master, but she had a keen eye and she paid attention to people, not to mention she got these weird feelings about things sometimes. All of that combined made her confident that the boys would find their presents very desirable.

"Hey, I say we go back out to the barn and bring in those decorations!" Mikey's voice piped up from the other room. "Just think about how pretty it'll look in here!"

"Your head'll look pretty when I'm done with it," Raphael's growly voice snapped. "All black and blue. That'll be_ real_ pretty." The threat made April want to shrivel up. She knew he didn't mean it and he was a soft guy underneath, but sometimes he scared her. Ok, more like he scared her a lot.

"You're such a goofball Raph!" Mikey said with a laugh.

"I'll go with you Mikey," Casey said, and April could picture his face perfectly in her minds eye. She also could almost see the grin that Mikey would be wearing at the moment.

"Wait up, I'm coming too," Donatello said, blinking the glazedness out of his eyes, then standing up and leaving without so much as a glance. April frowned. Was he ignoring her? Or perhaps hiding himself? Either way she didn't like it. There was a grunt of general consent from Raph, and then the four boys were trooping out of the house together. They created a loud clamour as they went out onto the porch, and then the door closed and April was suddenly very alone.

Well, not quite alone.

She grabbed her gifts from under the counter, then headed for the staircase. Cautiously, she made her way up the stairs. She hadn't seen Leo by herself for a while, and although there wasn't much for her to do in there she felt obligated to visit him. Each step made a soft creak as her foot hit the wood, and she counted twelve of them before she was at the second level. Then she was headed down the hall, and before she knew it she was going into the bathroom.

_It's a good thing we have two bathrooms,_ she thought to herself somewhat comically. _Or Leo might have had to wake up one day to one of us showering or using the toilet. That would be awkward._

She came in to the familiar setting and headed straight for Leo. Giving him a quick look over, she smiled when she saw his wounds were healing nicely. Then with gentle movements, she placed her hands on his wrist and began to massage them. Donnie had stated early on that his muscles would get stiff if they just let him sit there motionless, and April had been assigned to the task of taking sure that didn't happen. When she asked why, Donnie had told her it was because she had small, gentle hands. He had held up his own hand and told her jokingly that a massage with his hands would do more harm then good. She looked at Leo as her hands continued to work at his tense muscles.

"You're doing good Leo," April said, talking to herself more than anything. "You'd be upset if you knew how much stress you're causing." She laughed to herself. "You're the one always telling everyone not to worry about you." She looked down and her laughter faded away, her massage faltering.

"Hey Leo?" she said quietly. "We miss you. We could really use you right now."

At her words, the hand she had been massaging suddenly clenched into a fist and Leo's breathing sped up. April gasped and her hands flew away as she stared wide eyed. Leo's hand slowly unclenched and he let out a long breath, before his breathing returned. April sat, dazed.

"Leo?" she finally managed to squeak out, but the turtle didn't respond. The action was hardly proof of consciousness. _It could just be a muscle reaction, or a symptom or something,_ April thought, trying to calm herself down. But it had seemed like he had _heard_ her. And no matter how many times she tried to stifle it, the small action gave her hope.


	9. Chapter 9

**Ug, so I meant to update again on New Year's. Yeah, that didn't happen. I got really sick over Christmas break and I felt awful, so I got no writing done then. School (and work) started up again, and since it was the end of the first semester things got pretty crazy with teachers trying to cram in everything last minute. Soooo, those are my excuses, and i know i really should have gotten this up at least a little sooner, but here it is, so I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!**

**I do not own TMNT.**

"How am I supposed to know what she likes?"

Casey was draped melodramatically over one of the barn crates, his feet dangling over the edge as he buried himself in his coat, his hat pulled over his head at an angle. Raph rolled his eyes at his friend's comment as he pulled out another string of garland from one of the crates of holiday decorations they had found in the barn.

"She's a girl. Just get her something pink and sparkly," Raph grunted.

"Seriously dude? April's color is _yellow, _in case you hadn't noticed the fact she's always wearing that number five yellow tee shirt," Casey retorted. "And besides, you really think Red would like a bunch of sparkly girl crap? She doesn't even wear makeup!"

"Then get her something yellow!" Raph sighed in exasperation. "Why the heck are you asking me about this? I don't hardly talk to the chick."

"Sure you do, you just don't realize it," Casey said, sitting up and giving Raph a pleading look. "You have to know _something._"

"Listen," Raph said, standing up and turning to glare at him. "All I know is that April's a girl, and girls like stupid stuff like jewelry and purses. In fact, why don't you just _ask her _what she'd like?" Casey stuck out his bottom lip in a pout and crossed his arms.

"You can't ask a girl what she wants," Casey said, giving him a 'look'. "It's as good as saying 'Here, pick out your own present, cause' I don't care'." Raph sighed and didn't respond, turning back to the crate and pulling out more assortments of Christmas decor. Casey's frown deepened before he turned to the purple clad turtle walking by and instantly plastered on a way-too-big smile.

"Hey, Donnie, you'd know what April likes," Casey prompted.

"Haha Casey, very funny," Donnie deadpanned, making no further comment as he hauled a bundle of wreaths to the other side of the barn.

"Would you just stop worrying and help us out?" Raph said in exasperation. "You've still got a couple of weeks." Casey blew out a breath of air in an annoyed way before he sidled out of the crate. Suddenly Mikey came bouncing around the corner, his eyes bright.

"Dudes, I know _exactly _what April would want," Mikey said, picking up a string of lights and wrapping them around his arm. "I bet she'd _loooooove _a puppy! I mean, who wouldn't?"

"Nobody is going to get _anyone_ a puppy," Donatello shouted from the other side of the barn. "Your cat is already hard to deal with, and she can't even leave the freezer!"

"My cat is the most well-behaved kitty in the world!" Mikey countered. "Name one time she's misbehaved."

"Yesterday she flung one of the frozen pizzas at my face when I opened the freezer," Raphael said, butting into the debate. Mikey turned to him, his face emanating annoyance.

"Well that's because it's _you_ Raph," Mikey drawled out. "You aren't nice to her, so she's not nice to you. If you'd just talk to her nicely and ask for things when you open the freezer instead of grabbing them and invading her personal space, maybe she wouldn't throw things at you."

"It's not like she owns the food in there!" Raph said, his voice starting to escalate. "I shouldn't have to ask a freakin' cat for my own food!"

"She doesn't like it when people come in without a proper greeting," Mikey said. "Cats have feelings too, you know." Raph let out a frustrated grunt, but bit his tongue to hold back any comeback he had in mind. The fight wasn't worth it, and besides, he'd had enough fighting for now. The poor cat would just melt if she wasn't in the freezer, and even if she was the most annoying animal on the face of the earth, Raph didn't want to actually get rid of her. The conversation died and the four boys continued working around each other, moving decorations they wanted to set up to the front doors as Mikey continued to sift through them, having decided that he was the best person to judge which decorations were they were going to put up. He took out each item with care, flipping it over and looking at it from all angles before he either put in in the 'use' pile or the 'don't use' pile. As Raph approached him, Mikey glanced up, his eyes showing a moment of hesitation, before he casually asked, "Hey Raph, what do you want?"

"What?" Raph said absentmindedly, picking up a pile of wreaths.

"I asked, "what do you want?". As in, what do you want for Christmas?" Mikey said, pausing in his work to look up at his older brother. Raph's expression went from confused to panicked to pissed off in fractions of seconds.

"Mikey, just don't worry about it," Raph said bluntly. "Ok? I don't want anything."

"But you have to want _something_," Michelangelo said, scooting closer with a wide-eyed look. "Come'on Raphie-"

"Don't call me that," Raph snapped, tensing up immediately. "You _know _I _hate _it when you call me that. I'm not three years old, for crying out loud." To Raph's surprise, Mikey giggled. Since when did he have the nerve to do that?

"Actually, you let me call you that until you were five," Mikey laughed, lifting up a wreath to cover his face. "Raphie." Raph growled, snatching the wreath out of his hands and whacking him over the head with it. Mikey flinched a little, but the grin didn't leave his face.

"Did he just call you Raphie?" Donatello popped around the corner, his eyes bright. "I haven't heard that nickname since we were four!"

"ShutupShutupShutup," Raph said through gritted teeth.

"Aw, come'on, lighten up a bit," Mikey laughed, punching Raph's arm. "What do you want for Christmas, Raphie?"

"I want you to shut up, that's what I want," Raphael snarled, whacking Michelangelo across the face with a wreath. "And to wipe that stupid grin off your face before I punch your teeth out."

"You wouldn't do that though," Mikey said, making his eyes bigger and sticking out his bottom lip. "It'd make me cry." Raphael rolled his eyes, grabbing Mikey's head in his hand and pushing him back. Mikey fell down with a slight yelp and Donnie laughed lightly.

"Raphie," Donnie said, smirking slightly. "I'll have to remember that."

"No, you really shouldn't," Raphael growled, his mouth twisting into a deeper frown.

"Raphie?" Casey suddenly appeared, poking his head around the corner. "Now that is _rich._ Who came up with that?" Donnie half-smiled, pointing at Mikey, who gave Casey a little wave and grin before Raph whacked him again with his wreath.

"Ow! Raph!" Mikey whined, rubbing his head. "Abuse!"

"You're a _ninja _Mikey, you shouldn't hardly feel that," Raphael snapped.

"But it's got a bunch of pointy needles!" Michelangelo complained.

"Well get over it," Raph said, smacking the wreath down on Mikey's head and letting go so it rested on him like a crown. Mikey curled in for a moment in pain, but then promptly laughed, slightly adjusting the wreath.

"Look, I'm princess of Christmas!" Mikey said in a high-pitched, fluttery voice. "Where are my cookies? I need some holly over here! Donnie and Casey burst out laughing as Mikey bounced to his feet, fluttering his eyes and pursing his lips, and Raph just groaned, rubbing his forehead.

"No no no wait, I've got something better," Mikey said with a devilish grin. Then in a couple of swift movements he danced over to Raphael. Raph leaned back, scowling with displeasure. Michelangelo cleared his throat, then whisked up a holly branch off one of the crates, holding it gingerly between his thumb and finger.

"I am the ghost of Christmas present," Mikey said, rolling his r's with practiced ease as he waved around his holly branch. "And I am here to tell Raphie to lighten up and enjoy the fun." Raphael snatched the wreath off his head and tossed it back in the pile. "Oh no! My crown!" Mikey cried melodramatically. Donatello burst out into a full-fledged laugh, leaning against a pile of boxes to steady himself, and Casey slapped his leg, doubling over.

"Well, I'm your older brother, and I'm here to tell you to get back to work," Raph growled. "How do you even know what that movie is anyways?"

"You're no fun Raph," Mikey said, sticking out his tongue. "And I know about it the same way you do, I watched some of it when it was on TV and April was watching." Casey and Donnie shared smiles (a very rare occurrence) over Mikey's ridiculous antics, before Donatello picked up a pile of holly and Casey wandered off towards the doors. Mikey crouched over and straightened out his piles of 'use' and 'not use' decorations as Raph grabbed his hat off the ground, pulling it on and heading towards the barn doors.

"Hey, Raph," Mikey called out, cupping one hand around his mouth. Raph paused, turning around.

"What now?" Raph said, a slight hint of irritation in his voice.

"...So what _do _you want for Christmas?" Mikey asked, tilting his head. Raph groaned, slamming his head down on one of the boxes. Michelangelo simply smiled and laughed.

. . . . .

"No no no, a not _that _far down," April shouted from her perch in the front yard. Casey half-rolled his eyes before he lifted up the string of lights slightly, raising an eyebrow.

"Ok, ok, hold it there…" April said, lifting up her hands and narrowing her eyes. "Now just a tiny bit further up…stop! Right there!" Casey let out a relieved breath and he positioned a nail into the side of the house, hammering it in to create something for the lights to rest on. April smiled in satisfaction, turning her attention to the red-clad turtle grudgingly hanging a wreath on the door, and the orange-masked turtle carefully arranging candles on the inside of the windows. The boys had come back from the barn with crates full of decorations, and those had just been the ones they had picked out as the good decor. She hadn't known how many Christmas things they had in their old barn. Looking around, the lack of the a purple-masked terrapin caught her attention.

"Where's Donnie?" April asked loudly, pivoting her hips.

"Uh, here," Donatello's voice came from underneath the porch and April's eyebrows furrowed.

"What are you doing under there?" April asked, not in an exasperated or confused way, but just as a question that needed an answer. She could even feel the tension between them from a distance, like a wall keeping them apart.

"Casey dropped some of the lightbulbs for the stringed lights under the porch," Donatello said, his voice muffled. "I'm just grabbing them."

"Mmm," April said, sucking her lips in between her teeth. "Just, uh, when you come out, I've gotta tell you something, ok?" April felt his emotion immediately, one of panic and fear, and it made her own gut start twisting with worry. _Stupid psychic powers, _she cursed in her head. _Great for when you're fighting off Kraang monsters, bad when you're trying to talk to boys. _And the worst part was that it just kicked in randomly. Sometimes she wished she knew what was going on in that big mind of his, but it didn't seem to want to work until she didn't want to know how he was feeling.

"Oh, alright," Donnie said, trying to sound nonchalant, but April could hear the slight raise in his voice that indicated the tension. A few minutes of heavy silence later, the green figure wiggled his way out from under the deck, his shell just barely having enough room to slip out. April could see the red on his cheeks, and she had a slight hunch that it wasn't just from the cold. With a grunt he pulled himself out and onto his feet, brushing snow off his coat.

"Um, so, what did you want?" Donatello asked nervously, rocking on his feet. April glanced around furtively, checking to make sure the others weren't paying attention, before she began.

"Ah, it's about Leo," April said, shoving aside the fact that things had grown worse between her and Donnie, although that was what she really wanted to talk about. "Earlier today-"

"What? Did he get worse?" Donatello's face immediately paled about three tones and the earlier awkwardness between him and April disappeared in the face of his brother being in danger. "Should I go grab more of the medicine-"

"No, no!" April hissed, shaking her head and waving her hands frantically. "It's not like that. I was just doing the massage-thing you told me I should do once a week, and, well, I don't think it was my doing, but his hand moved. It just clenched into a fist for a few moments and his breathing got faster. I thought I should let you know, in case it means anything." Donatello's face slightly lightened at her words.

"It does mean something-" Donatello murmured, almost to himself. "His muscles are starting to react to touch, so he's not completely detached. The neurons are starting to become active..." Donnie started to wring his hands and pace. "It might take weeks, even months for all the neurons to work in sync again, but it's a good sign- a very good sign." Donatello suddenly looked up, his eyes filled with a light that April hadn't seen in them ever since they had arrived at the farmhouse. "Do you know what this means?" he said excitedly, his voice trembling.

"...no?" April said, blinking rapidly.

"He's getting _better _April," Donnie said, his breath coming out shakily. "He's-" Donatello broke off, bringing up one hand to his mouth as his eyes started glisten at the rims. "I thought that-I mean-he just-we didn't have any medical equipment and-" Donatello turned away, inhaling and exhaling deeply to calm himself. April wanted to rush up to him and hug him, to cry with joy at the news and to feel those big green arms embracing her and holding her, comforting her like they had so many other times. She wanted to stare into his brown-red eyes and get lost in their warm gaze, but the moment of his emotional guard being let down was quickly ending, and the wall was rising up again, cold and unfeeling. April felt like she was clawing at the wall, trying to push it down, but it kept on rising up and up until they were again in two separate rooms.

"I'll go tell the others," Donatello said, his voice trailing off as he pointed back, taking slow steps away before he turned and walked quickly towards the house. April watched him go, her chest clutching slightly.

"Donnie, I'm not sure what made you say all those things to me, or if any of them were true," April said quietly to herself, watching him from a distance. "But, uh, I just wanted to tell you that I know you don't understand me sometimes, and that's ok, because I don't understand you sometimes. But I'm trying to be a good friend to you and to everyone, and I'd appreciate it if you could give me a second chance." April let out a deep sigh, watching the purple clad turtle talking excitedly to his brothers.

Now if only she could _actually _say that to him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Things are slowing down a bit, so I'm getting more time to write. :) Yay! Anyways, not too much action in this chapter, just trying to level out Donnie a bit before him and April have that dreaded conversation. Character exploration is always fun, so although the chapter isn't too plot-driven, I hope you enjoy it. **

**I do not own TMNT.**

"_We can find them in the mech!"_

"_It's too slow!"_

"_You're the one who's too slow! You're leading us into disaster!"_

"_I'm doing what Splinter would want us to do!"_

_Images of Kraang droids flashed in the darkness, their unnaturally pink lasers firing at the sword-wielding figure as he twirled around with grace, slashing at them as they continued to pour out the portal and into the dark sewer tunnel._

"_Lead April and Donnie to safety. I'll hold them off!"_

"_We can't leave you too!"_

"_Just do it!"_

_His vision bounced up and down as they ran down the sewer tunnel, their breaths shallow and fast. Gray concrete and dull water surrounded him everywhere. He could still hear the sound of guns firing behind him and the yells of his brother._

"_He's not answering!"_

"_It's my fault! Man, I shouldn't have argued with Leo! Now he's gone."_

_People screamed as they ran down the streets, ducking underneath whatever shelter they could find as the perfected formula of mutagen rained down from the sky, transforming everything it touched. Buildings burned and chaos enfolded the streets of the city._

"_Not to break this up, but Leo is still out there!"_

"_What!?"_

"_Long story. Basically-" There was the crash of glass and a thud of a body hitting the floor. Pictures of Leo being slashed and beaten flashed, faster and faster as the thud of his heart grew louder and louder, booming in his ears and filling him to the brim with panic until-_

"LEO!"

Donatello's eyes flew open and he sat up with a jerk, gasping for breath. The dilute yellow walls rose up around him, encasing him in a small room filled with old floral print chairs and curtains. The brown-red sofa squeaked and sagged slightly at his movement. The Christmas tree glowed softly, taking the place of the rocking chair. His head whirling, Donnie curled his legs in towards his chest, hugging his bare knees and letting out a small whine. The kneepads that were normally there laid on the floor while he was sleeping- well, trying to sleep- along with all his other gear. In the morning he would put it all back on again.

But Leo wouldn't.

The thought made him choke up slightly, but he pushed it down. _Leo is getting better, _he told himself sternly. _So stop worrying. _But it was just one small movement, only one sign of him fighting out of his coma. Hardly enough to prove that he'd make it out ok. Only enough to prove that he was trying.

"Stupid dreams," Donnie muttered angrily to himself, a slight shake in his voice. The nightmares liked to come in bouts, giving him periods of no rest for days, before they'd disappear for a while. But in good time they came back. They always did, and with them came a fresh wave of guilt and 'what ifs'. What if he had listened to Leo? What if they had gotten out of the city faster than the Kraang could have found them? What if he hadn't insisted on using that dumb machine of his?

Well, he wasn't going to fall back asleep for a while, not with the echoes of the battle still ringing in his head. With a sigh of defeat Donatello stood up, making his way past the fireplace. Holly had been placed around the stone edges, and on his way into the entryway Donatello noticed a piece of mistletoe hanging in the archway between the two rooms. With a slight frown he took it down and went into the kitchen. Pulling a stool out of the closet, he brought it up to the counter and flicked on the small counter lights, making the kitchen dimly lit. Then the turtle stood back and paused, considering his options, but was quickly interrupted by a loud 'rrrrow!" from the freezer.

"It's just me cat!" Donnie said, hissing between his teeth and opening the freezer. The pink, white and brown cat growled lowly for a moment, then relaxed when it saw the face of the intruder. Her ears, previously folded down against her head, came back up into their natural state.

"That's right, just calm down," Donatello said quietly, reaching to stroke her head but pausing. Would it really be a good idea to stroke a cat made of ice cream? His hand hovered awkwardly over her, unsure of what to do. Quickly though, she decided for him. The cat let out a loud purr before she stretched her thin arms upwards and wrapped them around his wrist, starting to lick the palm of his hand. Her arms were cold and left traces of ice cream on his skin. Donnie shivered at her touch. "Gross," he said under his breath, then flashed the cat a smile before prying his arm out of her grasp and shutting the freezer.

"Eww," Donatello held out his arm and gave it a disgusted look. The ice cream was already starting to melt and drip down his skin. "How much weirder does it get?" Grabbing a rag out of one of the drawers, he wiped off his wrist and forearm quickly.

"Hey."

The rough, jagged voice came from behind Donnie, and he whipped around, holding up the washcloth in a threatening way on pure instinct, to find his slightly shorter but slightly older brother standing in the doorway. His gear was stripped off, leaving only skin and shell. Raphael's eyes flickered from Donnie to the washcloth in his hand.

"That's what you're gonna threaten me with?" he drawled out. "I'm terrified."

"Oh, shut up or I actually will slap you with it," Donatello said, his face turning increasingly red. Raph just let out one short scoff and shook his head, slightly smiling.

"Alright then. But, uh, I heard you yell, so you alright?" Raph asked, his slightly amused expression turning to a frown. Donnie bit his lip, letting out a deep breath.

"Uh yeah, I'm good," Donatello said, knowing that he was lying. "Did I wake you up?"

"No," Raphael replied. "No, I haven't gotten any sleep." Donatello didn't ask out loud, but he had a feeling he knew what Raph had been doing. They both took turns watching over their brother, but Raph...Raphael seemed to feel like he had to be by his side constantly. _Always the overprotective one. _"So why'd you yell?" Raphael asked. Donnie didn't miss the hint of concern tainting his voice.

"Just a dream," he answered bluntly, pulling at his fingers and running his tongue along the backs of his teeth. "Y'know." Raph's expression turned a bit softer, Donnie observed. His older brother was an open book when it came to how he was feeling. Every emotion came with a very clear expression, making him easy to read. Maybe it was due to the fact that Raphael never felt something softly; he felt deeply and strongly, like diving into a pool instead of just sliding in.

"It was about Leo," Raph stated, walking a bit closer and then sitting on the stool, his hands folded neatly in his lap.

"Maybe, maybe not," Donatello said, chewing the inside of his cheek to try and hold his own emotions at bay.

"I heard you yell, and I'm pretty sure I know what you were saying too," Raph said, raising an eyebrow skeptically. "You can tell me. You know that, right? It's not like I'm always out to get you guys." Donatello considered him for a moment, as if he were unsure, before he grabbed another stool out of the closet and set it across from Raphael, taking a seat.

"You promise you can listen?" Donatello asked questioningly.

"Hey, I'm no Leo, but I'll try," Raph said with a faint smile.

"I…" Donnie took in a breath, carefully considering his next words. "I get bad dreams. I hear things and see things from back in New York." Raph nodded, giving him a look that urged him on. Raphael's actions had always told his feelings better than words. "I hear his voice, as clear as if it's real, and I see images of the streets and the Kraang. The worst parts are the ones I imagine, because they're as clear as the things I actually saw, but…" Donatello slightly choked on his words, trailing off. Raphael leaned closer, his eyes speaking more than a thousand words could.

"You can tell me," Raph said quietly, each word layered with emotion. Donnie ran his tongue along his teeth faster.

"My mind fills in the blank between when we lost Leo...and when he came through the window," Donnie said, quickly losing his control. His hands were trembling and his face twisted in some sort of effort to stop tears. "And it's awful because it looks so real." Donatello brought his hand up to his face and pinched his eyes together, every breath shaky. "And then I wake up and I wonder 'what if?'. What if I had just shut my mouth and listened to Leo? What if the last thing I ever did was tell him that he was stupid? Man, I don't want to le-eave 'im like that. If we had gotten out so-oner like Leo wanted us to then he wouldn't be-he wouldn't-" Donatello fought back the tears, tried to keep them away and to shut off his feelings. He didn't have time to feel sorry for himself or to have regrets, he didn't want to think about any of it because that would break him, and he had to stay strong for his brothers. He had to stay strong to find a cure for the oldest, he had to keep his calm because in their condition, if one of them broke down the rest would follow. Raph watched his younger brother as he tried to claw up some sort control. Funny how when put into the same situations, the two brothers reacted so differently. Whereas Raph would have kicked something or punched something by now, Donnie was trying to destroy any evidence that he was feeling at all, trying to bury all of his emotions.

"None of this is your fault," Raphael said sternly. "Nobody knew what was going to happen. Things played out beyond any of our control."

"It doesn't matter how many times you tell me, it won't take away the guilt," Donnie suddenly snapped. Raphael hardly reacted to his harsh tone. "It's just so-I can't-" Donatello grunted angrily for lack of words and clenched his fists. Raphael studied him for a moment, as if debating his course of action.

"Punch me," Raph said, leaning forwards and staring at Donatello intensely.

"Wait-what?" Donnie said. He had been expecting something along the lines of 'I'm so sorry' or 'what can I do to help?'. Then again, this _was _Raph.

"Punch me," Raphael repeated, leaning back a little and spreading out his arms to make himself wide open for attack. "Come'on." Tentatively, Donatello curled his hand into a fist and punched - well, it was more like he _tapped _\- Raph's shoulder.

"Is that it?" Raphael said, and then in one quick motion he had flown off his chair and given Donatello's bare cheek a hard crack with his fist. Donnie yelped and fell back off the stool onto the floor.

"What the duck?!" Donnie shouted, slamming his fist down on Raph's toes from his position on the floor. Raph shouted and danced away from Donatello's reach as the lanky turtle scrambled to his feet and came flying at his older brother. Donnie ducked a punch to his head and then kneed Raph in the stomach, hearing a slight pop from his kneecap. Raph let out a small huff of air from the motion, and stumbled backwards into a cabinet, unplugging and knocking over the toaster. Donnie shot over to him and gave him a swift uppercut on his chin, but Raph grabbed his hand as it drew back and slammed it down on the counter forcefully. Without missing a beat Raph used his other hand to deliver a quick slam to Donatello's inner elbow. Donnie's entire arm gave way and he let out a small cry of pain, but then he leaned back and slammed his forehead against Raph's. They both cried out in sync, and Raph let go of Donnie's arm, backing up and putting one hand on his head. For a split second they took the time to recover, but then they were back at each other's necks. Donnie grabbed a spatula off the counter and Raph snatched up a wooden spoon before they were locked in battle. Donnie swung the spatula at Raph's face, but the turtle leaned back just in time to watch it skim past him. Raph took the wooden spoon and slammed it down on Donatello's head so that it made a slight 'thunk', but Donnie retaliated by leaning back against the counter and sweeping at Raph's legs. He fell down with a slight 'oomph', and before the older brother could get back up Donatello gave him a hard kick to the stomach. Raphael groaned and rolled over, holding his abdomen.

"What the heck...just happened?" Donnie panted, glaring at Raph on the floor.

"I think you just made me lose my supper, that's what just happened," Raphael moaned, but he ended with a slight chuckle.

"Why the crap did you attack me?!" Donatello asked, lowering his spatula and frowning. Raphael sat up, slightly flinching, before he turned his eyes up at Donnie with a questioning look.

"You feel better now?" Raph asked, holding out his hand in a silent request for help getting up. Donatello hesitated a moment before he took his older brother's hand and pulled him to his feet.

"Why would I feel better?" Donatello asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Do you?" Raph asked again, leaning slightly on the stovetop and holding his side with the other hand.

"...Surprisingly, yes," Donatello said, confusion written all over his face.

"You looked frustrated. And upset. So I figured you just needed to punch something," Raph grunted, slightly smirking. "And it's more fun when you punch something that fights back, trust me."

"So this is how you deal with stress," Donatello stated, rubbing his head. "It's strangely…effective."

"Hey, if I'm upset or angry or confused, I just punch stuff," Raph said. "Works most of the time for me. Takes your mind off everything and gets rid of tension. That whole meditation and taking deep breaths stuff never really worked for me."

"Thanks," Donnie said, flashing his gap-tooth smile. "You're pretty mean with a wood spoon, _Raphie._"

"Well you've got a pretty painful headbutt, you dork," Raph snorted teasingly, pushing Donnie good-naturedly. Donnie pushed him back and they had a little push-war for a bit before Raph cuffed Donnie's head and the two of them laughed lightly until Donatello broke out into a yawn.

"Aww gosh, I'm sacked," Donnie said, suddenly realizing how tired he was. "I'm heading back to the couch."

"Your turn on the couch tonight, huh?" Raph said. "I might hang around for a bit. I'm not really tired. You don't mind the TV being on if I keep the volume down, right?" Although he seemed nonchalant, Donnie recognized the concern in his voice.

"Ok, cool," Donatello said. "I don't mind." Raph nodded, grabbing a bag of chips out of one of the cupboards before the two of them went into the living room. Donatello grabbed his blanket off the floor. It was red and it had little white patterns knitted in. Raph fell down at the left end of the couch, setting his bag of chips on the end table and flicking on the TV. It filled the room with a dim fluorescent glow. The younger turtle threw his pillow back on the right end of the sofa and then made his way onto the couch, lying with his back facing the TV and his face close to the back of the sofa.

"Get your feet off my lap," Raph grunted, pushing at Donatello's feet.

"I don't have anywhere else to put them, so deal with it," Donnie mumbled, already feeling half asleep. Raph rolled his eyes but didn't protest any further, flicking through the limited amount of channels until he landed on a ridiculous cartoon that seemed an awful lot like Ghostbusters but it involved a big clumsy dog, whom the show was named after, but hardly seemed to do much other than provide comedic relief.

"Ok, but Donnie, seriously? 'What the duck?'," Raph suddenly said, giving his younger brother a questioning look. "That just sounds stupid." Donnie frowned in confusion for a moment until he remembered his sudden exclamation when Raph had attacked him.

"Hey, you're the one who gave me a swearing complex, so it's your fault," Donnie drawled out. "I'm _trying _to use language that's a little more appropriate, thank you very much. You're just lucky Mikey hasn't picked up on any of those words yet."

"I'm sure he's heard em' before, he just hasn't used them," Raph mumbled.

"You my friend, have a condition," Donnie said drowsily. "You really shouldn't use such colorful language all the time. It's gotten worse since we left the city."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Raph grunted, leaning against the arm of the chair.

"...I miss Leo," Donnie murmured into the pillow, his eyes closed. "I just wanna tell im' he was right and we should have left the city, and I'm sorry that I was such a you-know-what. You know what I'm sayin'?"

"You're half asleep Donnie," Raph said with a one-syllable laugh. "Just get some rest. But yeah, I miss Leo too. He's getting better though."

"Mmm," Donatello snuggled into his pillow. "Yeah. And it's Christmas. Things have to turn around, right?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Yay, another update! I've been working on this for about three to four days now, and I'm sooo happy I finally got through it! Now we can get to the good stuff! (evil laugh) And what the heck, since I just feel like it, I'm gonna give a shout out to all my lovely followers: **

**Ami-chan96, BAM3510, BICCHI-KUN, Charlotte 'Charlie' Hartley, Curious Rebel, DarkWolf133, DragonicSonic, Firebird Scratches, HarTay2022, Hitomi No Azure, Insanity21, LittleFish, LonleyDusk, Melitalo13, Moemoea, MonsterKitty1220, Moore98Luke, Mystearica 'Primal' Fende, Nami Swann, NeoMars, PorkchopUno, ShellheadTurtle, Starsinger04, TheSapphireGuardian, Tori657, asdasdsdfsdf (lol, how do you even say that?), bookworm563, crystalbladedragon, furdonkadonk, i-tried-but-the-fandom-won, miceaholic, natalie1668, phoebe. gimenez .7, starscream36, xxx. KawaiiMonkey .xxx, and yukio87! **

**Thank you all so very much for choosing to follow my story, it means the world to me! :) ****A****nyways I hope you enjoy this chapter, and as always, please read and review! :3**

**I do not own TMNT.**

"Good morning April!"

Mikey's cheery voice reached April's ears as she rubbed her bleary eyes and trudged into the kitchen. The yellow paint on the walls was chipped and cracked and the stove looked like it was about ready to die, but the red-headed girl felt a surge of affection for the old house. It was falling apart at the seams, but nonetheless it was theirs and it was safe. _Safe. _The word resonated in her mind and she took hold of it, clutching on to it and trying to preserve the feeling. But who was she kidding? They were never safe, not in their crazy life of mutants, evil ninjutsu clans and alien invasions. They had survived this far in peace on pure luck, or fate, or something like that. It was only a matter of time before things would creep out of their shadowy holes again and they would be fighting for their lives. _How on earth have we survived against the odds this long? _April pondered.

"You are sooooo zoned out," Mikey said, and April snapped back out of her thoughts to find the orange masked turtles face uncomfortably close to hers, close enough that she could taste his morning breath in the air. Mikey suddenly bounced back, a bright smile on his face. "Oh, not anymore," he chirped. "Good, cause' there's something you _have _to see."

"Oh, really?" April asked something curiously. "What is it?"

"Follow me and you'll see, it's right in the living room," Mikey said before he beckoned her to follow him. April paused a moment, wondering if she'd regret following him later, but she shrugged off the feeling and strode after him. She passed through the doorway, across the entry hall and into the living room, where Michelangelo was tiptoeing over the the sofa.

"Look," Mikey mouthed, pointing downwards. Cautiously, April walked over softly, poking her head around the side of the couch, and nearly burst out laughing. A maskless Raphael was asleep at the end of the couch, his elbow propped up against the arm of the chair and his cheek in his hand. Donatello was stretched out to his full length, one foot on Raph's lap and the other one just barely touching his older brother's face.

"How on earth…?" April asked, covering her mouth to hold back a giggle.

"It's seven o'clock, and you know what that means," Michelangelo said with a devious grin. "They're oversleeping." April shared glances with him and read his intention straight off.

"Oh no," she said, still smiling. "You wouldn't."

"Oh yes! I've been waitin' for this!" Mikey whisper-yelled, pumping his fists. "Wake up call Mikey-style!" He dashed out of the room silently, and April just shook her head. As much as she would have loved to see this, she didn't want to be in there when Raph was woken up. Knowing Mikey, one or both of them were going to end up injured. She grabbed a ponytail holder off the table and pulled her hair into a loose ponytail. It wasn't her usual, brushed to perfection ponytail, but she wasn't feeling it today. She wanted to just be loose and casual. Walking into the kitchen, April surveyed her _wide _selection of cereal; corn flakes or wheaties.

"Wow, what a choice," April mumbled sarcastically to herself. But what did she expect? The only grocery store within driving distance was an hour and a half's drive and was about the size of a bakery shop. Grabbing the box of wheaties, she took out a ceramic bowl (with several chips in it) and poured herself breakfast. As she was sitting down, she heard a slight squeak of the front door and glanced up to see Mikey whisking into the living room, his arms full of snow.

"Five, four, three, two, one…" April mumbled around her mouthful of food. There was a sudden earsplitting scream and the sound of several items of furniture toppling over, followed by another alarmed yell and rapid cursing. Mikey darted into the kitchen, ducking behind the table and laughing.

"What the 'ell?!" Raph stormed into the room like a dark cloud, his face twisted in a frown and his eyes murderous.

"Good morning Raph!" Mikey piped, poking his head up from behind the table. "Guess who overslept?" Raph growled, glaring at his younger brother, and then Donnie slipped in, a blanket still wrapped around his shoulders, although now it was becoming increasingly more wet.

"Thanks a lot Mikey!" Donatello whined miserably. "You could have just shook us awake!"

"It wouldn't have been as funny," Mikey replied with a devious smirk. "You should have seen your faces! You jumped up like jackrabbits!"

"That's it!" Raph yelled charging across the room and bodyslamming into the younger turtle. The two of them tumbled into the next room over, followed by the sound of a tussle. April glanced over at Donnie, who had abandoned his wet blanket and was grabbing a bowl out of the cupboard, and suddenly noticed the two blueish black marks on his head.

"Donnie!" April suddenly cried, dropping her spoon so that it splashed up milk onto the table. "Your head!" Donnie looked up with a start. Before she could think about it, remember the wall that existed between them, April had came over and jerked out his arm. "Your elbow!" she cried out, finding a similar bruise there as well. "Donnie, what happened?"

"It's fine," Donnie stuttered, pulling back his arm and holding it close to his chest.

"Did you get hurt anywhere else? Should I get the first aid kit?" April asked frantically.

"No, it's fine," Donnie said, blinking rapidly and staring at her. "It's, uh, I mean, I was just doing some training stuff last night with Raph…"

"But you got hurt Donnie! It's not fine!" April said, waving her hands around as she talked. "You can't be so careless! What if you had gotten yourself hurt worse?"

"Don't worry about me," Donnie said. His voice was surprisingly soft, and had a sort of sad tone to it. Before she could respond he had drifted away and Raph and Mikey had returned, neither one injured severely, but the latter rubbing his head slightly.

"We'll need to go to the store today," Mikey announced, sitting down at the table. "So someone better wake up Casey."

"Are we running low on food?" April asked, furrowing her eyebrows. She hadn't noticed a lack of food recently, but maybe she just wasn't paying attention.

"Nope," Mikey said, popping his lips. "Christmas stuff. Food, presents, the whole deal."

"Do we have to?" Raph groaned. "I've already worked my tail off putting up those dorky decorations. I vote we call it good." Mikey rolled his baby blue eyes skyward and sighed.

"Raaaaaph," he drawled out with a pout. "Don't be such a spoilsport. It's Christmas!"

"Mikey's right," April chimed in as she put her dirty bowl into the sink. "We could all use some cheer around here. I'll go wake up Casey." She flashed the boys a smile before she headed upstairs. The three were silent until they heard the click of her going into another room and shutting the door behind her.

"Are you gonna talk to her or what?" Mikey asked, turning to Donnie. The purple-clad turtle's eyes shot downwards and he bit his tongue.

"Soon," he promised, but his voice was uncertain. "Soon."

. . . . .

Raphael tossed the piece of wood in his hand lightly, turning it over and running his eyes along it. Then with a careful, quick stroke, he peeled off a layer of the bark with a pocketknife. He took a moment to assess the wood again before he carved away another bit with a flick of his knife. The wood shavings fell down onto the snow covered wooden deck, and Raphael paused to pull up his scarf a bit. It was moments like these, where he was alone and it was quiet, that he was able to hear himself clearly. Master Splinter had always spoken of an inner voice, something inside all of them that held their desires, their fears and everything true about themselves. Traditionally, hearing it required deep meditation, but Raph had never had the patience for that. Instead, he had found it in quiet times while he worked on something like this piece of wood; something that didn't require a lot of action, but still concentration. Right now it sort of drifted in and out of his thoughts lazily.

_Hope. _The word filled him up from the inside and resonated in his chest until it suddenly drew back and faded out. It left him with a bitter aftertaste. _What good has hope done any of us so far? _he thought angrily, drawing the knife across the wood a little bit faster and harder.

_Hope. _The word just came back again, and no matter how much he denied it, no matter how bitter the aftertaste, he relished the feeling of the word and prayed that it was right, that there was hope for all of them. He slowed down his strokes of the knife and went back to carving the wood carefully. Today was one of the warmer days, and sitting out on the porch was tolerable in the weather. It was just him at the house, as everyone else had left on Mikey's christmas-shopping escapade. Raphael smiled at the thought. Who needed to go shopping for presents? No, he had everything he needed here. After carefully positioning the knife on the piece of wood, he started to carve into it in tiny strokes, creating faint swirls in the wood. Once he was satisfied, he took a piece of sandpaper out and began to smooth the wood. Just as he was finishing with the lowest grit of paper, he heard a rumbling noise and the yellow van rolled around the corner, in all it's flowery glory. What was it Mr.O'Neil had called it? A party wagon. Just from his basic knowledge of hippies, Raph was sure he didn't want to know what kind of partying had happened in that van. Subtly, the red-masked turtle tucked away his knife and the small piece of wood.

"Raphiiiie!" The second the van came to a halt, Mikey came flying out in pure elation, his baby blue eyes wide and his footsteps light as a feather. Raphael opened his mouth to protest against that insanely stupid nickname, but changed his mind last minute. Clearly this was one fight he wasn't going to win.

"It was so great they had so much stuff and it was super cheap and LOOK-" Mikey took in a quick breath before he pulled a red sucker out of his belt. "THEY GAVE US FREE CANDY! I think it's cherry!" Gleefully, the young turtle unwrapped the sucker and put it in his mouth, contemplating for a moment. "Nope, it's watermelon," he corrected himself, attempting to talk around the food in his mouth. "Now come'on, come'on, you have to see all the food!" Mikey grabbed Raph's arm and tugged on it impatiently.

"Are you sure you should be eating sugar?" Raph deadpanned.

"Come see come see, pleeeease pretty please?" Mikey whined tugging harder at Raph's arm.

"Sometimes I doubt you're seventeen years old," Raph muttered under his breath, finally giving in and letting his younger brother drag him over to the van. Mikey looked like he might burst with excitement, the way he was bouncing on his feet and making high pitched squeaks, a grin from ear to ear covering his face.

"Look, we got so much food!" Mikey said, opening the back of the van. Raph's eyes widened a bit as he took it in. There weren't grocery bags full of food, there were _boxes _of food, probably at least six of them.

"I thought we were saving the money," Raph commented as Michelangelo hopped into the van.

"The store was having this huge closing sale! Everything was _dirt cheap_ dude!" Mikey smiled. "And the best part is that there's this other grocery store opening up that's closer to the farmhouse, so it'll be a shorter drive! Pretty awesome, right?" Raphael nodded and sort of half-smiled in approval.

"Looklooklook!" Mikey said, pulling a large turkey out of one of the boxes. "We got a freakin' turkey! We've never had turkey! And then there's this stuff April calls stuffing, and at first I was thinking of the cotton type of stuffing in stuffed animals, but it's actually a food and she says it's really good! We're gonna eat real food man!" Mikey suddenly gasped as he reached into another box. "Ohmygosh look!" The turtle pulled out a box of cookies with a huge grin. "Cookies!"

"I think we'd better save those for later," Raph said, raising an eyebrow. "You seem to have already had your fair share of sugar."

"Look at this! Pie crusts!" Mikey practically squealed, "We're gonna have pie too!" Mikey suddenly smiled even more broadly. "Spray cheese!" he chanted, pulling out the cans. "Score!"

"Come'on knucklehead," Raph said, rolling his eyes and grabbing Mikey's wrist. "Let's leave before you start eating any of this."

"No! The spray cheese!" Mikey wailed as his older brother dragged him away. "I've never had spray cheese before! Come'on, you gotta let me try a little! Please Raphie?" Raph didn't comment as he continued to drag him away, an annoyed look on his face. Mikey went limp with defeat and his heels dragged, creating marks in the snow. "...never let me do anything," Mikey grumbled.

"Hey Raph," April came out of the van with a slight flair and a whisk of her auburn hair, her cheeks red from the cold. "Everything hold up alright at the fort?"

"Other than him nearly eating a can of spray cheese just now, yeah," Raph said, motioning at his younger brother with a jerk of his head. Mikey stuck out his tongue as Raph forcefully pushed him onto one of the chairs on the porch. April let out a good-humored laugh as the scene played out in front of her.

"You guys are so cute when you fight," April said with a grin. "It makes me wish I had a sister or a brother." Raph rolled his eyes and scoffed, but Mikey's pouting face turned to a grin.

"We're not _cute_," Raph countered, and at the same time Mikey chimed out, "You got _us_ April!" The orange-clad turtle smiled broadly. "We're like family, only better!"

"And why is that Mikey?" April asked, ignoring Raphael and pulling the sleeves of her jacket down to cover her wrists in the frigid air.

"I figure we're better because you got to choose us. If you had _real _siblings, you'd get stuck with whoever happened to come out of the same momma," Mikey laughed, his eyes sparkling. "Like how I got stuck with Raph."

"And how I somehow got stuck with you," Raphael teased, lightly punching his younger brothers shoulder. "Sometimes I wonder if we're actually related."

"Don't say that, of _course _we are!" Mikey whined, hugging Raph's arm. "We came from the same pet shop; good enough for me." Raph pried Mikey's hands off his arms and gave him a sharp slap over the head before he came over to the van. At the same time, a black-haired, gap-toothed boy was hopping out. The two of them fistbumped and shared boyish grins.

"Looks like you've piled up quite a feast," Raph said.

"Totally," Casey agreed with a cocky smile. "We're gonna be eating reeeal good for the next couple weeks."

"You figured out what you're getting for the girl yet?" Raph asked skeptically, his voice lowering a few tones. Casey smiled sheepishly.

"Uh...no?" he laughed nervously, wringing his hands.

"You need to get your act together man," Raph said, shaking his head.

"Have you figured out what you're getting her?" Casey quickly countered angrily.

"Course I have," Raph scoffed, cuffing Casey over the head. "You think I'm some sorta hypocrite or somethin'? Come'on big-shot, let's just unload the car for now and I'll help you out later." The two of them then promptly headed to the back van doors. Raph jumped in and grabbed the box closest to the exit with relative ease, passing it down to Casey, who stumbled as soon as the full weight of the crate was in his hands.

"Dang, that's heavy," Casey grunted, trying to brace the box against his chest as he waddled over to the house ungracefully. Raph lifted another box off the van floor, almost tossing it into the air and half-catching it before he hopped out of the van. Casey glared back at him.

"Show off," Casey grunted, shouldering the crate in his arms.

"I've been training my entire life to be a martial artist Casey," Raph drawled out. "I'd be seriously concerned if I wasn't stronger than you." Raphael paused as something caught his eye. His tall, lean, purple masked brother was carrying a box of food in, but his steps were slow and out of the corners of his eyes he was watching April, who had tried to lift up one of the crates but eventually given up, settling on helping Mikey instead, if only to feel useful. Raphael frowned and slowed his pace until it was even with Donnie's.

"Seriously Donnie?" Raph said, causing Donatello to jump with surprise and nearly drop his box. Donatello quickly recomposed himself.

"Don't sneak up on me like that," Donnie mumbled half-heartedly, poking a loaf of bread so that it tipped back into the box.

"Talk to her already," Raphael insisted, his eyes shooting daggers at his brother.

"But what if she hates me?" Donnie whined, his red-brown eyes fearful. "I said the worst things and I still can hardly believe that those were my own words coming out."

"You know what?" Raph said, clearly fed up. "I don't think she gives a shiz. Have you been paying attention at all? Have you seen how many times she's been glancing at you for the past week?" Donnie blinked and opened his mouth, but no words came out. "I didn't think so," Raph huffed. "I swear, if you don't talk to her tonight, I will beat the marshmallow's out of you for being such an idiot!"

"Knowing you, I don't doubt you will," Donnie sighed, biting his lip. "Fine. Tonight. I'll do it tonight. Are you happy now?"

"No," Raph deadpanned. "I'll be happy when you talk to her."


	12. Chapter 12

**It has been three whole months and I am _ashamed. _I got stuck in the middle of this chapter and no matter how many times I tried it wouldn't come out right...so then I left it alone and forgot about it. I would like to apologize to everyone for the extreme, extreme delay of this chapter. Lucky for you, summer is right around the corner and I'll have a lot more time for writing. My goal is to finish this by the end of the summer. (crossed fingers) So please, forgive me and bear with me. **

**Anyways, after getting through this hurdle (trust me this took many many tries to come out with a result I was happy with) things should go smoother from now on. Please read and review, although it's been so long. :)**

**I do not own TMNT.**

He glanced at the clock. It blinked _11:27_ in bold, red fluorescent numbers. The numbers glowed in the dark room and the pit in Donatello's stomach grew deeper. He had told Raph he would talk to her tonight, but the night was creeping past and every second he was becoming more and more panicked, his head starting to feel dizzy and his throat tightening. He hadn't gotten a second of rest since this afternoon. He had laid in bed for approximately five minutes before he couldn't take it anymore, and since about 9:30 he had been pacing in his room and occasionally hitting his head against the wall in frustration. He had however been careful not to be too loud, as his orange-masked younger brother was sleeping on the top bunk of the bunk bed. Why April's home had a bunk bed Donatello had never figured out, but it made things far more convenient for them.

_11:28. _Donnie bit his lip and stared out the window, wondering how much more he could take the stress building up in himself. It made him clench his fists in and out. He wanted to scream and run and just exhaust himself to the point where he would collapse and there would be nothing but the adrenaline and the pain on his mind. The logical side of himself protested, saying that it would only help matters for a little while.

_11:29_. Donnie pulled at his fingers and ran his tongue along his teeth.

_11:30. _Donnie bowed his head,and muttered a few encouraging words to himself. This was going to be hard.

_11:31. _Donatello grabbed his mask, tying it around his eyes and taking a deep breath before he crept out the door into the hall.

The house was silent now at this time of night, which felt strange. He was used to a schedule where they were up and out until one o'clock in the morning, fighting mutants and, as it seemed, being the sole protectors of the city. He took slow, careful steps, his hand lightly skimming along the railing. Just below him was a cutaway to the first floor, where he could see the entryway. A few of the dimmer lamps were turned on, just so that the house wasn't pitch black. A left turn, past the bathroom, then a right and suddenly he was in front of the master bedroom door. Everyone had come to the agreement that April could have that room to herself, mostly because none of the boys wanted the awkward encounter of sleeping in the same room as her. The door was like it always was, and yet different now that Donnie knew what was going to happen when he went into that room. The door was somehow taller and almost frightening.

_What are you thinking? _Donatello chided himself. _It's just a door, like any other door. It's never been frightening and it never will. It's not going to jump out and grab you, it is an inanimate object and is physically incapable of movement. _The door still looked menacing.

He reached for the doorknob, then drew his hand back towards his stomach as his breath hitched and went into panic mode, his breaths making a fast-paced in-out in-out pattern that was loud in the silence of the hall. _I can't, I can't, I can't-_

_You __**will.**_

The thought came to him unbidden and uninvited, catching him by surprise. That was not his thought, he hadn't brought it forth and he hadn't wanted to think it. But yet at the same time it was his thought and it was his voice saying it. Wherever it had came from, it was right. He had to. This was not a choice. But this time instead of reaching for the doorknob, he moved his hand above it, positioning his knuckles on the wood before he gave one sharp knock. A sudden burst of dizziness slammed into him, but quickly faded. He hadn't even known he could get this nervous.

"Mmmm, who is it?" April's drawling, half-asleep voice came from inside, and he saw a dim light flicker on and leak through the crack under the door.

"...me," Donnie's voice came out like a child's, squeaky and terror-filled. He mentally slapped himself. What a way to start, sounding like a seven-year-old who's about to be punished. _Come'on, get a grip, _he told himself.

"Oh." That was all she said. Oh. What the heck did that mean?! This was going simply _swimmingly._

"Can, I uh, talk with you?" Donnie asked. His entire body was tense and he could feel sweat gathering on his palms even though it was cold. Donatello quickly went over his words, wondering if he should have said 'talk to you' instead of 'with you'. Would he have come off more bold? More certain? This was exactly what he hated about talking to her; every time he said anything he had to pick it apart in his head and worry over if he had said the right thing.

"...sure," she replied, her own voice a bit shaky. Donatello could hear the hesitation in it and wondered if it was because she didn't want to talk to him or if she was scared of talking to him. Either way, it filled him up to the brim with guilt. Then the door opened and before him stood a slim, pale-skinned girl with auburn hair and blue eyes, wearing deep forest-green pajamas that were two sizes too big and her hair for once not in a ponytail, instead just draped down across her shoulders, still wet from a shower. _Even when she's a mess she looks beautiful,_ Donatello thought with a start of surprise. _How can she even do that?_

"Sorry, I, um, wasn't really ready for you," April said, her cheeks turning a rose-blush colour. She glanced around the room. "Let me see if I can find a ponytail holder-"

"No," Donnie burst out. April paused to look at him quizzically, and the turtle straightened out, clearing his throat. "Ah, no, you look...you look fine," Donnie said. He thought he might have seen a hint of smile of her face, but it was gone before he could truly discern it.

"Do you want to come in?" April asked.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Donnie replied, trying to match her even tone. She moved out of the way and he came into the room, glancing around. The king size bed took up the majority of the room, and a lamp table was on either side of of it. A small rocking chair was in the corner and a dresser was on the opposite side. The pale yellow walls and brown carpet gave it a warm feel. Donatello placed himself in the rocking chair, taking deep breaths, his thoughts running through his head like spiders weaving webs. The pretty eighteen year old girl sat across from him on the bed, brushing her bangs out of her face. She looked equally as nerve-wracked as him.

"I just came here to apologize," Donnie said matter-of-factly. "For what I said to you a few days ago. My emotions overcame me and for that I'm sorry."

"It's ok," April stated, lifting up her chin somewhat boldly. The air between them was cold. "I'm glad to hear that you were speaking from distress and not because it was how you really felt." Donnie's gut wrenched. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen, not at all. They weren't really apologizing, it was formalities that they were going through, and when he left nothing would have changed. The tension would still have both of them in a stranglehold, but he was afraid to make the first move towards breaking it.

"I guess if that's all, I'll be leaving…" Donatello trailed off, standing up.

"I guess you will," April said, and she sounded somewhat indignant. _Does she think I'm lying to her?_

"...I am sorry you know. I wasn't lying," Donnie replied cautiously.

"And why would I think you were?" April replied with a painfully false smile. "Thank you for apologizing." Donnie narrowed his eyes a bit in confusion, biting his lip.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked tentatively, unsure of why the girl was being so obviously false about forgiving him.

"Is there something wrong? Well of course no-" April's fake cheer suddenly dropped and was replaced by an expression that made the purple-clad turtle want to take a step or two away from her. "Yes, there is something wrong. There's a lot wrong Donnie," she said angrily, not even trying to fake smiles anymore. "I'm not mad about your outburst earlier-" Donnie started to protest, but the red-head lifted up a hand to stop him. "-no, no, now I realize that you were just looking for something to lash out at. What I'm angry about is that you are tearing yourself up, and you won't tell me why. You don't eat, you don't sleep, you're always in your lab unless we drag you out, and you've been short-fused. That's what I wanted to ask you before you drove me off in your burst of anger."

"I'm fine April," Donnie protested, but as the words came out his voice wavered. "Really."

"You're a horrible liar," April stated unforgivingly, crossing her arms and shooting daggers at him with her eyes. Donnie sighed. This wasn't really heading in the direction he had hoped it would. He didn't want to talk about this...not now, and certainly not with her.

"Look April…" Donnie brought his hand up behind his neck and stared at the ceiling. "I'll figure it out. Just...I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything I said, really…"

"Stop changing the subject!" April groaned in frustration. "I want to know why you're so upset!"

"April please," Donatello said, shaking his head. "Not now."

"When then Donnie?" April asked, surprising Donnie by grabbing his hand. "When will you just _trust_ me? You don't have to…" April trailed off, staring at his hand and biting her lip. "You don't have to close yourself off so much."

"Look, I'm the smart one. I fix things. The only reason we haven't all crashed and burned is because they think I can fix this too," Donatello said, not meeting her gaze. "But I can't."

"Of course you can-" April began, but was quickly cut off.

"How am I supposed to? I've tried everything I can, but we're in the middle of nowhere and I don't even know why he won't wake up," Donatello shouted suddenly, tearing his hand out of her grasp. "I can't do anything for him! I'm _useless!_ If I hadn't insisted on using my stupid robot, if I had just listened to him sooner-" Donatello drew his hand in towards his chest, squeezing his eyes shut. "-then he'd be okay." April looked at him, her gaze turning soft.

"You can't blame yourself. Things happen...that we can't control," April said.

"I'm scared that he's going to die," Donatello said in a cracked voice. "We can't take that loss. I can't. How could I live with myself?"

"It's okay to be scared sometimes," April replied, thinking for a moment. "But you can't let that fear control you. Just like tonight. I know you were afraid to come talk to me...but you did anyways. Splinter taught me that. Donnie, this isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself."

"...but I do," Donnie shook his head and let out a sharp laugh that turned into a sob. "I can't just talk away my guilt."

"Donnie…" April stared at him for a moment more, then suddenly got up off the bed and wrapped her arms around his bulky shell, holding the lanky turtle's body close to her and resting her chin on his shoulder. He was tense for a split second but then he gave in and collapsed into the embrace, shaking slightly with silent tears. His own arms moved to wrap around her and he closed his eyes, his gesture of affection more for his own benefit than anything else. For a good time he just let himself be weak and she held him in a way that comforted him the way words never could.

"You are my best friend Donnie," April said, squeezing her eyes shut. "No matter what else happens, between us, between Casey, that will not change. Don't forget that." Donnie exhaled through his mouth in a sort of sigh.

"Hey April?" he said, his voice coarse, but the salty tears had ceased.

"Yeah?" she asked, still resting her chin on his shoulder and closing her eyes.

"Does this mean that you forgive me for what I said earlier in the bathroom?" Donnie murmured, beginning to feel tired. April laughed, holding him tighter and smiling.

"Of course you dork," she replied. "All you had to do was ask."


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey everyone! So I'm super embarrassed that this took so long, but what else is new? Anyways, I finally got around to a mostly Mikey-centered chapter where all this screwed up stuff is finally catching up to him and affecting him. Anyways, I'm planning on 2-4 more chapters before the ending, and I'm shooting for finishing it before the end of September. Not the most ambitious goal, but it will keep me thinking and writing. The last chapter will be on Christmas Day (of course) and I've got a few things planned inbetween involving gift-making and a bit more of Casey I think. Hope you guys enjoy this long overdue chapter!**

**I do not own TMNT.**

The next morning, Donatello blearily stumbled downstairs for breakfast. The smells wafting up the stairs were making him drool. Mikey was obviously putting the food they had bought yesterday to good use. He could pick out the distinctively heavy and greasy smell of bacon frying on the pan, as well as the bread-like scent of pancakes. Man, he was hungry. Maybe there'd be some whipped cream he could use if he was lucky-

The moment Donnie stepped into the hallway, he found himself engulfed in a chaotic scramble. Mikey dashed by, his face covered in flour and hollering that he couldn't find the egg carton. April yelled something about a timer going off from the kitchen, and Casey carefully picked his way towards the dining room, his arms full of very breakable ceramic plates. Raphael was close behind him, with one hand balancing a stack of cups and the other clutching onto a handful of silverware. Donnie just stopped and blinked, trying to understand what was happening in his half-asleep mind.

"Hey, you talked to her, right?" Raphael asked as he passed by, narrowing his eyes.

"Yeah…" Donnie blinked again, yawning. "You guys sure are going crazy with breakfast this morning, huh?"

"AH! My muffins are burning!" Mikey dashed past them and into the kitchen. There was a clatter and then another shout from the orange-masked terrapin. "CASEY! DON'T DROP THAT!"

"How long has he been at this?" Donatello questioned, staring in amazement at the kitchen.

"Oh, three to four hours," Raph shrugged. "He really wanted to make breakfast quote-unquote, 'special'." The second oldest rolled his eyes.

"Well, you know Mikey," Donnie huffed with a slight smile. April suddenly came into the hall, holding a tray stacked high with pancakes. Her orange ponytail was mussed up and her cheeks were flushed from the heat of the kitchen. Her eyes lit up as they rested on Donatello.

"Hey! You slept in," she said in a playfully scolding way. "We've been working our butts off while you've been sleeping." Donnie laughed along with her, a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks.

"I guess you got me," he grinned, the gap in his teeth showing. Now he was really starting to blush. "Uh, I'll take that out into the dining room for you if you'd like."

"Really? That'd be great!" April handed the tray over to Donnie with a bright smile. "Thanks Donnie."

"Yeah, no problem," Donatello said. Raphael raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two of them and smirking slightly as April turned around and whisked back into the kitchen.

"Man, what happened last night?" Raphael snorted with a grin. "You must've done something right, that's for sure."

"RAPH! I CAN HEAR YOU PROCRASTINATING OUT THERE! SET THE TABLE!" Mikey screamed from in the kitchen.

"Yeah yeah, I'm goin'," Raph huffed, looking annoyed. "He turns into a hawk when he's cooking." Donnie nodded in agreement, and another scream of "HURRY UP!" from Mikey's end got them both scurrying to the dining room. Donatello passed under the archway to find Casey smirking and surveying his work proudly. There was an old tablecloth spread out over the table, wrinkly and dusty but pretty nonetheless, and five delicate ceramic plates placed at the table.

"Hah. And April said I'd break something for sure," Casey boasted. "Not a single chip in any of the plates. You see that Raph? In all of your faces!"

"It's sort of sad that you consider that an accomplishment," Raphael jibed. Casey just stuck out his tongue at the two of them, marching out of the room with his usual swagger-filled gait. Donnie placed the tray of pancakes right in the center of the table, on the little crest of flowers on the tablecloth. His heart was fluttering with excitement. Things were starting to seem normal again and it made him want to grin like an idiot.

April came into the dining room with an entire plate piled with bacon, and then Casey came parading back in with a basket of almost-burned-but-just-a-little-crispy blueberry muffins. Sunlight was just starting to flood in through the windows, and it lit up the table like it was some sort of heaven-sent feast.

Gee, this really was starting to feel like Christmas.

Before long the whole table was set and Mikey had emerged from the kitchen, sticky and sweating but grinning like an idiot.

"Okay, okay, everyone sit down now," he ushered them all to the table, nearly exploding like a firework he was so wound up. Donnie grabbed the nearest chair, taking a seat, and then April across from him next to Casey, and the thing was, he didn't even feel _jealous _because it was just too good of a morning for jealousy. Raph came in, late as usual, and slid into the seat next to Donnie. Mikey had chosen the spot at the head of the table and he was literally bouncing up and down on his chair. There was a pause, a moment of uncertainty. Everything was laid out, but nobody wanted to be the first to reach for it.

"Itadakimasu," Raph said in the most serious tone he could muster, giving Mikey a short bow with his fist against the palm of his other hand.

"Itadakimasu, Mikey," Donnie repeated, also bowing. Mikey was practically glowing now, his face in pure ecstasy.

"Eetadackymas?" April threw him a nervous smile and bowed as well. Her pronunciation was alright, but the Japanese word was a bit slaughtered in her accent.

"Ate a ducky miss," Casey bowed, grinning. April turned to glare, but Mikey burst out laughing.

"Let's eat!" he proclaimed, holding up a butterknife. The entire table burst into excited chatter as the food was passed around, and pretty soon Donnie found himself glowing too. In fact, everything in the room seemed a little brighter all of a sudden, and he soaked up the feeling to let it rest in his mind. For just a moment, everything was _perfect. _

. . . . .

Mikey hummed to himself as he stacked dishes and cup one on top of the other. He was still glowing from breakfast, when his brothers had _formally _thanked him for the meal, in Japanese and everything. Seeing the way everyone had come together just made him want to dance around and shout until he collapsed in a heap of laughter.

"Hey! Has anyone seen my phone?" Raph shouted from upstairs. A chorus of no's followed. "Dumb thing. I swear I left it right here…" Raph continued to mumble.

Mikey dumped the dishes into the sink, silently vowing that he _would _clean them later. He would. Then he slipped past the paper sliding door back into the dining room and began to pile leftovers into plastic tupperware containers. Everyone had stuffed themselves with no regrets, but Mikey had been a bit paranoid about running out of food.

Okay, he had been _really _paranoid. He had made at least thirty muffins alone. Nobody had taken more than three, so there was an entire stack still on the table. And that was just the muffins. A slight sense of dismay hung over him. Where was going to put all this food? Just then, sudden brilliance struck, like a little light bulb had just appeared above his head and lit up.

"The minifridge!" Mikey chirped, far too proud of himself. The master bedroom that April was occupying, had a minifridge under the desk. Mikey had no idea why anyone would put a minifridge under a desk in their bedroom, but now it was turning out to be his savior. He tucked away everything in tight little ziploc bags and containers. The way it all fit so nicely was just too perfect, and it annoyed him. So just to make sure it was _imperfect, _he stuck a slice of bacon in the muffin container with satisfied smirk. Hah. He was _bad._

He managed to pile everything into his arms, balancing a few items in precarious spots and telling himself that _of course _they wouldn't fall, which was a complete lie, but he was okay with pretending. Then he journeyed out into the hall and began his climb upstairs, which involved a lot of swaying back and forth and close calls with falling food. As he reached the top of the flight, the tower of food began to tilt forward, and with a slight yelp he rushed forward to keep it balanced. Well then it started tilting backwards, and so he had to back up to keep it balanced. Making sure to keep a close eye on it from then on, Mikey sidled his way towards April's room, and only when he reached the door did he consider that he probably should have asked her first before just breaking into her room and putting a bunch of food in her minifridge. He resolved that he'd ask her afterwards. After all, he was sure that she'd say yes anyways.

The happy, orange masked turtle came into the room. The bed was messy; someone hadn't made their bed last night, he thought with a false sense of scorn, and then he giggled. Michelangelo set the containers down on the desk, then popped open the minifridge and began to shove containers in with no precision or thought. When he was done the fridge was a messy jumble of containers, but everything fit. He had snagged a muffin while putting them away and set it on the desk. Now he picked it up and left the room with a smile like a fresh mango. He was heading for the stairs to ask April if he could put the food in her minifridge, when another door caught his attention. He paused, staring. The smile on his face faded. With a cautious glance around, he slipped in.

He was still there, still submerged in water with his head lolling against the edge of the tub. A sense of disappointment filled the younger brother. He hadn't known what he had been expecting really. For Leo to jump up and say he was okay? For his brother to be waking up, telling them everything was fine? He didn't know, but finding him still exactly the same as he had left him made him sad. Mikey padded across the chipped tiles and stared. All the glowing happiness that had been fueling his smiles all morning was suddenly gone, like the room had just sucked it up and ate it. Mikey glanced at the muffin in his hand, and then, knowing fully just how stupid it was, placed it on the tub ledge. Then he stood back and hesitated. Should he say something? Raph and Donnie were always talking to him, filling him in on things, asking him to get better. He could hear them at night sometimes. Sometimes he could even hear them cry. That made him want to cry too.

"Uh...here. I know you can't eat it, but you missed out on the best morning ever," Mikey mumbled, putting his hand on the back of his neck and shrugging dejectedly. "Yeah. We miss you." Talking didn't make it better. In fact, it made it worse. He felt like he was talking to corpse. Mikey bit his lip, his eyes darting around a moment longer. Then he turned and bolted from the room, leaving the muffin waiting patiently on the ledge of the tub to be eaten. The younger turtle closed the door behind him as fast as he dared. He was starkly reminded why he didn't go in there often, and guilt filled him up. Did he not care enough about his brother to want to be there? Was he being a bad brother by avoiding the room? The room felt so empty.

It made him feel empty.

. . . . .

"Popcorn!"

Mikey and April let out shrieks of delight as four popcorn bags came flying over their heads. Raph didn't look quite as delighted as one fell on his lap and he cussed loudly.

"That burned my legs!" he shouted furiously. "CASEY!"

"Sorry dude, they didn't feel hot to me," Casey smirked, leaning over the back of the couch. "It's not my fault you're a wuss."

"Wuss?! I'll show you who's a wuss!" Raph grabbed him and flipped him over the couch, and the two began to wrestle. April just rolled her eyes, getting up off her rocking chair and flipping off the lights.

"Where's Donnie? He'll miss the beginning of the movie," he asked. Raph and Casey appeared to be deaf to at the moment, but Mikey perked up.

"Oh, he's putting new batteries in the remote. It was dead," Mikey offered her.

"Ow ow! I give! You're not a wuss!" Casey yelped. Raph had him in a headlock and Casey was struggling against him. Raph held on a moment more, smirking, then let him go. Casey dropped to the floor like a dead fly. As Casey got up, Donnie came into the room and took the spot on the air mattress laid out of the floor. He pressed the play button, and then the movie had started. For a few minutes they all sat, entranced by the screen.

Then Mikey suddenly broke out bawling.

There was a big commotion as tears came streaming down his face. Raph was looking around wildly and Donnie fumbled with the remote, trying to pause the movie. April was over at Mikey's side in an instant, her hand gently touching his shoulder. "What is it?" she asked almost frantically. "What happened? Are you hurt?"

Mikey looked around at all their concerned faces and broke out into a fresh wave of tears. "Hey, hey…" April hushed, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. "What happened?"

"I just...it was such a good day and we're a family again but...I wish...I wish…" Mikey blubbered, rubbing his eyes frantically, trying to erase the tears. He had been so proud of the fact that he had remained the happiness in the house, that he hadn't broken like the rest of him and yet here he was, doing exactly what he had told himself he wouldn't do.

"You wish what?" April asked, leaning over to try and hold eye contact.

"That Leo was here," Raph finished solemnly, grabbing everyone's attention. Mikey whimpered and buried his head between his knees, rocking back and forth. "I knew it," Raph mumbled to himself. "I knew he was going to break eventually." The words cut Mikey open and he could feel himself collapsing. He failed. He was supposed to be the one thing that wouldn't break in their lives, the one thing that would always be there with a smile and a joke. And he broke.

"Mikey…" April lost her words. There were no words she could think of to comfort him, nothing she could possibly think of that would make things better. He was just a kid missing his brother and needed to cry. So instead she just hugged him, pulling him close until she could feel his raggedy hot breath against her face. Before long, Raph had come over and pulled his younger brother close, and then Donnie had joined in. Even Casey piled into the hug. They stayed like that, not a word exchanged between any of them as Mikey let every bit of fear and sadness he had stuffed down resurface and come out as tears. Nobody asked questions. Nobody consoled him with words. But their arms, outstretched and holding him close, surrounding him like a wall, were more comforting than words.

That's when it dawned on him. He had fooled himself into thinking he wasn't hurt, that he didn't need fixing, that he wasn't broken. He told himself his brothers were the broken ones, but he hadn't even noticed that _he_ wasn't whole. They had been put together; now it was their turn to put him together.

"I didn't screw up…" he said between strangled sobs. "Did I?"

"No, you didn't," Donnie reassured him, smiling a sad gap-toothed smile. "You just finally stopped pretending you were okay."

"I'm not okay." A fresh bout of water came streaming from his eyes.

"But you will be," Raph added in. "Cause now you got us." And wrapped up in all their arms, believed it. Things would be okay. He would be okay.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello everybody! Here's another chapter, and though it might be a little boring, I hope you'll still enjoy it! I'm planning on 4-5 more chapters of this story before I officially call it done. Hopefully I'll be able to meet my goal of getting it done before end end of September. I'll keep working away at it! **

**I don't own TMNT, otherwise there wouldn't be_ another _two week hiatus.**

By morning the youngest brother had considerably lightened up. April was constantly fluttering around him and fussing over him like he was a little duckling who needed to be guided along. Mikey soaked up the attention like a sponge. Anytime the redhead asked if he needed something, his eyes would light up. Personally, Casey found it to be quite amusing, watching her stalk him around the house. While his two older brothers weren't as obvious about it, they still spared extra glances in his direction and one of them always was conveniently hanging around. And Casey; well, he just felt out of place. Last night, everyone had been together. But exposed in the light of day, he was an outsider in the perfect sync and pattern of the Hamato family. April had lived with them, trained with them, even been given a weapon with their emblem on it. She was accepted and cared for as a sister of the family. But him; well, Splinter didn't even really like him. Neither did Donnie, or even Leo for that matter. Sitting out on the cold front porch with the sting of fresh snow burning into his face, Casey felt distinctly out of place.

Oh well. They were stuck with him in any case.

There was a sudden crash from inside the house, and it sounded an awful lot like something breaking.

"What?!" Mikey yelled, loud enough for Casey to hear through the closed porch door. "Santa isn't real?"

"Way to go Donnie!" Raph growled.

"I thought you told him last year!" Donnie whined, then followed up with a groan. With a slight grunt, Casey pushed himself off the porch bench, deciding that now would be a good time to intervene before things got heated. The teen slipped into the house, then poked his head into the living room, where Mikey was looking properly horrified at the realization that his childhood hero did not exist.

"Casey Jones is heading out to the scrapyard. Anyone wanna tag along?" Casey grinned. "How about you Red?" He smirked playfully and clicked his tongue with a wink. April just rolled her eyes.

"I'm good," April drawled, but Casey didn't fail to notice the slight blush creeping onto her face. Nearby he could see Donnie pouting and shooting daggers at him, but for the moment he chose to ignore that.

"Come'on," Casey prodded further. "It'll be great! You and me-"

"Looking through piles of garbage," April replied with a slight bite in her voice. "If that's your idea of a date Jones, then you're out of luck."

"Ouch," Raph commented, giving April a respectful look. "She just burned you."

"Alright," Casey surrendered. "I'm leaving."

"Wait, I wanna come with!" Mikey snapped out of his stupor and scrambled across the room. "I'm going to go crazy if I have to stay in here any longer."

"Oh, could you bring back some wire? And metal- any kind will do. And if you could find a lightbulb that'd be great-" Donnie perked up and his pout disappeared, but he was cut off by a loud groan.

"Yeah yeah, we'll see what we can do, but we aren't running errands," Casey said, rolling his eyes. "I've got my own list of stuff to look for."

"I'll bring back your stuff if I find it Don, I promise!" Mikey grinned, grabbing a coat. "You wanna come Raph?" The red-masked turtle paused, considering the idea.

"Nah," he finally said, shrugging slightly. "I've got some stuff I have to do here."

"Guess it's just you and me, Mike," Casey announced. April frowned from the other side of the room, still displeased. Her eyes flitted between the two of them for a moment before she let out a slight huff.

"Don't stay out there too long," she warned. "Or you'll both catch colds."

"Yes _mom_," Mikey drawled out with a surprising amount of sarcasm.

"Should we grab an extra scarf too? Or maybe you're gonna send us lunches with us-" Casey snickered, but quickly stopped when April shot him a heated glare. Man, if looks could kill Casey was about ninety-percent sure he'd be dead right now.

"Are you going to stand there all day or what?" April snapped.

Casey quickly snapped back into his flirty mood. "I might, if it means I get to stare at you," Casey grinned. From somewhere outside his line of vision, Donnie grumbled indistinctly. Knowing that he was annoying the turtle with his shameless flirting made him just a little bit pleased. April rolled her eyes, unamused.

"Come'on Casey, let's_ go_," Mikey whined, tugging his arm impatiently. "I'm going to die if I can't get out of here soon!" Finally Casey gave in and, with a quick wink at April, he left the house with Mikey sprinting ahead of him. Mikey squealed as his three-toed feet kicked up snow in huge drifts, sending it fluttering back down over their heads. The teenage human chuckled as he climbed into the van and started it up. Mikey came in from the other side, covered in snow and grinning as he nearly flew into the passengers seat.

"You've lightened up," Casey commented as they backed away from the cabin. Mikey only nodded furiously before he made a lunge at the radio. Casey didn't stop him; they only had three stations to choose from, so it was hardly worth the effort to battle for control over the music selection. After flipping through all three, Mikey settled on the classic rock station.

_"It's more than a feeling…"_

The guitar and drums blasted through the speaker and the youngest turtle smiled and bobbed his head slightly to the music. For a while they remained like this, neither talking as the car bumped down the road, shaking from the poorly paved road. The rock blared out any other noise and after the first few songs Casey couldn't help but tap his hand on the steering wheel to the beat.

Things only escalated from there. By the time they had reached the junkyard Mikey was ripping on his air-guitar and bouncing up and down so hard that the entire car shook. Casey meanwhile was singing horribly off-key and the speakers were turned full-blast.

_"And the man in the back said everyone attack, and it turned into a ballroom blitz!_" Casey howled.

"_And the girl in the corner said-_" Mikey mumbled through the next few words, but came back strong, yelling, "_It'll turn into a ballroom blitz!_"

"_Ballroom blitz! Ballroom blitz!_" The two chanted together, then burst out laughing. Mikey hit a lever next to the seat and it reclined backwards with a sudden jerk. He yelped as he hit the back of the seat, but then the two of them burst into renewed laughter. The music continued to play as Casey parked outside the snowy gate to the junkyard. He waited for the song to end - after all, they were having way too much fun to cut off in the middle of the song. When it finally faded and he clicked the car key so the engines powered down, Mikey was still reclined ridiculously far backwards and laughing.

"Man, no wonder they put radios in cars! That was awesome!" Mikey sighed happily, cranking his seat back up.

"I'm glad you're feeling better after...y'know, last night," Casey commented somewhat awkwardly. Mikey's smile slightly faltered and Casey wanted to facepalm. He _always_, always managed to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Mikey seemed to sense his distress however.

"Yeah, yeah, it's all cool," the orange-masked turtle said hurriedly. "I mean, that's why I wanted to get out. Just needed to take a breath after that. Fresh air, fresh mind, right?"

"Yeah," Casey replied, waving his hand as if dismissing the matter. "Yeah, we'll just chill. No more talking about last night, or Leo, or anything like that. Agreed?" Mikey grinned and stuck out his hand for a handshake.

"You've got a deal," he announced. The two shook hands on the matter, and then climbed out of the van. Casey clicked the lock and tugged at the door handle to double check that the vehicle was secure. Then the two boys easily scaled over the fence and landed on a pile of assorted trash lightly dusted in snow. Casey's mouth twisted in a scowl.

"Man, everything's gonna be wet from the snow," he huffed, rubbing his hands together. Mikey dusted some powder off of an old television.

"Wires!" he said in satisfaction. "Donnie'll be happy." The orange-masked turtle reached in and tore out a handful of colored wires. "Hope he doesn't mind if they're ripped a bit." Casey chose a pile at random and started to paw through, brushing aside junk and disgusting bits of trash, eyes darting around for anything of use.

"Whatcha lookin' for?" Mikey questioned, peering over Casey's shoulder. Casey paused for a second, debating what to say.

"Any techno-stuff that Donatello might want to use," Casey confessed. "I have no idea what else to get him for Christmas." Mikey's eyes lit up.

"Dude, I can totally help you out there. I'm in Don's lab like_ all the time_. Plus, I've got photographic memory. I can pick out anything and everything I've seen him use," Mikey chirped excitedly. "I bet we'll find something so totally wicked that he'll start going off on a techno-babble rant when he opens his present."

"Sick!" Casey exclaimed. "In that case, lead the way!" Mikey was beaming from ear to ear and the two of them quickly scampered off deeper into the yard. Mikey's eyes scoped out a promising pile before he dove for it like a vulture who'd eyed a particularly fresh corpse.

"Donnie can always use more screws and nails," Mikey commented, picking out a few from the pile. "Half the time he has to put a project on hold just because he's run out. We could fill up a little box with them and put them in his present!" Casey nodded diligently and started to brush through the junk and pick out screws. Some of them looked too rusty to be of any use, and so the teenager tossed them aside. Fairly quickly he had filled his hand with them.

"Say, could you find something to put these in for now?-" Casey turned to ask, but his jaw dropped when he saw that Mikey had already picked out an old cookie tin from the pile and had nearly filled it with nails. "What? How-?!" Casey gaped, and Mikey chuckled, throwing another one into the tin.

"Ninja eyes," he said, tapping just under his eyes. "They're trained to look for small details." Mikey smirked slightly at the look on his friend's face.

"That's totally unfair," Casey finally squeaked out, scowling.

"As Master Splinter would say-" Mikey cleared his throat slightly and began a spookily accurate imitation of his sensei, "-_seek victory, not fairness_." Casey snorted a bit at the impression, but both of them were silent for a moment at the thought of the old rat.

"Anyways," Mikey cut into the silence like a knife. "You keep looking for nails and screws. I think I spotted some pliers in here that didn't look half-bad." Mikey started to dig through the unidentified trash, his blue eyes flickering around. Casey spotted another nail in a flash and grabbed it before Mikey could rustle up more garbage and cover it up.

"I'm gonna go over there, you're rustling stuff around too much for me to spot anything," Casey commented, picking up the cookie tin and lazily loping off.

"You're just not fast enough son!" Mikey shouted after him with a mischievous grin. "You've gotta practice your reflexes!"

"Yadda yadda," Casey made a mock sock puppet with his hand and rolled his eyes. For a while he found himself peacefully sifting around, carefully picking out nails.

That peace was quickly brought to a stop when from behind him, Mikey screamed bloody murder.

Casey immediately bristled, dropping his tin of nails and whipping around, not thinking twice before he dashed around his pile of junk. When he skidded around the corner he found the turtle on the ground and covering his head with his hands. Mikey's eyes were squeezed shut, almost as if he were bracing himself for an attack.

"What is it? What happened?" Casey asked frantically, instinctively reaching back for his baseball bat only to remember he hadn't brought any weapons with. _Stupid stupid Casey! You should always be prepared for danger!_ Instead Casey grabbed a wood board with nails sticking out the end and jumped in front of Mikey, his makeshift weapon held high behind his head, ready to swing it down on whatever creature had attacked-

Casey nearly jumped out of his skin at the mangled face buried within the trash. The fake-flesh was peeling off the robotic shell and rotting away. One emotionless human eye remained, while the flesh had came off the other side to reveal a circular light that glowed a dull pink. The familiar cold steel corpse stared out of the trash, lifeless. Realizing it wasn't a threat, Casey lowered his wooden board, but chills were still crawling up his back.

"Hey, Mike," Casey said, his voice turning soft as he placed a hand on the terrapin's shoulder. Mikey flinched slightly, then dared to open his eyes, his tense muscles relaxing slightly. "It's fine. It's dead."

"I-I thought they found us," Mikey stuttered, the panic slowly receding from his eyes. "The Kraang."

"Nope," Casey half-heartedly smiled. "It's fine."

"S-sorry," Michelangelo said sheepishly, crawling back onto his feet. Casey noted with a flash of sympathy that his hands were still shaking slightly. "Guess I just overreacted. I just wasn't expecting them to be here...of all places. And it's been too soon since the invasion…guess that it shook me up a little harder than I thought." The turtle offered a weak smile.

"Yeah," Casey looked back over at the dead Kraang-bot. "I feel you man. It looks like it's been here awhile though." Casey dared to approach the robot and inspect it closer. The teenager narrowed his eyes, then, very slowly, slipped off his glove so that the cold December air bit at his bare skin. Casey lifted his hand and brushed it against the droids face. The metal was frozen and bit at him the minute his fingers came into contact, but when he drew his hand away he noted that the steel had flaked off at his touch.

"It's flaking and rusting," Casey let out a deep breath, drawing away from the robot and putting his glove back on. "So it's been here for at least a year or two. I wonder how much of the droid is left…?" He started to toss aside the garbage to reveal it's chest, then torso. Then the teen wiggled it till it came loose of the tightly-packed prison that had concealed it. The robot was missing both legs and one arm, but the main part of it's body was still intact. There was a hole in the fake skin, revealing the slot in the Kraang-bots torso where the pilot would have sat. Now it was empty. Casey held it up into the sun and the metal glinted in spots where rust hadn't taken over.

"Ugh," Casey dropped it and let it fall with a clatter. "Just looking at it gives me the creeps."

"Wonder how it got here?" Mikey mused quietly, frowning. "And where the guy inside went..?"

"In any case, good riddance," Casey drawled, giving the bot a kick. It clattered loudly and they both flinched a bit at the noise. Mikey studied it a moment longer, a familiar curious sparkle in his eyes.

"You'know...Donnie would probably really like this," Mikey said slowly, sharing a look with Casey. "Ever since we left the city he hasn't had much Kraang tech to tamper with…" Casey raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Casey questioned. Mikey broke out into a wide grin and gave him a thumbs up.

"I think it's time to give this Kraang-bot a Christmas makeover!" Mikey gushed, on the brink of hysterical laughter. "We can dress it up with a bunch of bows and glitter! Don't you think Donnie will just love it?" Casey cracked, doubling over in laughter.

"Maybe we should give it some makeup too," he wheezed, slapping his leg and nearly choking on laughter. "Man, I can't wait to see his face-"

"HEY!"

Casey and Mikey both immediately straightened up and looked up at the source of the sound, their laughter being sucked from them. An older fellow with a bushy beard and a plaid shirt stood a distance away, hands crossed and a peeved expression on his face.

"What do you crazy kids think you're doing here?!" he yelled, shaking his fist. "And I don't know what's up with that guy's costume-" he gestured at Mikey, "-but we don't welcome trespassers!" Casey shared a glance with Mikey. Then in one quick swoop, Mikey had hoisted the Kraang-bot onto his back, Casey had snatched up his tin of nails, and the both of them made a dash for the fence.

"HEY! YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE THAT!" the man screamed, his face turning red as he halfheartedly came after them, knowing the two teenagers would easily outrun him. He swore under his breath as they scaled the fence easily. "Dang kids."

Casey dropped on the other side of the fence and outright laughed. "Dude, we should hang more often," he said as he hopped into the driver's seat of their van. "You aren't the total ditz you make yourself out to be."

"Course not," Mikey scoffed, shoving the robot into the trunk. "I know how to snag a robot from a junkyard, just like any good ninja oughtta. Now, I think I know where we can get some makeup for Madame de Kraang's makeover…"


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello all! So I decided that I didn't have much else to add to the story, so my 3-5 chapters has turned out to be only three. The last two chapters will be Christmas morning and Christmas evening, and we'll finally get to see what everyone got each other! :) Yay! Sorry that this chapter is pretty much filler, but we get some more Mikey and I feel like it's a good lead up to the final two chapters.**

**THANK YOU to EVERYONE who read, commented and favorited this story! I'm surprised you've stuck with me for so long, and I really appreciate all of your support. See you for another two chapters everyone!**

**I don't own TMNT...sadly.**

The next morning was Christmas Eve, so Raph really shouldn't have been as surprised as he was when Mikey exploded into the room at five A.M.

"IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE!" Mikey screeched, nearly landing on top of Raphael, who was just waking up. The older turtle screamed and woke up with a jerk, flailing under blankets until he dropped off the bed and onto the floor. His head hit the ground rather hard, stars dancing in his vision. From the top bunk, Casey grunted, peering out from underneath the covers he had pulled over his head. Mikey grabbed the sheets wrapped around Raph, who was about ready to punch someone in the face, and attempted to tug them off his older brother.

"I HAVEN'T SLEPT ALL NIGHT DUDE!" Mikey yelled in his ear. "I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS ALL NIGHT AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO!"

"Stop yelling before I shove my fist in your mouth," Raph grumbled. Looking up at his younger brother, it wasn't hard to tell from the bags under his eyes and the veins criss-crossing the whites of his eyeballs that he hadn't, in fact, slept at all.

"Lemme sleep," Casey's slurred voice came from the top bunk as he pulled the covers back over his head and disappeared under a mass of cloth.

"I've got it all figured out!" Mikey said with a slightly maniac smile. Raphael noted to himself that although Donnie could go _several _nights without sleep, Mikey was looking like a zombie from one sleepless night.

"I took inventory of the entire kitchen," Mikey stated, looking rather proud of himself. "And I planned out exactly what I'm going to make for breakfast, lunch and dinner tomorrow! I even checked to make sure I have enough leftovers to make cookies today!"

"Thas great Mike," Casey mumbled from his bed perch. "But why'd you haveta wake us up?"

"Oh," Mikey's face suddenly fell and he frowned. "I don't really know. I was just excited." Raphael groaned and wrapped the blankets tighter around himself, wishing that he had the energy to crawl back up onto the bed.

"But since you're both already awake you could help me cook breakfast!" Mikey suggested with a hopeful look.

"NO," was the unanimous decision of Raph and Casey. Mikey's expression turned into one of a puppy with it's tail tucked in between it's legs.

"But guuuuys," the orange-banded terrapin pleaded. "It isn't even _that _early!"

"If the sun ain't up, then Casey Jones ain't up," the hockey player muttered, turning over in his bed. "And I'm seeing no signs of sunlight." Raph just mumbled something that sounded like an agreement as he inched his way up to the bed again, attempting to get back onto the mattress with as little movement as possible.

"You guys are L-A-Z-Y," Mikey huffed, crossing his arms.

"Mhmm," Raph hummed, having succeeded in getting back onto his bed. Already he was drifting back off. As Mikey stomped out of the room, a sudden smirk crossed his lips. He turned around to face the two of them.

"I guess Donnie will have to deal with the fire in the barn without you then," he shrugged. He swept out of the room, holding back his laughter as behind him he heard both of them jumping out of bed. Raph's voice came booming after him.

"WHAT FIRE?!"

"Just kidding bros!" Mikey yelled behind him with a snicker. It was quickly followed by cuss word or two, but Michelangelo considered this mission accomplished.

…..

Donatello held the miniscule chisel between two fingers like it was something delicate and precious. With his other hand, he carefully turned the knob on the pair of loupes, one of the things from his lab that had been small enough to stash somewhere and bring along. It blurred and focused as he carefully tuned it, turning it just a little more before the image became crystal clear. The tiny little rose, only a little bigger than a (human) fingernail, was suddenly right in front of him, the surface of the metal petals glinting in the light. Then, with a dash of fear, he brought the chisel down towards the little flower on his desk until he could see it through his loupes, an invader in the microscoped vision of the perfect little flower. It was a final little touch up ; he had missed a tiny spot on the trinket when he had painted it white, and it had to be _perfect. _The little glob of white paint on the end of the chisel trembled as he brought it closer and closer-

Boom. Just like that, the paint had dripped right into the spot he had wanted it. The purple-banded turtle let out a huge breath he had been holding in and took off the loupe goggles, wiping off the chisel with a paper towel and erasing any traces of the white paint on it. Then he leaned back and admired his work with satisfaction. It had hardly been the hardest part of his project, but knowing that he had gotten everything just-so, down to the last little drop of paint, was extremely fulfilling. He glanced over at the other items lined up on his temporary lab desk. A yellow headband with little, carefully folded cloth flowers glued onto it; an entire container of bobby pins with little charms stuck on them (like the rose he had just finished); a box of hair binders in various happy, cheerful colors; and last but not least a simple little bracelet with five charms hanging off it. He enjoyed feeling accomplished for about ten seconds before doubts started to set in. Was it too much? Was she going to think he was trying to prove something by giving her so much? Maybe it was too girly. What if she never even used them? What if she hated it? What if she was disappointed, what if she wanted something else, what if she got him something totally amazing and this would look lousy in comparison, but what if-

"Oooooh, pretty!" While Donnie had been having a mental panic attack of "what if's" Mikey had sort of just materialized into his lab space and was now leaning over and staring at the tiny metal flower on the bobby pin with huge innocent blue eyes. Donnie swore that his heart jumped straight up his throat.

"Careful, it's still wet!" Donatello screeched, lunging forwards and pushing Mikey back. Michelangelo looked a bit shocked at his reaction and Donnie noted that no damage had been done to the flower with note of relief.

"I was just lookin'," Mikey pouted, sticking out his lower lip. "Gee." Donatello sighed, and without even realizing it he brought his hand up to his forehead and started to lightly massage it.

"It's very _delicate,_" Donnie emphasized, half-glaring. "And I spent a week getting everything just right, so I really don't want you to...tamper with it."

"Fine, fine, I get it," Mikey grumbled, crossing his arms and scowling. "I don't mess up _everything _I touch!"

"I know, I know," Donatello sighed in defeat. "This is just important and I'm a little on edge."

"Soooooo it's for April?" Mikey queried, putting his hands behind his back and cracking a small grin. Donnie's mouth fell flat and he huffed, telling himself he would not blush. Just this once, he would stop himself. It didn't work, as he could feel his cheeks heating up.

"Yes," his voice cracked and he coughed, clearing it out. "Yes, it is, so don't tell her."

"You can count on me!" Michelangelo grinned and gave him a little salute.

"Anyways, why are you over here?" Donatello asked, standing up and returning his tools to their rightful places on the shelves. "Bored?"

"Hiding," Mikey said with a nervous grin. "From Raph. I might have told him the barn was on fire to get him out of bed." Donnie snorted slightly, shaking his head in disbelief. The things his younger brother did, honestly.

"But why are you out in the barn at five dude?!" Mikey suddenly blurted out, popping up right into his face, uncomfortably close. Donnie could see the red veins branching out at the edges of his eyes.

"I was working," Donnie stated, worry starting to creep into his voice. "Mikey, did you get _any _sleep?"

"I couldn't man! There's too much to plan! Everything has to be perfect!" Mikey declared, waving his arms around. "But I've got tomorrow's meals all figured out-"

"Mikey," Donnie let out a huge sigh. "You know that's not healthy. You need to sleep."

"Well you're one to talk," he pouted. Both of them were cut off by a slam from the other side of the barn.

"MIKEY!" Raph's furious shout echoed through the rafters. Mikey's eyes widened and he mouthed, "_hide me" _with a desperate look. Donnie frowned but with a roll of his eyes he gestured to one of the crates he had emptied out in a search for supplies. Mikey's mouth moved furiously as over and over he lip-synced "_thank you thank you thank you". _The turtle jumped into the box and pulled the cover over him. From inside the box his older brother could hear him shifting around and struggling for comfort in the small space. He only shook his head and put on an impassive expression, preparing for the storm of Raphael rage to burst in.

Honestly, the things he did for his brothers.

. . . . .

There was certain feeling of anticipation floating around in the air. In the living room, Mikey was watching the ridiculous TV show, "Crognard", that seemed to be one of the only stations they could get. At first Mikey had been devastated that they couldn't watch "Super Robo-Megaforce", but that had passed quickly. Now he shouted in excitement every time that something of mild interest happened. His eyes glued to the television, he watched as a reindeer bolted across the screen.

"Christmas special!" he squealed. His eyes were quickly diverted from the TV when April came into the room with an armful of-

"Presents!" Mikey said with a huge grin, flitting over to her. April quickly shifted the boxes away from him.

"Not till tomorrow, you eager beaver," she teased lightheartedly.

"What did you get me?" Mikey asked, snatching up the box wrapped up in orange before she could stop him. He held it next to his ear, shaking it. "Is it...a movie?" He frowned, shaking it again.

"I don't want to give it away," April said firmly, grabbing the box out of his hands. "So you'll just have to wait."

"Awww, you can tell me! I promise I'll still act surprised!" Mikey whined, trailing behind her. "Pleeease! Pleeeeease. Pleeeeeease. Pleeee-" Mikey broke out into a loud yawn, smacking his lips.

"Mikey, go to sleep," April chided. "You'll be dead on your feet by evening if you don't get some rest."

"Nah brah, I'll just…" Mikey yawned again, nearly running into one of the chairs by the fireplace. "...just make some lunch or somethin'."

"You do that," April replied dismissively as she carefully arranged her four wrapped boxes underneath the evergreen tree, which was starting to shed needles all over the carpet.

"Wait...I know what I can do," Mikey said, his eyes brightening a bit as he smirked. Before April could question him, he had disappeared up the stairs. April frowned, and after carefully arranging the presents under the tree, she followed him upstairs. At the top of the stairs she paused, but a muffled giggle from behind the bedroom door, caught her attention. She tiptoed over to the door and pressed her ear against the wood.

"Hah! That's rich," Casey's voice leaked out. "Where'd you get the wig?"

"There was a box of Halloween costumes in the barn," Mikey replied in a hushed voice. "I also got...this!" Both of them burst out into hysterics.

"Ok, you put that on her. Lemme try and put some lipstick on her face…"

"Careful! You're gonna smear it!"

"Ssssh! I'm trying to focus."

"...that it the worst makeup job I've ever seen."

"Like you could do better."

"Here, let's wipe it off and try again. The Madame must be perfect for her stage debut!"

April, feeling very confused and slightly scared, drew back from the door. For a moment she played around with the idea of going in, but in the end she decided that she'd rather not know.

The rest of the day was spent hiding away, making last touches to presents, and before long a pile of of boxes was amassed underneath the pine. Surprisingly, Mikey was nowhere in sight - later, it was Raph who found him in the kitchen. He had fallen asleep making cookie batter. A wooden spoon was still in his hand and his head was on the counter.

"Gross, he drooled all over," Raph's nose wrinkled as he surveyed the scene. With a sigh, the older brother hoisted Mikey over his shoulder, grabbing his shell and securing him in place. Then he slowly made his way up the stairs with his heavy cargo. He carried him down the hall, then nudged open the bedroom door with his foot. Gently, Raph laid down his youngest brother on the bed and pulled a blanket over him. He was turning to leave the room when from behind him, Mikey spoke.

"Merry Christmas Raphie," the orange-banded turtle muttered, curling up in his blankets. Raph paused, a slight smile gracing his lips.

"Yeah. Merry Christmas Mikey."


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi everyone! So it's that time of year again, and I figured now was a good time to bring my story to close after struggling with it for the past few months. I've written up the last chapters - there are three and I'll be posting one today, one tomorrow, and one on Christmas. There also may be an epilogue posted the day after Christmas, but after that this story will be done! Yay! Thank you all for the support and reviews, it means a lot to me! I'm surprised you've all stuck with this - it's taken a little over a year to write, which it really shouldn't have, but oh well. I hope you all enjoy the last chapters of Far From Perfect. :)**

**I do not own TMNT.**

From the hallway, a door slammed. Donatello only vaguely recognized that Raphael was returning from another run for wood as he stared contemplatively out the window. April was curled up next to him, leaning her back against his shoulder while she read a book. Neither had said a word to each other after "good morning". April had just curled up next to him silently, and Donatello certainly hadn't protested. There were fat flakes of snow drifting downwards just outside the window, where the dawn was illuminating the forest. From the other side of the room, the somewhat messily decorated tree cast dim red and green light across the floor. Donnie sighed quietly and concentrated on the warmth of April's back on his arm.

"Is Mikey up yet?" Raphael's voice was jarring in the silence. The red-banded turtle came into the room, wearing a too-small coat over his skin, which was pale from the cold.

"No, he's out cold. I didn't want to wake him up - he needs the sleep," Donnie replied, slowly emerging from his silent reverie. Raphael gave Donatello a quiet smirk, glancing from him to April and giving his younger brother a knowing look. Donnie's jaw tightened as he tried to fight the sudden flush on his cheeks.

"I suppose we'll have to take care of breakfast on our own then," April suddenly joined in the conversation, closing her book. "Where's Casey at?"

"Still sleeping," Raphael rolled his eyes. "At least as far as I know."

"Should we wake him up?" April contemplated, tilting her head back to look at Donatello.

"Nah," Donnie scoffed. "If he sleeps through breakfast it's his own fault. Besides, it'll take at least a half hour for him to get out of bed if we try to force him to get up."

"So it's just the three of us," April chirped happily. "What do you two want? Waffles? Pancakes? Toast? We got some really great jelly, otherwise there's cinnamon and butter-"

"How about cold pizza?" Raphael suggested with a shrug. "I know we have leftovers." April turned to look at him, an appalled expression on her face.

"Cold pizza? For _breakfast? _On _Christmas?_" she exclaimed in horror. "That's just so...casual! It doesn't seem right to eat cold pizza on Christmas-"

"That sounds really good," Donnie butted in, on the verge of drooling. April huffed and looked at him crossly, sitting up with her arms folded across her chest. Donnie swallowed nervously at her stern gaze and offered a sheepish smile. "What?"

"Boys," she shook her head with an exasperated sigh. "Christmas morning, we have sausages and eggs and pancakes and what do they ask for? Pizza. Of _course._"

"If you wanted something fancy you should've woken up Mikey," Raphael retorted. Then a huge grin spread across his face. "Last one to the kitchen gets the pizza with anchovies!" No more complaints were voiced as all three of them raced to the kitchen, tripping over their own feet, because if there was one thing nobody liked, it was cold anchovy pizza.

. . . . .

Mikey smiled. His face felt warm and he was wrapped up in a cozy cocoon of blankets. Foggily, he wondered why there was a slight sense of panic creeping around in the back of his head. The turtle turned over and tried to wave it off, instead focusing on the way that the pillow caressed his face so comfortably. He wondered if maybe there'd be fresh snow today that they could mess up with their footprints. There was something immensely satisfying about looking out onto a perfect white expanse of snow, and then jumping into it and throwing it everywhere. Winter...winter was such a great season. Hot cocoa and peppermint-

Mikey suddenly jerked awake and sat up, wide blue eyes flying open. _Christmas! _It was _Christmas! _And judging from the bright sunlight leaking through the window, morning had already passed. Mikey let out a small, distressed noise. He had slept through Christmas morning?! How could this have happened? Michelangelo clambered out of bed, hastily trying to strap on all his gear. Vague hopes that the others had maybe overslept as well filled his head. Mikey bounced backwards on one foot, trying to slip on his kneepad and instead tripping and falling ungracefully. After an epic struggle with his gear, he finally had made himself presentable and wasted no time in rushing out of the room.

Mikey clomped down the stairs and bolted straight for the kitchen, like a frantic rabbit being chased by a hawk. He skidded into the room madly, and was met with two surprised faces, one human and the other mutant. Raphael was slack-jawed, halfway through taking a bite out of a slice of cold pizza, and across the table April had a pile of boxes and had just begun to unfurl a roll of wrapping paper. For a moment they just stared at him. Mikey took in the scene, black creeping onto the edges of his vision from getting up too quickly.

"Mikey?" April questioned. "Are you ok?" Michelangelo's eyes drifted from the pizza boxes on the table, to the slice that was half inside his older brother's mouth, and to both their surprise the youngest turtle bit his lip as his eyes grew watery.

"Whoa, Mikey, what's wrong?" April stood up, eyes filled with concern, and flitted over to the turtle like a hummingbird. Raphael shifted uncomfortably in his seat and took the pizza out of his mouth without biting into it. Mikey whimpered slightly and pointed at the pizza boxes on the table. Following his finger, April's eyebrows furrowed. Then realization dawned upon her.

"Don't worry, there's still plenty left," she reassured, giving his shoulder a slight pat. She should have guessed that Mikey would be upset if he thought they had eaten all the leftovers without him, him being the pizza-lover and all. Mikey shook his head and sucked in his lips, blinking away more tears. "No?" April said incredulously. "Well then what's the matter?"

"I had a big breakfast all planned out…" Mikey choked out, trying to rub away his tears. "A-and then I overslept and ruined it. It was gonna be all laid out for you when you woke up…"

"Oh Mikey," April gushed, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing him tightly. "You're such a sweetheart. It's fine though."

"No it's not!" Mikey wailed. "It's awful! I ruined Christmas morning!" Very slowly, Raphael put the piece of pizza back into the box awkwardly. Cold pizza had seemed like a good way to start off the day...but apparently Mikey didn't agree.

"You've still got lunch and dinner!" April said with a smile. "Both of which I'm sure will be amazing. A bit of cold pizza for breakfast isn't going to ruin anything!"

"But I wanted it to be _special_," Mikey whined slightly. "I mean, you guys deserve something amazing, not…" Mikey gestured at the boxes of pizza on the table. "_That."_

"Here, look, you can help me wrap presents," April suggested. Michelangelo however turned down her offer and announced he would be getting an early start on lunch, then proceeded to herd everybody out of the kitchen.

"It'll be great," he assured them with a weak smile. "I'll make sure that nothing else goes wrong, and it'll be the best Christmas ever…" As they trailed out, Mikey called out a soft, half-hearted, "Merry Christmas."

With the kitchen no longer available, April and Raphael moved to the living room, April settling in the rocking chair to continue wrapping, and Raphael going to the couch. He grabbed the remote and turned on their television.

As the red-banded turtle stared at the screen absentmindedly, he couldn't help but sigh quietly through his nose. There was a reason that Raphael had never jumped fully on-board with this whole _Christmas _idea that the others seemed to have been infected with. A few times he had wanted to think that maybe Mikey's whole celebration plan would really pan out, and that perhaps the family would have a day where they were all together and for once, nothing would go wrong. He had played along and put up the decorations, if nothing else to please his siblings. But his bet had always been that when Christmas day came, inevitably everybody's hopes and expectations would be far too high. Mikey's crushed face that morning had confirmed his fears, and put him in a sour mood. And to think that only yesterday he had been feeling optimistic.

"Do you think we should watch a movie tonight?" April asked the red-banded turtle, cocking her head slightly. Raphael just shrugged disinterestedly as he flipped through the small amount of channels on their television.

"We could watch "The Polar Express". That's a good one," April suggested.

"Whatever," Raphael said sharply as he scowled. April frowned at him, looking up from the present she had been wrapping.

"What got under your shell?" she retorted.

"This was a dumb idea. It's not going to go the way Mikey wants it to," Raphael growled bluntly. "And then everyone will turn out disappointed. That's what I was saying from the start." April's expression turned displeased.

"Well you're certainly not helping Raph," she shot a glare at him. "This is really important to Mikey, and to me-"

"Which is why I didn't want to do it in the first place!" Raphael turned to her, exasperated. "It gave Mikey something to look forward to, but I know him better than you do, and I know that if everything doesn't go quote-unquote 'perfectly' then he'll get upset. And when has _anything _gone perfectly in this family?"

"Maybe things would go better if you'd stop being such a pessimist," April shot back. Like Raphael, she had a quick temper and the mornings failure had put her on edge, though she had tried not to show it. Her words, instead of calming things, only proved to make Raphael more irritated.

"It's true though!" Raphael said starkly. "Admit it, we all know this is going to fail!"

"You're just being a pig-head about all this!" April huffed crossly. "And you're going to ruin it for everyone else."

"Fine then, whatever," Raphael suddenly stood up and threw the remote down on the couch. "I'm outta here, since apparently I'm just gonna mess things up." Raph stormed out of the living room, and a minute later April heard the door slam. She clenched her teeth and tried to focus on folding the wrapping paper.

_He'll be back. It's not like he can go anywhere. _

April sighed. For the second time this morning something had gone wrong. Maybe Raphael was right. Maybe their expectations were set too high and they were setting themselves up for disaster.

"Hey April, where's Raph?" Casey came in, yawning and blinking sleep out of his eyes. April noted that he hadn't bothered to change out of his boxers before coming down with a slight blush on her cheeks.

"He went outside. He's not in a good mood," she coughed awkwardly. "But he'll be back, I'm sure."

"Yeah, he'll get over himself, don't worry," Casey assured her with a cocky grin. "And Merry Christmas, Red. Too bad someone took down that mistletoe, huh?" The hockey player gave her a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows.

"In your dreams Casey," April rolled her eyes. "Raph's not the only one who needs to get over himself."

. . . . .

Lunchtime came around, and when April sat down at the table, she noted with a certain sense of unease that Raphael wasn't there. Donatello sat down next to her and started off on some sort of nervous chatter about how he liked her headbands, and oh, did she have any with flowers on them? Did she like flower accessories? She absentmindedly kept her half of the conversation going, although afterwards she couldn't recall a thing she had said.

Shortly after they had finished discussing her headbands, Mikey had darted in and out of the kitchen enough times to bring out all the food out on the table and they began eating. April, not feeling hungry, poured herself some hot cocoa from the pot and contented herself with sipping on that.

"Where's Raph?" Mikey questioned, halfway through eating a sandwich.

"He was in a bad mood," Casey shrugged. "He'll be back for supper though. Guy's gotta eat."

"Oh," Michelangelo's already strained smile fell even further and his lip trembled a bit. "I was hoping we'd do presents after lunch, but if he's not here-"

"Then he'll just miss out," Casey said nonchalantly, as if it was no big deal. "His loss." Mikey was looking distressed and April could see clearly that his perfect little plan was being torn apart in front of him.

"Casey," she scolded. "Of course we can't do presents without Raph. Christmas is all about family, and Raph is part of ours. I'll go find him after lunch." Mikey sent her a grateful look and she smiled at him. The rest of the meal passed by quickly, and out of sheer politeness April forced some of the food down her throat. It tasted good, but her worry was making it harder to enjoy. The table had fallen into an uncomfortable silence by the end of the meal. Casey finally seemed to be clueing in on Mikey's dismay, and so with a quick glance around, he bumped the youngest turtle with his elbow. Michelangelo jerked up in surprise, startled.

"Hey Mikey," Casey grinned. "Let's go get the you-know-what ready for you-know-who." The hockey player not-so-subtly looked in Donatello's direction. Donnie's passive expression quickly turned to suspicion.

"Yeah, let's do it," Mikey said, a bit of enthusiasm creeping back into his voice. The two teenagers cleared their plates and disappeared upstairs, leaving only April and Donnie. Donatello still had that suspicious look, but there was also a hint of fear in it. Who knew what sort of trouble those two were going to make?

"Well, I hope the afternoon goes better than this morning has," April sighed, standing up. Donatello gave her a sympathetic look.

"Raph is...difficult," he offered. "And Mikey is unpredictable. We couldn't expect everything to go right, right?"

"Yeah," April replied sullenly. _But I didn't think everything could go wrong either._

. . . . .

Staring at the open boxes of Christmas decorations they had sifted through, Raph felt a twinge of guilt. He had helped put up those decorations, he had encouraged Mikey to do all this, and then the day came and he just snuffed out everyone's cheer with sour words. He should have woken Mikey up early so that he could've made that fancy breakfast he was so crushed about missing. That would have set a good tone for the day. But no, instead he had decided to just eat pizza. This entire day was starting to feel like one big slice of soggy, leftover pizza from some cheap grocery store.

Not for the first time, the terrapin considered going back to the house. But what would he say? He'd probably only make things worse. He had an awful knack for doing that it seemed. Ugh, what was the big deal about Christmas anyways? It wasn't like they had done much for it in years past. Why did Mikey have to go and bring it up?

At the same time, he looked back and realized how much things had improved since then. All the unresolved tension, all the quiet mourning - they had spent a month in that state. Maybe Christmas was what they had needed to come together, but Mikey was the only one who saw it. Well, if Christmas was really what they needed, then Raphael concluded that he had screwed up majorly this morning.

His attention was brought back to the here-and-now by April's voice calling out his name questioningly from the barn entrance.

"Raph? Raaaaph?" Her voice echoed in the rafters and the turtle paused for a second, debating his reply.

"I'm here," he finally shouted back dejectedly. No use hiding out here any longer to wallow in self-pity. In a few moments the red-head girl appeared from around a pile of crates, seeming relieved.

"There you are!" she huffed out. "Why the heck haven't you come back to the house? It's past lunch!"

"Dunno," Raph shrugged, shifting uncomfortably on the crate he was sitting on. "Figured I'd make things worse I guess."

"Well you didn't have to be at the house to make things go wrong, that's for sure," April glared. "Mikey was practically in tears because you weren't at lunch."

"What?" Raph's guilt instantly multiplied. "I didn't mean to-"

"That's the problem Raph, you assumed that we didn't want you around!" April said angrily, jabbing her finger against his chest. "You thought you were doing us a favor when you hid back here, but really all you did was make things worse."

"I'm sorry," Raph stuttered, a bit surprised at the sudden outburst. "I just thought-"

"Well you thought wrong!" April didn't allow him the chance to finish. Raph didn't respond just stared at her with wide eyes. _Man, she's scary when she gets mad._

"Come'on," April sighed, her glare dissipating. "Let's just get back to the house. Maybe we can still make this a good day. For Mikey's sake, I hope so." Raphael cast his eyes downwards and followed the teenage girl out of the barn. Guilt gnawed away at his stomach. He honestly hadn't realized that he'd make things so bad when he'd stormed out. The turtle groaned, knowing that he'd probably already ruined the entire celebration. Mikey had wanted a perfect Christmas.

Well so far, this Christmas was turning out to be far from perfect.


	17. Chapter 17

**Still don't own TMNT.**

April had returned with a rather sullen Raphael in tow, and Mikey had done his best to look elated. Inside he was dreading them all being in the same room together. Raphael had a foul storm cloud hanging over his head, and that spelled out trouble. Nonetheless, Mikey grinned as wide as his face would allow.

"Come'on Raphie, we're gonna open presents!" Mikey said in a chipper voice, grabbing his older brother's arm. To his surprise, Raphael didn't come back with a clipped remark or a hard smack. He only threw Michelangelo an annoyed look before allowing himself to be dragged into the living room.

"Look at all the presents!" Mikey exclaimed, dropping Raph's arm to gape at them. "There must be like, dozens!" Underneath the tree there were boxes and bags of every size imaginable that crowded underneath the pine branches. A particularly large one marked "To : D-Man, From : The Coolest Person in the Room" caught Raphael's attention. It was nearly half as high as him and didn't fit underneath the tree, so was placed awkwardly off to the side.

"That one from Casey?" Raph asked with a slight smirk, pointing to it.

"Yup," Mikey bit back his grin. "I helped him out with it. Trust me, Donnie's gonna _love _it."

Oh, Raphael certainly didn't doubt that. Whatever Casey had up his sleeve, it was gonna be good.

"Is everyone here?" April asked loudly, looking around. Mikey quickly took a pillow and sat on the floor, while Raphael turned around one of the chairs by the fireplace to face the tree and sat down in it. Donnie was engrossed in something on his phone, but quickly put it away when April turned her eyes towards him. Casey had gotten a beanbag chair (from where, nobody knew), and sat casually in it, occasionally glancing at his present for Donnie with a mischievous glint in his eye.

Looking around, Mikey could see that Raphael was struggling to try and remove the scowl from his face, and that everyone else was forcing smiles on their faces, with quick glances in his direction. His stomach dropped when he realized what was going on. They were pretending to be happy for his sake. Apparently this morning had done more damage than intended, and despaired feelings were being spread all around. Well, he wasn't going to stand for this. By the time they were done, everybody was going to be smiling because they couldn't help themselves, not because they were trying to make him happy.

"Can I open the first present?" Mikey asked. Everybody quickly agreed to the idea, and Mikey darted over to the tree, immediately going for the orange wrapped present that he knew was from April. He snatched it up and then went back to his pillow, sitting down and looking at his prize with a large grin.

"It's from April!" he gleefully said, shaking the box next to his ear. "What could it be?" From the other side of the room, April was blushing in embarrassment.

"Ooooh, look at it!" Mikey shook the box and held it high in the air. "Bet you all can't wait to see what April gave me-"

"Would you just open it already?" Raphael snapped, rolling his eyes. Mikey's shoulders slumped a bit, but his cheer quickly returned as he ripped the paper off the present to reveal-

"APRIL YOU'RE THE BEST!" Mikey screamed, running over to said girl and engulfing her in a huge bear hug. April smiled broadly and laughed.

"So you like it?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"Uh, duh!" Mikey drew backwards and held up the object of his excitement - a large cookbook.

"Hey, now you can make some _real _food," Raphael mocked. "Instead of pizza-frickin-everything." Mikey pouted at that and sat back down, frowning at Raphael before he turned eagerly to his cookbook, already leafing through the pages.

"Well since you seem to be so _excited, _you can open the next present Raph," April snapped at him, clearly impatient with his brooding.

"Do we have to go through this big spectacle?" Raphael groaned, leaning backwards dejectedly. "Can't we just open them up all at once and get it over with?"

"Here, open mine," Casey shoved a square box into his hands. "The faster you open em' the faster it's done man."

"This is so stupid," Raph grumbled under his breath. The turtle pried open the box as quickly as he could, avoiding eye contact with anyone. He peered inside and his frown faded a bit. Then he glanced back up at Casey approvingly. "Thanks," he nodded, moving to put down the box.

"Well what it it?" Mikey said, turning his attention away from his new prize. "You gotta show us!"

"Ugh, here-" Raphael pulled a graffitied motorcycle helmet out of the box and pushed it into his younger brother's face. "-happy now?" The red-banded turtle lifted the helmet high up in the air. "Have you all stared at it long enough now-"

"_Thank you, _Raphael," April said loudly, calming things down. The terrapin grumbled as he put the gift back in the box and slouched further into his chair. "I'll go next." April made her way over to the tree and after inspecting a few presents, she plucked a small rectangular box up. Sitting down, she gave Raphael a sickeningly sweet look.

"It's from Raphael," she said with a smile. Raphael huffed and buried himself further in the cushions, but she didn't fail to notice him blush. When April had carefully torn off her wrapping paper and sliced open the box, her eyes grew wide. She delicately took out a small combat knife with a wooden handle. The wood had small carvings in it and was polished till it shone. Three more like it were laid carefully inside the box. Raphael glanced over at her nervously.

"Raph, they're beautiful!" she gushed, running her fingers over the carvings. "Did you _make _these?

"Yeah…" Raphael shrugged. "I figured it'd be good to have some backup in case your tessen isn't with you. They should be easy enough to hide in your clothes."

"Thank you…" April was still looking over the knives with awe, much to Raphael's embarrassment and discomfort.

"I'm going next!" Casey proclaimed, jumping forwards to snatch up the first present he saw with his name on it. It was a large one, and he flipped it over to read the name tag. "From Mikey," he said, glancing over at the orange-banded turtle. A few moments later, the hockey player pulled out a guitar with a huge grin.

"Dude, this is totally wicked!" Casey exclaimed. "Thanks!"

"It's not brand new, but I tried to fix it the best I could," Mikey fretted with an apologetic smile.

"I'm just stoked to have any guitar! It's great!" Casey began to pluck at the strings but was quickly shushed by April. Finally, it was Donatello's turn. He contemplated opening the large box from Casey, but his fear won out and instead he chose the gift from Michelangelo. He was delighted when he saw he had gotten flashdrives, and mildly amused that his brother had personalized them each by drawing little animals on them with a marker. After thanking him, the circle had gotten back to Mikey.

Mikey snatched up Casey's present and, just as he had with April, feverently thanked him for it with a large hug and grin. Although it was winter, Mikey was certain that come spring, he'd find somewhere to use the skateboard Casey had given him.

Raphael next opened Donatello's present, which was a swiss army-knife of sorts, only with a few adjustments, including a taser that Raphael accidentally fired while fiddling with it and nearly hit Casey. Donnie began to question his choice of gift, but the circle continued to move on.

April chose to open Casey's gift next, which was a large journal. She thanked him graciously, although she did have to ask how he knew she wanted one.

"I noticed you scribbling all the time in that old school notebook of yours, and I thought that it was a pretty lame place to be journaling," Casey replied casually, although he was far too pleased his present had turned out to be a good choice.

Next up was Casey, and he went for April's gift. He was more than happy when he found out she had gotten him a set of old game consoles and games that had been on sale cheap - how that tiny grocery store got their hands on them, nobody could guess.

Donatello, still avoiding Casey's present (much to Casey and Mikey's displeasure), opened Raphael's next. Once again Raphael surprised them all, this time with a set of carefully whittled chess pieces. Donnie looked more than pleased with them.

"When did you have time to do this?" the purple-banded turtle questioned in awe.

"The real question is, when didn't I?" Raphael snorted in good humour. "There was _nothing _interesting to do around here for a month straight. You think I was just staring at the floor all that time I was up with Leo?" Just like that, things grew suddenly a bit uncomfortable at their older brother's mention, but the feeling quickly passed when Mikey began to chatter excitedly as he went for his next present. It was a pair of repaired headphones from Raphael, and he quickly busied himself with adjusting them to fit his head, the skateboard and cooking book still lying in his lap.

Raphael's next gift was from April. He reached inside the bag, and when his hand emerged again it was clutching a huge coat.

"Thanks April!" Raphael couldn't disguise his pleasure.

"I noticed that my dad's old one didn't really fit you," April blushed. "And you're always running around out there." The new coat fit him like a glove, and Raphael briefly wondered how she had known what size to get him, but didn't dwell on it.

April chose Donatello's gift next, and the purple masked turtle pretended to be busy examining his chess set while she was opening it. His face was turning increasingly red. April opened the box and a smile immediately adorned her face.

"Did you make this?" she asked, picking up a yellow headband with cloth flowers carefully glued to it. After looking back down, her eyes widened. "Did you make those too?" The red-head carefully began to sift through a box of bobby pins with little metal roses welded to them, and pulled out a charm bracelet in dumb awe. Donatello only nodded, not trusting himself with words at the moment.

"We have a welding torch?" April asked dumbly. Well, that wasn't what Donatello had been expecting. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but was at a loss for words.

"Thank you! They're beautiful," April said eagerly, slipping the bracelet on her wrist and admiring it. Casey was looking a little jealous over in the corner, but April remained oblivious as she looked over her new accessories. Donnie was grinning like an idiot meanwhile.

"Ok, let's see what….Raph got me!" Casey exclaimed, snatching up a present from under the tree. When he opened it, he pulled out a strange contraption, and looked at it curiously. It was four thick washers welded to each other in a small arc, and that arc welded to a small metal pipe. Upon further inspection, he discovered there were two of them, and the washers were shaped so they ended in a slight point.

"What are these dude?" Casey asked, clueless. Raphael grunted in annoyance.

"They're brass knuckles," he said shortly. "You put your fingers through the holes and clutch the pipe in your hand, then you punch stuff." Casey diligently followed Raph's instructions and his eyes lit up when he understood their purpose.

"Oh, sick!" Casey said, throwing a pretend punch at the air.

"Yeah, that's so you won't bust your knuckles trying to punch me next time," Raphael scoffed. Donatello once again avoided Casey's present, evoking groans of displeasure from both him and his accomplice, Mikey. Donnie smiled when he saw that April had given him a small wooden box with a little ying-yang symbol carved into the top.

"Let me guess - Raph's help?" Donatello said knowingly.

"Yeah," April blushed. "But I did most of it."

Mikey's last present was from Donnie. He squealed in delight when he discovered it was a large stuffed puppy, and immediately began to cuddle it.

"Yeah, I know you wanted a real one…" Donnie laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "But I don't think we could handle that."

"No sweat dude, this thing is just as adorable!" Mikey said, smiling contentedly.

Raph was up next, and his final present was from none other than Mikey. He opened it up and pulled out a large stack of books, throwing a questioning glance at Mikey.

"Something for you to do," Mikey said, as if it were obvious. "I know that you like all those sci-fi horror stuff and the crime thrillers, so I was gonna get you comic books but they didn't have any. I figured books without the pictures would be a close second."

"Yeah, cool," Raph said, looking through the stack. "Thanks."

April took up a somewhat misshapen present that claimed it was from Michelangelo. When she opened it up, she gasped at what was inside. Before long everyone was crowding around her, trying to see what had provoked her reaction. Very slowly, she held up a long black kimono, decorated with pink cherry blossoms and little bluebirds. Mikey was grinning at her side.

"So, what do you think, huh?" Mikey prodded, bouncing up and down in his seat. "Bet you weren't expecting this!"

"Where…" April blinked, as if breaking out of a trance. "Where did you _get _this Michelangelo?"

"Well, it's actually a little bit of a longer story than you think…" Mikey said, his smile dropping a bit. Everyone immediately turned to him expectantly. Mikey shifted a bit awkwardly, clearing his throat. "Well, uh, a few months ago, back in the city, I was talking with Master Splinter-" Everybody instinctively cringed at the name. Mikey cleared his throat again and composed himself. "I was talking to Master Splinter and I was thinking about Christmas."

"You were already thinking about Christmas back then?" Raphael blurted out in amazement. Mikey nodded and smiled a bit sheepishly.

"Anyways, uh, Master Splinter has this box of old kimonos, and I sort of accidentally found them," Mikey said feverently.

"Accidentally, uh-huh," Donatello deadpanned. "I'm sure you accidentally were snooping in Master Splinter's closet."

"Can you just let me finish?" Mikey asked pleadingly. After nobody else interrupted, he let out a large sigh and went on. "So I found the box of kimonos and I thought, 'Wow, those are really pretty, but why do we have them, cause none of us are girls!' And Master Splinter was all like-" Mikey only took a brief pause before launching into a Splinter impression. "My son, these robes are something very near to me, they are the only box of kimonos that survived the destruction of my home, they used to be Tang Shen's."

Everyone in the room let out a collective gasp and April's eyes darted back to the robe with new awe and respect.

"And so I said, 'Wow, that's totally wicked Master, but it sucks that they aren't being used anymore because they're really pretty!' And that got Master Splinter thinking, and…" Mikey paused, giving April a smile. "Well, he thought that Tang Shen would have wanted someone to use them, and so we both decided that when Christmas came, we wanted to give you one of Tang Shen's kimonos. So it's really from Master Splinter too, not just me. When we left the city I just couldn't leave it after all our planning...and so I brought it with."

"Mikey...I can't take this," April said tearfully. "I mean, you've already welcomed me into the clan, gave the the tessen meant for Miwa, I can't take Tang Shen's kimono on top of all that! It'd feel wrong."

"Look April, we all know that you're as humble as can be," Raphael suddenly butted in, surprising everyone. "But it's not just Tang Shen who'd want you to have it. I think all of us would agree that you deserve it." He glanced around and everyone began to voice their agreement.

"Besides, there are five other kimonos in the box that we can keep," Mikey said cheerfully. "Go on, go put it on! I wanna see you wear it!" After encouragement all around, April finally gave in and took up the kimono, disappearing into the hallway bathroom.

"Alright Casey, last one for you!" Mikey tossed over the present. "It's from D." Donatello had made Casey a new phone (his old one had been lost with the city) and explained that the phone had extremely good security measures and it was about time he got one of their phones. With how involved he was in their fight now, anybody hacking into his phone would spell out trouble for all of them. Casey thanked him for it graciously, and then came the moment of truth.

"Guess which one you get to open now?" Mikey pushed forwards the final box towards Donatello. It was large and although it looked innocent, Donnie knew better. After all, it was from Casey. He examined the entire thing carefully, looking for the trick, but could find none.

"Open it! Open it!" Casey started to chant, and then Raphael and Mikey joined in, crowding around him expectantly. Donnie bit his lip nervously, eyeing up the gift.

"Fine, fine, I'll open it!" Donnie said, waving his hands for them to stop. Quickly the chanting died down. Mikey and Casey could hardly contain their grins. With cautious hands, Donnie began to undo the ribbon on top. Just then, April came back in, the black kimono draped across her shoulders.

"Hey, I put it on Mikey-" she began, a blush creeping onto her cheeks, but just then Donatello removed the ribbon and the lid of the box popped off. A large, blue droid sprung out like a jack-in-the-box. A white powdered wig flew off its head and hit Donnie straight in the face, evoking a screech from him. Even Raphael reeled backwards with a sudden and terrified shout of "Kraang!".

After a few seconds, everything calmed down and Donatello stared at his present, slack-jawed. It was an old, deactivated Kraang droid, with a few...embellishments. Red lipstick was caked on it's mouth, formed into the shape of puckering lips. Fake eyelashes had been glued to the pink orbs that served as eyes, and they had been traced in thick black eyeliner as well. The white powdered wig, which looked like something out of the 17th century, had obviously been on it's head before it had flown off and hit Donatello. The droid was fitted into some old victorian halloween costume, complete with laces and frills.

"What. Is. This," Donnie asked dryly, pointing at the monstrosity in front of him.

"This my friend, is Madame de Kraang," Mikey grinned, patting the droid's shoulder. "Previous owner of the Garbage la Dump." Donnie turned to Casey and gave him an incredulous look.

"I figured you'd like some Kraang tech to tamper with, but I couldn't just give you the Kraang droid without a personal touch," Casey clutched his stomach, trying to contain his laughter. "Besides, I think she likes you." The Kraang droid bobbed back and forth on the spring that it was attached to and Donnie shook his head, then took the wig and placed it back on the Kraang's head.

"The Madame is most gracious to you for returning her hair," Mikey said in a squeaky voice, hiding behind the Kraang droid and making it bow down. The second he released it though, it sprang back up and smacked him in the face, much to everyone else's amusement.

"It's certainly...creative," Donnie said, dubiously assessing the Kraang. "So...uh...thanks?"

"You have fun with her, tiger," Casey said, leaning on Donatello and giving him a wink. "She's got all sorts of useful parts I'll bet." Donnie flashed him an annoyed look, but the hockey player was already headed towards April with a big grin on his face.

"April! You look amazing!"


	18. Chapter 18

**I don't own TMNT.**

The presents had considerably lightened the mood, but nobody had time to sit down and admire their new possessions, because the moment the last present had been opened Mikey sprang up with a wide-eyed expression.

"DINNER!" he shouted. "Oh man I've got so much to do!" The panic in his eyes was quite apparent. The orange masked turtle scrambled to gather up his gifts and stash them on the couch.

"Mikey-" Donnie began, but none of them would find out what he was going to say, because Mikey turned and grabbed his hand with a huge grin.

"Oh, you want to help? Great! Come'on!" Mikey dragged his older, taller brother out of the room, ignoring Donatello's cries of protest. April and Casey shared a bemused glance, then without a word between them, simultaneously stood and followed the youngest to the kitchen. April quick looked back at Raph and motioned for him to follow with a challenging glare. Raphael's mouth twisted into a pout, but with an annoyed sigh and roll of his eyes he reluctantly trailed behind, not willing to protest.

"Donnie, you take the beans," Mikey said feverently, pawing through a pile of loose scraps of paper. In a second he grabbed one with "Green Beans" written in a scrawling script on the top and shoved it into his older brother's hands. Donatello opened his mouth as if to protest, but was promptly ignored.

"April, I'm gonna trust you with the rice - it looks super complicated but it's not, just follow the directions!" Mikey gave her a sheet of paper with a wild rice recipe written on it and exchanged grins with the red-head. "At least, I hope so."

"Raph-" Mikey spun around and handed him a third recipe. "Potatoes." Raphael nodded seriously, skimming over the recipe.

"And Casey…" Mikey hesitated for a moment. "Casey, you do the buns." Casey skeptically looked over the instructions he was handed.

"You do realize...you're the only one who knows how to cook, right?" Casey asked. The group paused and shared worried looks, their confidence suddenly plummeting. April lifted a hand to her mouth and chewed nervously at her nails.

"We can do this guys," Mikey clapped his hands and forced the group into a huddle, bowing their heads. Mikey glanced around at his family, a grin slowly spreading onto his face. "It's dinner time. Are you ready!?" April and Casey quickly and heartily agreed, while Donatello sighed and Raphael growled under his breath.

"I said-" Mikey inhaled deeply. "ARE. YOU. READY?!"

This time the replies were more enthusiastic, even Raphael joining into the cheer. "Let's do this!" Mikey shouted, and with rekindled spirit they split off.

"I need a roasting pan! Does anybody know where a roasting pan would be?" Mikey shouted, opening cabinet door after cabinet door. He bumped into Donatello, who was searching for a saucepan.

"Hey, watch it!" Raphael passed them both, holding a large pot above his head. "Geez, it's crowded in here."

"Woah!" Casey stood stock-still as a puff of four, intended to dust the pan he had, flew up into his face. "Oooookay. Oops."

"Rice, rice, rice…" April rifled through the boxes of food, attempting to locate the wild rice. Chaos ruled the kitchen as the teens scrambled to put together the meal without burning their hands or bumping into one another.

"Hey, is this salt or sugar?" Casey asked, holding up a bag with a faded out label.

"I dunno, you tell me," Raphael replied with a smirk, grabbing a handful of the white granules and shoving it into Casey's mouth. Casey's eyes immediately bulged and his cheeks puffed out before he let out a hideous gag.

"Salt," Casey exclaimed in a choked up voice, before keeling over and spitting out a glob of the white grains. It landed with an unappetizing splat on the tiled floor. Casey turned on the sink and stuck his head under, gulping down water to try and get the taste out of his mouth. A moment later Donnie came purposefully back into the kitchen after doing who-knows-what. Mikey let out a cry of alarm, but it wasn't enough to warn the purple-banded turtle of the impending disaster. He heeded his warning too late, and by the time he looked down his foot was already stepping into the glob of wet salt on the floor.

"Son of a-" Donatello didn't have time to finish his exclamation before his foot slipped and he ended up sprawled out on the floor. A small groan escaped his lips. But it didn't stop there - April came rushing round the island counter, unaware of Donatello's plight, and tripped over him with a slight shout, catching herself precariously on the counter, in such a position that she was unable to move without falling on top of the turtle on the floor.

"Dude!" Casey sputtered, finally coming up for air after chugging a fair amount of water. The hockey player glared at Raphael. "Uncool!"

"Your face man!" Raphael snickered. "I shoulda taken a picture!"

"Do you have any idea what a mouthful of salt tastes like?" Casey exclaimed, then smacked his lips in disgust.

"No," Raphael shot back with a grin. "But now you do."

"Okay," April interjected, shooting both of them dirty looks. "I think maybe me, Mikey and Donnie will be able to handle this ourselves. You two can go set the table."

Raphael and Casey left with no protest and their workload was quickly divided. After a great deal of waiting and checking, and tweaking, and more than a few spillages, the food was cooked and ready. April and Donatello were tasked with bringing the food out to the dining room, while Michelangelo began to take out sweets he had made earlier.

The kitchen air was delicious with the smells of warm, well-done food. Though some of it had come from mixes, Mikey was nonetheless pleased with the end result of the feast. It wasn't long before the food was laid out and ready. Raphael and Casey hadn't been idle after they'd been kicked out- the table was decked out with a festive tablecloth, two large candles on either end, and carefully laid out china. Everyone was hasty to take a seat so they could begin to eat. After the formal thank-you's were said, supper began.

The conversation immediately sparked up with great enthusiasm. Stories were told with grandeur and festive energy as the family ate. It hardly felt as if any time had passed before the dinner ended and the leftovers were packed away.

The five teenagers migrated slowly to the living room, but were met with an unexpected and unpleasant surprise.

"Frick, it's cold in here!" Casey exclaimed rather bluntly, suppressing a shiver. Raphael's face suddenly paled and he cursed under his breath.

"I didn't put wood in the stoves this morning," Raphael ducked his head in guilt, like a shamed dog. Everyone immediately turned to look at him in shock.

"You what?!" Casey shouted in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, I was just so worried about stuff this morning that I forgot!" Raphael defended weakly. April let out an unpleasant groan.

"And we didn't notice because the oven was making the kitchen warm," she elaborated.

"I'll go grab some blankets," Donatello quickly offered.

"And I'll start up the stoves - it'll take a while but they should warm things up again in a few hours," Raphael said hastily.

"Hey, this is prime hot cocoa weather!" Mikey suddenly realized with a grin. "I'm gonna go make some!"

All three dashed off. Donatello went upstairs and tore the blankets off every bed he could find, then dug in the closets for more. He grabbed a few fuzzy robes he happened upon as well, then made his way back to the living room. Just as he was turning to go into the living room, he bumped into April.

"Oh-! Sorry April," Donnie apologized, trying to shift the pile of blankets so he could see the girl.

"It's alright," April smiled. "Do you need some help with those?" She didn't wait for an answer as she reached up and took half the load off his hands. Her eyes darted upwards, then narrowed in contemplation for a bit.

"Well, it looks like we're under the mistletoe," she hinted, raising her eyebrows a touch. Donnie's eyes darted upwards to find that someone had hung the mistletoe back up. He looked back down at the red-headed girl with his jaw slightly hung open and his face turning red. No words seemed to be coming to him. April just let out a small giggle, then popped up on tiptoe and planted a kiss on his cheek. Donatello let out a small puff of breath, as if the words he meant to say had died in his throat.

"Come'on, let's put on some music!" April said loudly, leaving Donatello under the mistletoe slack-jawed.

Donnie really didn't understand her sometimes.

April's suggestion was quickly taken up, and before long there was Christmas music playing loudly for all to hear. Mikey came in a bit later with a teapot full of hot cocoa, a box full of mugs and a bag of marshmallows. Blankets were handed out and everyone huddled together on the sofa, their bodies lost in the mass of cloth. Outside, the sun was descending down the hill in a cape of crimson. Mikey studied it with a slight tilt of his head.

He'd never really watched a sunset before. Him and his brothers always came out in the night. Mikey watched the sky illuminate with deep reds and purples and couldn't stop the small smile that graced his lips. As a complement to the scenery, the seasonal music filled the air.

"_Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock..."_

"This sucks," Casey pouted. "My butt's gonna freeze off!"

"Wimp," Raphael countered with an amused snort. He attempted to shift a bit in his seat, but the five of them were jammed onto the couch meant for three in order to share the blankets, and so his attempts only served to make him more uncomfortable.

"Man, I love this song!" Mikey piped up. He reached over and grabbed April's hands with a uncontainable grin, pulling her up out of the blankets. She laughed good-naturedly as Michelangelo put her down and began to dance wildly with her - one hand on her shoulder and the other held out and interlaced with hers. They pranced around the room, both laughing the entire time.

"_What a bright time, it's the right time to rock the night away!"_

April let out a slight holler of excitement as Mikey spun her around and then dipped her down. Casey whistled loudly and Raphael watched them with a bemused look.

"_Dancing and prancing in jingle bell square!"_

The two of them ended up twisting themselves in a knot when Mikey attempted another spin and that ended the dance. They both gave little bows while their siblings clapped.

"Thank you, thank you," Mikey gave a large flourish with his hand as he bowed.

"Who's next?" April asked, tilting her head. The three boys exchanged slightly panicked glances.

"I can't dance-" Donatello began, but April had already chosen him as her next target and pulled him up. April began to hop up and down, swinging their arms around and grinning. Donatello gave in and with a grin of his own began to hop along with her.

As Raphael watched the two of them skipping around the room, and then Mikey joining in to make it some sort of messy threesome of dancers, he smiled. The cold no longer bothered him. Deep inside he felt a sense of calm. This was family, this was home. The dark clouds that had hung above the house seemed to have simply disappeared, like a gale had blown them off.

Quietly, the turtle slipped apart from the group, for once not feeling a sense of dread as he went up to the all too familiar room.

. . . . .

April came out of the bathroom in her warmest pair of pajamas, opening her mouth in a huge yawn. Mikey was leaning against the wall, and when she came out he sprung up, beelining for the empty bathroom. As she passed, April reached out and grabbed his arm, pausing them both in the middle of the hallway. He started and turned to her with a questioning gaze.

"I just wanted to say thanks," April beamed, pulling the turtle into a firm hug. "Today was amazing and none of it would have happened without you."

"Yeah, it was pretty great, wasn't it?" Mikey said sleepily. "I'll see you in the morning April."

April's smile faded just a bit when Mikey disappeared behind the bathroom door. Slipping into her room, she pulled open her dresser and after shoving aside some clothes, she uncovered the faded leather gear she had been stashing underneath. Quietly, the redhead pulled them out and assessed them. She had done and redone the belt and pads dozens of times, trying to repair them and clean them till they looked almost new. She grimaced a bit when she remembered the condition the belt had been in. In the front, it had been slashed in two places - two blades from a gauntlet. It had taken her ages to figure out how to get bloodstains out of leather. Now all of Leo's gear was sewn, patched and cleaned.

April snatched some ribbon off her dresser and quickly tied the gear together with a bow on top. A small gift tag was attached to the gear and it read "_To Leo, From April. Merry Christmas"_. April walked purposefully out of her room and to the bathroom. As soon as she came into the bathroom, she paused timidly and held her present close to her chest.

Raphael sat next to the tub, his back facing her. She couldn't place her finger on it, but although she'd come in here many a time before to this exact scene, something was different. The tension was no longer constantly lingering in the air. Her eyes darted to the katanas in the corner, then over to Raphael. She stood at the door for a long while, unsure of when to announce herself or if she should.

"Hey April," Raphael finally broke the silence, causing her to start in surprise. The turtle sighed, bringing a hand up to crack his neck before he turned around to look at her. "Come to give him a present?"

"Umm...yeah," April squeaked out, clearing her throat afterwards. Raphael motioned to the corner with the katanas in it. Slowly, April set her lazily wrapped gear in the corner next to the swords. She studied the blades for a moment, marveling at their shine.

"You make those?" she asked, pulling up a stool to sit beside him.

"Yeah. With Donnie's help," Raphael explained. Silence overtook the two of them. April turned her attention to Leonardo. The water rippled with every breath he took, a quiet promise that their brother was still alive and someday, he'd wake up. Without a word, she reached over and grabbed Raphael's hand in hers, giving it a light squeeze. Raphael hesitated, then returned the gesture.

Slowly, the rest of the family trickled in as well. It was as if some silent agreement was made to come see their oldest brother. Nobody had forgotten about the eldest- the pile in the corner gained a box of traditional _warosoku _candles, a stack of _Space Heroes _tapes, and a stack of comics. April slung her arm around Michelangelo as the youngest sat beside her, and Donatello and Casey went to either end of the line of people round' the tub. The silence was comfortable - they all sat together as one family.

"Hey Raph," Mikey grinned and peeked around April to look at the red-banded turtle. Raphael tore his gaze away from Leonardo, as if snapped out of a trance. "It kinda looks like he's smiling." Raph looked back to Leo and sure enough, the faintest hint of a smile was traced on their brother's mouth.

"You guys…" April let out a long sigh and smiled. "Thank you." When she was met with confused faces, she decided a bit more elaboration was required.

"These past few weeks have been amazing - and difficult - but you all pulled through," she said, reaching out to touch Leonardo's hand gently. "This wasn't easy, and any of you could have just quit. But you didn't. So thank you for sticking with me, with all of us." There was a quiet moment where her words sunk it.

"Aw man, you guys are gonna make me cry!" Mikey whined. "That's it, group hug!" There were several vain protests as the youngest pulled them in to wrap his arms around his family. April found her arms wrapped around Michelangelo's abdomen and several other arms draped behind her back or hugging her waist.

"It's good to have my family back," Raphael murmured from behind her, and she understood perfectly. The warmth and support that she was nearly suffocating in now had been sorely missed. April smiled and closed her eyes, letting herself get lost in the trance-like feeling engulfing them all. Around her, the other teenagers could be found in similar trances, for the first time in months being completely and utterly at peace.

"You s'pose Master Splinter can see us?" Mikey asked quietly, glancing outside at the moon.

"S'pose so," Raphael sighed, feeling the grief at the loss of their sensei upon him for a moment. It didn't last long- the rest of the family sensed it immediately and four pairs of hands reached out to comfort him. Nobody said a word when the red band on his face turned dark and wet underneath his eyes.

Outside the window a light dusting of snow fell silently across the night sky and settled calmly upon the ground. The moon began to rise in the sky, shrouded in clouds. Raphael didn't notice when an extra hand gently rested on his knee and Leonardo titled his head ever so slightly towards the group huddled near the tub. This time, there was no doubt- the eldest brother smiled.


	19. Epilogue

**HELLO!**

**So I'm very excited to give you all the epilogue to 'Far From Perfect'! I wanted one chapter with Leo in it and I'm pretty sure some of you were wanting that too, so here it is. I am finally done with this! This last chapter might diverge a bit from canon, simply because people in a coma rarely just wake up all at once and can just talk and comprehend things perfectly. I decided that I would try to write this chapter with a bit more accuracy about comas than the show portrays, although I'm certainly not a medical expert, so it's probably still not quite right. XD Oh well.**

**Everything in this chapter is supposed to happen before they run into "The Creep", and so you'll have to go off the assumption that in the episode "_Within the Woods" _there's a slight time skip between when they pull Leo out of the bathtub and when Donnie makes an antidote. That isn't too far fetched right?**

**You've all been great, thank you for following, favoriting and reviewing! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and that you'll enjoy this last little bit to my story. :3 (also i made a new cover :P if you happen to see it once it actually shows up let me know what you think!)  
**

**For the last time, I don't own TMNT.**

When the snow had melted and the woods were beginning to turn green again, the incidents started.

Spring was promising to have an early start that year and so the teenagers had decided to start training again out in the yard. Mikey had taken a liking to the feral chickens that had decided to set up their nests in the old chicken coop, although it was a struggle to get any eggs from them. The sun shone bright most days and the air was warm. It was on a day like this that Michelangelo had stopped briefly in the upstairs bathroom to check up on Leo. He wasn't prepared for what he found.

Water was all over the bathroom floor. Leo was jerking and thrashing uncontrollably in the tub, all the while trying to scream in a hoarse voice. Over and over he continued to repeat "Where am I?". It went on like this for two minutes, despite Michelangelo's desperate efforts to calm him. Mikey did the only thing he could think of - he screamed for help. It only served to make Leonardo more panicked, as the oldest turtle started to try and climb out of the tub. When Donnie burst in, Leonardo had fallen back into an unconscious state, halfway out of the tub, and Mikey was in tears.

Needless to say, Michelangelo refused to go back to the bathroom.

Despite Donatello assuring him that it was a _good _sign, and that it was further proof that Leonardo was waking up, slowly and surely, Mikey would have none of it. Seeing his eldest brother in such a state had shaken him deeply, and he continually declined to see him.

Things continued like this. At least thrice a week Leo would have an episode. Sometimes they were just him spouting out meaningless jibberish, sometimes he would talk to himself, other times he was silent. The worst by far was when he 'woke up' in a state of panic. During times like that nobody could calm him, and sometimes he even had to be restrained. Raphael tried to have conversations with him, but Leonardo hardly seemed aware of any of them. Most of the time he would ask questions quietly to himself in a slurred tone. At the start nobody could really tell what he was saying, and it would have been better had it stayed that way. Eventually his slurred speech became discernible.

Leonardo would ask and say many things, but among them he had several favorites, including "_Where are my brothers?", "My leg", "Where am I?", "No" _and the one he said the most, "_Where is he?"_. Who 'he' was was the question of much debate. Could Leo be looking for their sensei in his delusional state? Could he be referring to some sort of spirit he thought was coming to take him? The debate finally ended when during one of their discussions, Raphael settled it.

"You guys are so stupid," Raphael had growled, crossing his arms. "Who do you _think _he's talking about?" Confused, they had all admitted they had no idea what Raphael was trying to suggest.

"Haven't you seen how scared he looks?" Raphael had been extremely upset. "There's only one person I can think of who could make Fearless look like that. The guy who put him in that frickin' bathtub."

Nobody talked much about it afterwards. Donatello was the only one who dared to even poke at the subject with a stick - he had attempted to explain to Raphael that Leo was probably going through a state of post-trauma as he woke up. The last thing he would have remembered was being cut to ribbons by Shredder, and the overwhelming sense of fear during those moments would still be fresh to him, as if it hadn't been three months but three seconds. Raphael had been outraged.

"I don't _care _why it's happening! The fact is that I can't stop it, and your science bullcrap isn't going to _change things, _or _make things better_, so you can just shut it!" Raphael had nearly lashed out at Donatello in his rage, but luckily things hadn't gotten to that point. Later on Raphael had apologized and there was no harm done, but tensions still remained high whenever Leonardo was the subject of conversation.

Eventually Raphael became the only one to regularly visit Leo.

Casey had stopped when Leonardo began to talk about things that Casey was fairly certain the blue-masked turtle wouldn't have shared if he had been fully aware. The hockey player, out of respect for Leo (and a bit of embarrassment at hearing things he wasn't meant to) didn't come to see Leo anymore.

Donatello had been next. During one of his visits Leonardo had broken into hysterics. The eldest turtle continually called out "Is someone there?" while Donatello sat by the tub desperately telling Leonardo that he was _right there, _and that Leo wasn't alone. Leonardo had never acknowledged him, and Donatello hadn't come back after that.

"Will he remember any of this? When he, you know, _actually _wakes up?" Casey had questioned.

"Maybe. Probably not," was Donatello's stiff reply.

April had been the last to leave, stubborn as she was. She never even really stopped coming, she just didn't come as often. It was due to Mikey, who insisted on dragging her out to explore the woods when the weather had gotten warmer. Most days the two of them could be found wandering through the wood without much aim or purpose. So it was that most days Raphael sat alone beside his older brother. Raphael didn't hold it against his family...but it did become rather lonely.

Spring descended upon the farmhouse, and the family continued to hold high hopes.

After a long day of practice in the yard and a subsequent episode of "_Crognard_", Raphael sat where he did most evenings - beside the tub. Longingly the turtle stared outside, where the sun was still lighting up the forest as it descended toward the horizon in a brilliant blaze. When his oldest brother stirred, Raphael turned his attention back to the turtle in front of him. Leonardo's periods of 'consciousness' had been becoming longer as of late - two minutes had turned to five, had turned to ten. Although Leonardo still couldn't quite seem to grasp exactly where he was or who it was that was sitting beside him, Raphael felt encouraged by the extended periods where he was awake, and he answered all of Leo's questions eagerly, despite knowing Leonardo wouldn't be able to understand him.

Slowly, Leonardo's blue eyes blinked open, tired and foggy. He looked around the bathroom, his expression turning to confusion. "Where am I?" he asked in a tired and raspy tone. Raphael still couldn't quite get used to the way Leonardo's voice had changed since he had started talking again. He turned to stare out the window again.

"You're in April's old farmhouse," Raphael replied absentmindedly. "We had to leave the city." Raphael was so intent on staring out the window that he didn't notice when Leonardo's eyes snapped over to him.

"Could you say that again? I didn't quite catch it," Leonardo prodded. At that, Raphael jumped in surprise and snapped his gaze over to his brother in shock. "Sorry Raph. Everything's kinda blurry."

"Leo?" Raphael asked, scooting closer to the tub. "Wait, can you _hear _me? Can you _see _me? How many fingers am I holding up?" Raphael held up two fingers in front of Leo's face. Leonardo ignored him, looking slightly irritated.

"And why am I in a bathtub?" Leo looked down with apparent displeasure.

"GUYS! GUYS!" Raphael jumped up off the stool, nearly tipping it over. Leonardo flinched at the noise, but Raph was too excited to apologize. "IT'S LEO!" Seconds later, two turtles and two humans came rushing into the room.

"LEO!" Mikey didn't hesitate before he ran over to his brother and grabbed his head, pulling it close to his chest. "Dude I missed you so much!" Mikey couldn't contain the smile on his face.

"Mikey-!" Leo gasped, coughing a bit. At that, Mikey immediately let go in fright of hurting his older brother. Leo took a few deep breaths before he looked back at the youngest, who was timidly holding his hands close to his chest. Leonardo smiled a bit. "Good to see you too lil' brother." Mikey's grin grew wider. Immediately everyone rushed to Leonardo's side, asking him questions a mile a minute and spouting out things like "You're awake!" or "I can't believe it!". Leonardo's eyes darted between them all in confusion. All the words were blurring together and their excited faces shifted uneasily in his vision. Donatello was the one who put an end to the chaos.

"HEY!" Donnie shouted, waving his arms around. "BACK OFF!" Quickly the other four teens took a step back and the room became silent. "You guys can ask questions later - _one at a time. _Right now we need to get him somewhere more comfortable." There were no arguments, and so carefully, Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael hoisted their older brother out of the bathtub while Casey and April darted ahead to open the door. After they had set Leonardo down on the couch downstairs, Casey gave the recently-awakened turtle a good-hearted pat on the back.

"It's good to have you back Leo," he said, before he was quickly shooed away.

"He's still going to be really tired and probably will only be awake in short periods," Donatello explained as he escorted everybody out of the room. "So we can't overwhelm him."

"But he's awake for good now right?" Mikey asked worriedly. "He won't like, wake up the way he was before, where he couldn't see us?"

"He won't," Donatello said unable to contain a smile. "We have Leo back."

. . . . .

The next few weeks were spent hovering around Leonardo, who mostly slept. While he was awake, he wasn't very talkative. He preferred to listen to his family talk about all that had happened while he wasn't awake. Most of them tried to avoid the first month, usually just summing it up to "We were still in shock" or "We didn't know what to do".

The only one who would give Leonardo any details was Michelangelo. The two of them would talk quietly in the living room for as long as Leo could stay awake. Mikey would tell Leo about how Raphael had spent all day out in the woods or sitting with him, April shut herself in her room and cried, Casey had given up hope, and Donatello blamed himself. Telling him about their sensei's death had been the hardest. Leonardo didn't talk much in the days following, just stared contemplatively out the window or at the ceiling. Mikey hated to see the sadness in Leo's eyes whenever he talked about these things, but when Mikey asked if he was sure he wanted to hear them, Leonardo always gave a confident yes.

Leo could see how they had all been changed - especially Michelangelo. Among all of them, he was the only one he seemed to truly be at peace with their current situation.

Leonardo's periods when he was awake grew longer every day. Eventually he started trying to walk, and that's when they discovered his leg was badly injured. Donatello fashioned a crutch for Leonardo to use, and when the eldest turtle finally began walking around, it fostered new hope in all their hearts. Despite all the promising developments, nobody could quite look at him without noticing the two faded scars running down his chest with regret.

A few weeks passed. By then Leonardo was up and walking and he was able to stay awake for most of the day, although he tired very easily. He even started trying to train again.

"Leo, Leo!" Mikey came bouncing into the living room one day with a gleeful expression on his face and a large box in his hands. Leo blinked open his eyes, his meditation broken. He had spent many days sitting in the chair by the fireplace trying to understand _why_ all these things had happened, but could not find answers.

"Hey Mikey," Leo smiled as his younger brother sat across from him.

"Hey, guess what I just remembered!" Mikey said excitedly. From across the room, Raphael turned around to listen to the conversation, his curiosity sparked.

"We have Christmas presents for you!" Mikey exclaimed. "Here here here, look-" Mikey reached down to open the box. Leonardo's expression turned surprised, and Raphael stood up to come watch. Donatello, noticing the commotion, turned to watch, while Casey and April came in from the kitchen upon hearing the noise.

"This is from April!" Mikey said proudly, pulling out a bundle of Leonardo's old gear. "I remembered about this because I was looking for your gear!" Leo took the gear from Mikey and studied it for a moment.

"Good job patching these," the eldest commented, already strapping on the familiar pads. April blushed a bit and ducked her head.

"And this is from Raph!" Mikey said as he withdrew two katana. Leonardo's eyes widened as he looked at them.

"With Donnie's help," Raphael added in, glancing over at said brother.

"I'm surprised," Leonardo admitted, running a hand along the blade. "Katana aren't easy weapons to craft." Raphael smiled at that. Leonardo noted to himself that he would use the old broken ones from the city during training, so as not to spoil these new blades.

"And from Donnie!" Mikey handed over a box full of _warosoku _candles, much to Leonardo's pleasure.

"From Casey," Mikey commented, handing over a stack of comic books. Leonardo stared at them a bit wistfully for a moment, remembering how things used to be, when he would read comics and goof off in the lair. What he wouldn't give to have things back the way they were again.

"And from yours truly!" Mikey grinned as he handed over the final item, a collection of _Space Heroes _tapes. Leo couldn't contain a laugh as he received them.

"I was such a _geek!_" he exclaimed, looking through the collection. "What do you say we watch one?"

"Awww yes!" Mikey fistpumped. "Space Heroes throwback time!" Raphael, who had been watching from the bar counter in the corner, groaned.

"We have to watch the dork show again?" he complained, but there was a hint of pleasure in his voice. "You still _are _a geek Leo." Mikey grabbed the first Space Heroes tape and went to put it in the VCR.

"Thank you all," Leonardo said happily. "This means a lot." The others all shared knowing looks, and it was then that Leo realized that he would never know fully the struggle that his family had gone through without him. It weighed down on his heart to know that he hadn't been able to be there for his family after the loss of the city and of their father. He could see it in all their faces - those three months at the farmhouse would be an experience they would all share without him. It didn't matter how hard he tried to protect them and to take the fall for them. He couldn't stop the fact that, like him, they were no longer the carefree teens they once were. It saddened him.

The familiar _Space Heroes _theme suddenly burst through the television speakers. Leonardo smiled as his family gathered around him to watch the show he had once admired so dearly. As Captain Ryan came on screen and began to fight a space monster, Leo looked around at his company and thought to himself that there was nothing he'd rather be doing than sitting here, watching a dumb cartoon with his family.

Meanwhile, Mikey was remembering their celebration a month back - he smiled a bit when he remembered him and Casey's junkyard run, and their gift for Donnie, and a sense of joy filled him when he recalled their many misadventures as they had learned to be a family once again.

The Hamato's Christmas may not have been perfect, but he wouldn't have had it any other way.

_~The End~_


End file.
